


The World Might Do Me In

by ZsforSs



Series: The World Might Do Me In [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015), Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Also I've decided 'Armitage' rhymes with mirage/sabotage/espionage/fromage, Anxiety, Awkward Boners, Ben Solo and his anger issues, Ben just wants to kiss the pretty boy, Brother-Sister Relationships, But just a little, Child Abuse, Consensual Mind-Reading, Creepy Snoke (Star Wars), Cuddling, Defecting from the First Order, Force Training, Force Visions, Force-Sensitive Hux, Hux and Ben both swear kind of a lot, Hux had the shittiest childhood, Hux is just tired all the time, Hux is the worst at feelings, I didn't tag this underaged but there is a romantic relationship between 14/15 year olds, I fudged the character's ages, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Domestic Violence, Inappropriate Use of the Force, It's Snoke's fault., It's in a dream sequence and bloodless, Jedi Mind Trick, Jedi Training, Kissing, Lightsabers, M/M, Masturbation, Minor Leia Organa/Han Solo, Miscommunication, Non-Graphic Gore?, Nothing noncon actually happens, Original Planets, Parents Han and Leia, Past Child Abuse, Rey is a Solo, School, Seriously Ben doesn't even show up until chapter three, Slow Burn, Sniper Armitage Hux, Space Buzzfeed, Space Pears, Space Texting, Tags Are Hard, Teenagers being shits, That's Not How The Force Works, There's a lot of Hux bonding with his mom in this, Threats of Rape/Non-Con, Touch-Starved, Various Star Wars Aliens, bed sharing, benarmie, blasters, children are jerks, friends to boyfriends, making friends is hard
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-18
Updated: 2018-01-15
Packaged: 2019-02-03 20:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 76,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12755658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZsforSs/pseuds/ZsforSs
Summary: A few weeks after his fifteenth birthday Armitage Hux met his mother for the first time since he was a toddler, defected from the First Order, and found out he was Force sensitive.  It was a little much to take in.Then he was shipped off to Luke Skywalker’s Jedi school so he could learn how to float things (harder than it sounds), not mind trick military officials (it was an accident), and make friends (this one was also an accident).But Hux brought something with him when he left the First Order.  Something the Order desperately wants back.  And Jedi School has its own set of challenges- not the least of which was Ben Solo himself, and the incredibly unsettling voice in his head.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> General Notes: So I need to start posting this before The Last Jedi comes out because if I don't I never will. I'm aiming to update once a week if real life cooperates. I'm 62,000 words deep into this fic and once I get it finished I might update more often.
> 
> Additional Content Warnings will be at the start of each chapter. If you think I'm missing tags/warnings please let me know.

Armitage Hux came back from school to an empty house.  His father would not be back for hours yet, and Maratelle was currently off-planet.  He locked the front door and leaned back against it.

 _Right._   Hux took off his cadet cap and tucked it in his satchel.  Homework.  He had homework.  He had finished math already but he still had a paper to write- though it wasn’t due for a few days yet.  His head was killing him though.  Maybe he could lay down for a while?  His father would be mad if he wasn’t working when he came home, but maybe his father would go straight to his dinner party from the Academy and wouldn’t be home until late?

He ran his hands through his hair.  He should eat.  He hadn’t eaten since… at all today.  He’d skipped breakfast, and today Instructor Poers had cornered him at lunch to ask him about his Weapons Design project.  They had talked about Hux’s rough plans for the weapon he was privately calling ‘Starkiller’ all through lunch.  The discussion had gone well, and Instructor Poers had told him he was going to share Hux’s project with other members of the First Order Engineering ranks.  Hux smiled at that, and slipped a hand into his bag to double-check that his datapad- and the schematics in it- was still there.

Hux straightened up and took a deep breath.  Alright. Food, short nap, and then work.  He could just outline the paper tonight.  Father wouldn’t care what he was working on as long as he looked busy when he checked on him-

Hux froze.  There was someone else here.  Hux scanned the hall for any sign of intruders.   He couldn’t see or hear anything, but he knew.   He was not alone. The house just …felt occupied, and the feeling was coming this way.  He didn’t have any weapons, just his bag…

A short blonde woman stepped out of the den on his right.  She had green eyes that Hux saw every day in the mirror.

“Armitage?  Sweetheart?  Do you remember me?” his mother asked.

“Wh-” He had to swallow to get his throat working again. “What are you doing here?” he asked.  He hadn’t seen her since he and Father evacuated Arkanis.

“I came to get you,” she said.  She moved slowly toward him with her hands held stiffly at her sides, like she was afraid he’d bolt if she reached out.

“You left me,” he protested without heat.  He didn’t remember, he had been only a toddler but that’s what his father had always said.

His mother shook her head frantically.  “He took you from me!” her voice cracked and she looked close to tears.  “I’ve been looking for you ever since.”

He believed her. He shouldn’t, but it didn’t feel like a lie.

She was right in front of him now, only feet away, but still seemed reluctant to touch him.  “I’m leaving,” she blurted.  “First Order space I mean.  I- I- Come with me.  Please.  You deserve better than this.”

Better than what? He shouldn’t.  Trust her.  She could always be lying or trying to work some other angle- He should- He should tell her to leave or… or call a security squad-

_Black halls and evergreen trees and the hum of ship engines and the shriek of TIE fighters and stars stars stars._

_Red light like death washing the color out of the air and his own skin as it streaks across an unfamiliar sky._

_He is in the snow.  Massive trees surround him.  It is coldcoldcold and there is blood on the snow…  There is a man in black laying in the snow, bleeding.  He is so important though Hux cannot think why._

_A gigantic man- his face caved in horribly on one side looms over him and flickers blue.  A hologram.  The man with the caved in face smiles- it is horrible and wrong somehow.  This man hates him.  One large hand twitches and Hux doubles over in pain as spears of pure agony pierce his head._

Hux gasped back to reality.  Nothing had changed.  He was still in the entry of his family’s quarters looking at his mother.  He was taller than her- nearly tall enough to rest his chin on top of her head.  She reached out toward him and her face was soft and pleading.  She wanted so badly to hold him.

He didn’t know what had just happened, but he knew somehow deep in his soul that the man with the caved in face would be the death of him.

“Taj.  Baby please,” his mother whispered. 

Again Hux couldn’t breathe, this time struck hard by memory.  _That’s right,_ he thought. _Mama calls me Taj._     He shouldn’t do this-

But he didn’t want to do anything else.

Hux took her hand.

* * *

They didn’t waste any time.

The first hurdle was hiding his hair- he and his father were the only ones with red hair on this planet.  His mother was the one who found the slicker in the coat closet.  It was his father’s- one of his rare pieces of civilian clothing.  It’s too small for him now, his father had been putting on weight since they settled here.  Hux hesitated to pull it on at first- his father would be mad. 

But he was never going to see his father again.

It’s hardly a disguise.  He just looked like a skinny cadet in a raincoat.  His mother seemed to think it was enough though.  She smiled and led him farther into the house. They left out the back door, down the emergency stairs into the alley behind the house.  His mother collected a bag from the bottom of the stairwell as they slipped away into Narrytt’s perpetual red twilight.

It’s a long tense walk. They stole down the alley, turned down a side street, then another and another. They kept to the shadows, now and then hiding when people or speeders passed too close.

Hux had no idea where they were- though he thought they were heading away from the city center. They definitely weren’t heading towards the Academy.  It wasn't obviously getting darker or lighter, which would have told him which direction they were going.  Narrytt was tidally locked, the First Order Academy and settlement built in the narrow habitable band between the searing deserts in the east and the dark ice fields in the west. 

His mother was holding his hand so tightly it ached.  Hux focused on that to keep him grounded.  He felt strange, unmoored, and he half feared that if his mother let him go he would float away completely.

The next alley was particularly narrow and trash strewn, wedged between two towering warehouses.  Halfway down it a dark figure stepped out of the shadows right in front of them.  The shock ripped Hux back down to his body.  Back to the filthy reeking alley and a man looming over him and his mother.

“There you are!”  The man hissed.  “We were going to leave you!”

The man eyed Hux.  His whole… self… looked dirty.  His clothing was shabby and stained, his beard patchy, and his hair greasy.  The man grinned at him and Hux counted three silvery metal teeth.

“I see you found your First Order whelp,” the man said.  “He’d better not make any trouble.”

His mother squeezed his hand again. “He won’t.”

“I hope you can pay for him-”

His mother cut the man off.  “I already told you I would-once you get us to the shuttle.  You can do that right?”

The man growled at his mother.

“Yes.” a second voice said.  A Rodian stood up from behind a garbage bin.  “Come on Zev, let’s just get out of here.”

“Fine.” The man grumbled quietly.  The two pulled a tarp off what Hux had thought was a pile of junk to reveal a small speeder.  The Rodian hopped into the pilot’s seat and the man climbed into the rear seat- taking up the entire cramped space.

Hux hesitated.  The only spot left was in the front passenger seat.  He didn’t like the idea of being surrounded by these men.  His mother was nervous too, but she led him over to the speeder and the pair of them squeezed into the one remaining seat.  He wound up sitting more or less in his mother’s lap.

The Rodian fired up the engines.  The speeder was very quiet- obviously modified- so they jetted near silently through the streets, avoiding main thoroughfares.

The sky was getting darker, and as they approached the outer regions of town Hux realized they were heading out onto the dark side of the planet.  They tore through the outer patrol routes undetected and the man in the back whooped out loud.

“Bundle up everyone!” the Rodian called.  The man-Zev- shoved a thick blanket at them.  When Hux looked back the man was wrapped in a similar one.

It was a long ride through the dark and increasingly cold wastes.  Hux was still tense.  The quiet was not helping his peace of mind.  The awkward silence lasted for nearly two hours. The whole time his mother held his hand tightly while Hux forced himself to breathe evenly.

Eventually there was a faint light on the horizon- and suddenly they came upon a deep gash in the side of an icy cliff full of light.  There was a hidden port on the frozen-over dark side of the planet, and they were speeding toward it.

 _Well this explains the steady stream of contraband items showing up in the city,_ Hux thought.

They didn’t linger at the smuggler’s docks.  His mother paid Zev as soon as they stopped and then the Rodian he didn’t know the name of lead them through a twisted maze of dank freezing corridors to a poorly lit bay where a banged-up public transport shuttle and another Rodian were waiting.  This one had a large scar running across his forehead. 

The two obviously knew each other, they nodded at each other and exchanged what sounded like a quick greeting in a language Hux didn’t understand. 

Scarface started talking to his mum about the price of transporting them and the other Rodian didn’t leave.  Hux knew he’d been jumping at shadows since they left his father’s house- but this was not him overreacting- something was _wrong_ with this.  Hux let his mother do the talking- she seemed adept at haggling- and tried to look like he was falling asleep on his feet.  Not a particularly hard act, he’s been feeling increasingly exhausted for hours now.

Hux caught movement out of the corner of his eye- it’s the human, Zev, creeping around in the shadows of the dim hangar.  Hux didn’t let on he’s seen anything.  The man didn’t seem to be trying to sneak up on them- not that there was much Hux could do if he was- it looked like the man was trying to sneak on the ship actually.  Hux knew this model of shuttle.  It had a secondary access hatch opening straight into the cockpit at the front of the ship so that pilots could swap out without disturbing the passengers.  Hux couldn’t see the hatch from where he stood. 

He called up a mental model of the ship- yes the man was definitely heading right for the front access hatch.  Hux bit his lip and studied the ship in his mind’s eye, focusing on the door- it was probably unlocked so the human could sneak aboard.  _Please be locked_ , he thought at the ship.  Which he knew was ridiculous.  He pictured the locking mechanism clamping down on his imaginary hatch, as if visualizing it could make it so. _Please._

He had the strangest feeling, for just a moment, like he’d felt something click into place.

His mother and the Rodian stopped talking.  Hux had no idea what agreement they’d reached but they both look pleased.  Hux was suddenly light-headed and he stumbled as he and his mother move to follow the pilot onboard.  His mother gave him a worried look- but he shook his head.  He was fine. Mostly.

As the loading ramp shut behind them Hux swore he could hear the human cursing.  Most of the seats in the passenger area have been removed, leaving only the two long padded seats along the perimeter of the hold.  Once on board Hux slipped around his mother and darted across the ship.  He managed to get himself in the way of the door to the cockpit just in time.  It made an angry buzzing sound but didn’t close on him. 

The cockpit was small- a two seater, and only the pilot seat was occupied.  Hux could see the locked secondary hatch, and the Rodian’s hand frozen mid-reach for the hatch release.  “What’re you doing kid?  Get out of here!”  the Rodian snapped.

Hux felt like he was going to throw up, but he put on the most guileless face he could manage and asked a barrage of inane questions.  “Are you taking off right now? Can I watch?  How long will the trip take?  Do you need help?”

Scarface stared –glared?- at him.  Hux wished he could read alien expressions.  He had no idea if his wide-eyed look was working.

“Can’t take off with you in the doorway kid.” The Rodian said.

Hux threw himself into the second seat- the one nearest the front hatch- and buckled himself in.  Scarface dropped his hand, sighed and started the take-off sequence.  Hux stayed put, pretending to be fascinated by everything until they jump to hyperspace.  Then the Rodian opened the hatch back to the passenger area and told him to “Scram kid.  I can’t think with you enthusing so much.”

Hux left without a fuss. 

His mother was sitting just outside the door and she breathed an audible sigh of relief when he exited the cockpit.  She reached out for him and he went to curl up beside her.  His mother pulled him close.  It wasn’t until she started running soothing hands down his back that Hux realized his breaths were coming in quick shallow gasps.

“Breathe,” his mother said.

He did.  Hux forced himself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly.  Then he did it again, and again.  As his breathing slowed some of the tension in his chest eased.  He still needed to talk to his mom about what was going on.  She needed to know-

“Taj.  Baby.  I need you to calm down,” his mother said.  But he couldn’t not when he-“Because I think our pilot’s going to try to rob us.”

This objectively frightening statement made Hux feel worlds better.  Most of the remaining tension eased away and he found he no longer had to force himself to take steady breaths. 

He nodded. “I think he was trying to let someone else on the ship when I went into the cockpit- but then he couldn’t because I was there,” he told her.  “If I had to I could probably fly the ship.”

He could, he thought.  He had had flying lessons and had watched the Rodian take off.  His mother’s smile was relieved and… proud he realized.  She was proud of him. 

She hugged him tighter and softly told him. “I have an old blaster- the powercells blew and got replaced by lower charge ones- so it can’t do anything but stun people.  But it looks like a blaster.”

She showed him where it was, and they spent the next few hours making plans for every eventuality they could think of.  It was strange, Hux thought, that this urge to plan out every possible outcome was something he shared with his mum.  An intangible sign of their relation- less obvious but no less real than their green eyes.  Eventually, after they’ve planned as much as they can, Mum insisted he rest.  They both agreed nothing would happen until they exit lightspeed and that wouldn’t be for another 18 hours.  Hux laid his head on her shoulder and let the exhaustion hit him- he’d been holding it back since before he finished school.

* * *

 

Hux woke up five hours later from a surprisingly restful sleep.  Why he woke up was immediately obvious- he was _actually dying_ of hunger.  He hadn’t eaten, he realized, in… a long time.  Since dinner the night before he left.  That was- he’s not sure.  He was not even sure if he had been gone a full day yet.  That probably explained all the light-headedness now that he thought about it.  Then his stomach rumbled again and he forgot about anything else but food.  _Now_. 

His mum might be able to read minds Hux thought, because as soon as he sat up she passed him a carefully wrapped bundle of what turned out to be some kind of pastry.  They’re savory- full of meat and vegetables- and quite possibly the most delicious thing he has ever tasted.  When he told Mum this she laughed and told him he’d not been eating the right things then.  After his third roll he could think enough to notice things besides food, and took note of the dark circles around his mother’s eyes.

“You should sleep too,” he told his mum.  She nodded, and passed him the stun-blaster.  He tucked it in his bag out of sight.

“He came out a few hours ago to use the ‘fresher but he’s been in the cockpit most of the time.  Finish those,” she gestured at the rest of the pastries.  There were four more left.  “I’ve got more.”

She stretched out on the seats and shut her eyes to sleep.  Hux ate the rest of the pastries.  He was thirsty afterwards, so he went to the refresher to get water from the sink.  It tasted slightly stale- like it’d been in the tanks too long- but not bad.

He still felt out of sorts as he sat back down- this time on the seats across from his mum.  It’s probably to be expected.  He was out of all sorts right now.  …He was pretty sure that last thought was actually gibberish, so he dug through his bag to find something to distract himself.  There wasn’t much in his bag- he’d come straight from class and hadn’t grabbed anything before leaving.  He had his cadet hat, his datapad, a small multi-tool kit- it’s really just a couple screwdrivers and a wire cutter- and down at the bottom of his bag was a half-gone packet of contraband chewstim.

Hux stared at the packet- which represented the sum total of his rule breaking for all of his life up until yesterday.  He nearly burst out laughing- but managed to contain himself.  If he started that now he would never stop.  Instead he popped a piece in his mouth and grabbed his datapad and his toolkit.

Hux’s datapad was nicer than the standard cadet issue ones- but that’s because he was in Advanced Engineering not because of any parental favoritism.  All AE students got top of the line datapads for their drafting and schematics.  They were the same kind used in the field by military personnel but with the Holonet connection disabled.  Just disabled though.  Hux set to work taking the back off his datapad.  Everyone in AE knew how to enable their pad’s Holonet.  Hux had never done it himself, not on his own pad-if you were caught you went to mandatory re-conditioning, and not everyone came back from that.

Ten minutes later Hux’s datapad was Holonet capable.  While he was poking around in his datapad’s innards he also carefully pried the tracking device off the inside casing.  He’d forgotten about it last night, but it should be fine.  It was only a short range beacon.  No one would have noticed he was missing for a few hours at least, and by then they’d been in space and out of range.  But he still needed to space it or something- if the First Order bothered looking for him they might get close enough to ping it and then he’d be screwed.

The cockpit door opened and Hux just managed to tuck the pea-sized tracker in his pocket.  Scarface looked annoyed- at least Hux thought he was annoyed- but said nothing to him.  He went to the refresher and as soon as the door closed Hux rushed into the cockpit.  He double-checked the coordinates -comparing them to his datapad to make sure they were for the place they should be.  They were.

The idea struck Hux all at once.  Maybe it wouldn’t matter- but he bet this ship would be heading back to Narrytt eventually.  Back in range of the Academy’s scanners.  He pulled the tracking device from his pocket and then crouched down and used some of his chewstim to stick the device on the underside of the pilot’s seat.

He darted back to his spot and sat just as the pilot left the ‘fresher.

Once he was alone again in the passenger compartment- except for his sleeping mother of course- Hux considered the ‘fresher.  There was a lock inside- but because this used to be a public transit vessel there was an override panel on this side too…  He had an idea, he’d need Mum’s help but it should work… he just hoped he had enough chewstim.

After his mum woke up and Hux filled her in they didn’t have much to do.  Once Hux finished with the refresher’s wiring they still had a few hours before they had to put their plan in motion.

Mum found a bunch of music on the Holonet for them to listen to while they waited.  Most of it was insipid Republic pop with no substance and Hux was miffed and slightly unsettled to find he liked a great deal of it.  Maybe, he conceded, not everything the Republic put out was bad.  The government probably had little control over most of the cultural stuff anyway. They barely had control over the political part of it after all.

They also took the time to rip the First Order insignia off his hat and jacket.  He really needed new clothes- even with no visible markings his clothing was still clearly military style.  The most civilian they could make him look was to put both hat and coat away and untuck his white undershirt.  His mother produced a dark blue poncho from her small supply of clothes.  It fit Hux well enough and helped a little, but the whole bottom half of him still screamed military- the high shiny boots alone were a giveaway, but he had no other shoes.  It would have to do.  Mum had told him how many credits they had and her plans to get them to the Republic once they reached the nearest port.  They didn’t have much spending money.

The port in question was a well-known smuggler’s stopover on a large asteroid in the outer edges of an asteroid field.  The port’s surroundings made it a great place to hide, and in the event the base was found the asteroids provided convenient cover for fleeing ships.  Hopefully they wouldn’t be there long.  They just needed to find a transport.

As they drew closer to their destination they got their plan in order.  They sat opposite each other, his mum on his datapad and Hux laying down on the other seats with the slicker draped over him- pretending to sleep.  Hux clutched the stun-blaster to his chest.  He’d wanted to do this the other way around- give his mum the blaster- but she had made a good point.  Hux had combat training and she did not.

The ship lurched out of hyperspace and both of them tensed minutely. Soon. 

Mum visibly forced herself to relax and Hux followed her lead.  He shut his eyes and relaxed as much as he could.  When the cockpit door slid open Hux cracked his eyes open.  Scarface came out waving a blaster that he leveled at Hux’s mum.

“Alright you stupid bitch,” he hissed.  He was trying not to wake Hux- Hux realized.  He’d decided to go through with the robbery but was nervous about being outnumbered.  “Hand over all your credits and maybe I won’t space you and your brat!”

Hux didn’t wait for more- he tossed the slicker aside and fired, hitting the Rodian squarely in the back with the stun bolt. The alien dropped to the deck immediately.

Hux passed the blaster to his mum and headed to the cockpit.  The landing sequence was keyed in, but not initiated.  Hux started it and went back to help his mum.  They hauled Scarface inside the refresher.  Mum stunned him again for good measure.  Now Hux pulled out his screwdriver and started to work on the override panel.  They’d known they wouldn’t have a lot of time for this- so earlier under the cover of the music and with Mum listening at the cockpit door Hux had opened up this panel and broken the lock.  He’d then used up the last of his chewstim to patch the wires back together.  Now he ripped the panel away and was able to re-break his quick fix in seconds- locking their would-be assailant in the bathroom.

As the ship touched down Mum hugged him and kissed his cheek.  “You did so well my brave boy,” she said.  He didn’t think he’d done anything that special, but he felt so warmed by his mother’s words he didn’t protest.  Hux leaned into his mum’s touch and hugged her back.

Scarface’s blaster was some weird custom model that neither of them could comfortably hold, so they left it and disembarked as soon as the ship touched down.  Mum grabbed his hand as they step out of the ship.

They were halfway across the dark hangar bay when Hux realized something was wrong- Why was it dark? Where are the lights? -but then the lights came up all at once, blindingly bright and Hux nearly ran into his mum as she stepped in front of him.  At the same time a painfully loud voice yelled “Freeze! Hands up!”

They froze, but neither Hux nor his mum put their hands up.  Mum was wondering if she should go for the stun-blaster in her bag.  Hux squeezed her fingers.  _Don’t._   It was impossible to tell if they were outnumbered. 

The mystery yeller started shouting again, “I SAID-!”

“Oh knock it off Arnd!” a second gravelly voice called.

“Yes sir.”

“Lights!” the second voice growled- and suddenly Hux could see… kind of.  There were several large floodlights scattered around the hangar that had now been turned off, leaving only the normal hangar lights.  As Hux blinked away the spots he saw there were at least ten armed beings- human and alien- standing around the edges of the hangar, surrounding them and the ship.

“Guns down!” the gravelly voice snapped.  It belonged to a large, probably male alien with grey-green skin who was obviously the one in charge.  “Come on now boys-Zev and Girino we’re looking for Zev and Girino you know what they look like.  These two aren’t either of them- they aren’t green or ugly enough.”  

The alien strode towards them, his massive hands on his hips. He was stocky- barely taller than Hux but more than three times as wide, his skin hung loosely and there were several horizontal tube-things on his face where a human’s nose would be.  The tubes caught something in Hux’s memory- Skrilling.  This was a Skrilling.  Carrion eaters, had a complex tradition of institutionalized bartering.  They tend to excel at criminal behavior. 

The Skrilling smiled at them.  Hux got the feeling he was going for a friendly smile, but the razor sharp teeth detract from that impression.

He waved one big hand toward the ship and several of the men broke off to go examine it.  “Well now.  I’m Onmon Ponish. I own a small… entertainment establishment here and I’ve some financial business with Girino or Zev Beklev, you wouldn’t happen to know where we could find either of these folks do you?”

Hux had no reason to trust this xeno- but he found himself answering truthfully.  “The Rodian is locked in the refresher.  And the last time I saw ‘Zev’ he was back on Narrytt.”

The Skrilling looked him over, taking in his military issue shoes and the spot were a hexagonal logo had obviously been ripped off his bag.  “Narrytt,” he echoed.  Hux suddenly realized what this must look like, what he looked like.  “That’s interesting.  Tell me, what’s the First Order want with us here?”

“Nothing,” Mum said immediately.  “His father and I just have very different ideas of what we want for our son.”

Onmon Ponish smirked.  “So you stole one of their little toy soldiers away.  Where are you going with him?”

“Republic Space,” Mum said.

The Skrilling cocked his head. “Are you sure they’ll have him?”

“He’s just a boy.” Mum’s grip on his hand was so tight it hurt.

The Skrilling was watching Hux thoughtfully.  “ _Your_ boy maybe, little mother.  The New Republic might not see it that way.”

One of the men who had broken off to check the ship came back then and spoke to Onmon in a language Hux didn’t know.  The Skrilling listened carefully, a grin slowly spreading across his face.  Then he threw back his head and laughed so loudly it made Hux jump.  Hux and his mum and the guards watched the Skrilling laugh uproariously for a solid minute before he got control of himself.  

“My apologies.  I didn’t think you two lightweights could actually have overpowered Girino- but you must have outsmarted him instead, because the poor bastard’s actually locked in the ‘fresher!”

The guards started laughing too.

“Now,” Onmon said once the laughter died down.  “You two have taken care of an annoying pain in my side for me- and given me the means to deal with another, so I’m feeling inclined to help you on your way.  I’ve got a shipment of supplies going to Takodana in a few hours- for a modest fee, say 8000 credits I can let you ride along.  I’ll even put in a good word with Maz for you.”

 _Onmon Ponish is a dangerous criminal,_ Hux reminded himself.  But he was being honest with them, Hux thought, and 8000 credits was a good deal for two people- they’d budgeted for nearly double that.

“I might have some additional information for you,”  Hux said hesitantly.  His common sense was saying he should shut up- but this felt right.  And his gut has been remarkably correct today… at least he thought it had.

The Skrilling eyed him. “I might have a better deal for you.  Let’s hear it.”

“There’s a short range First Order tracker on the ship- under the pilot’s seat.  At this distance it’s not an issue but if the ship were to return to Narrytt - or to any area near the First Order- they would pick it up on their scanners.  A raid on the ship’s location would undoubtedly happen within the hour.”

There was something dangerous in the Skrilling’s gaze as he studied Hux.  “And what should I do with this information?” he asked.

Hux shrugged.  “That’s up to you.  You could just destroy the tracker.  But getting to pick when and where a First Order raid occurs could be a valuable decision.”

The Skrilling’s smile was wide and vicious.  He had quite a few teeth didn’t he?  “6000 credits, and I’ll throw in lunch too,” he rumbled.

“Agreed,” Mum said immediately.

“If the New Republic decides they don’t want you boy you’re welcome to come back,” Onmon said amicably.  “Arnd!  Take our friends to the lounge for lunch and then see to it they get on the ship to Takodana.”

“Yes sir.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to wait to post this until Friday or Saturday but what the heck I finished editing it early, so here you go!
> 
> About editing, I am my own beta, so if you see any typos or grammar issue please let me know. I will absolutely edit them.

Their ship to Takodana was an old freighter that looked like it was falling apart.  At least the inside was in good repair.  The ‘crew’ such as it was consisted of a human pilot and what looked like a re-painted and re-programmed Trade Federation battle droid.  The droid didn’t speak to them at all- according to their pilot he was ‘shy.’  The pilot was nice enough, but they didn’t interact much beyond that initial meeting.  There was a separate pilot’s quarters by the flight deck, while Hux and his mum were housed in the crew quarters at the other end of the ship.

It was nearly a week to Takodana.  The ship was on a circuitous planet hopping route- presumably to avoid unwanted attention.  Hux and his mum made good use of their time.  They barely left the crew’s quarters- a large open room lined with dozens of bunks and a utilitarian galley.  They cleaned the place up-it had been covered in dust when they arrived-cooked in the small galley, and binged on Republic media.  They also talked about a great many things. 

His mum told him stories from her early life on Arkanis, and about how she had managed to track him down.  She had immediately begun looking for him as soon as Father had taken him away, trying to follow their path as they jumped around after leaving Arkanis.  The story included a number of near misses that made Hux’s heart ache at lost opportunities.  Hux in turn told her about his childhood- the open hostility from his ‘stepmother,’ his father’s harsh rules, the Academy, his favorite classes, what he was good at, what he liked.

Their first night in space, spurred on by his own anxious thoughts, he poured out all his darkest secrets to her.  He was being practical he told himself.  If she wanted to abandon him for real it was better she do it sooner than later.  He expected- he didn’t know- to be judged for it.  For his mother to hate him after he told her about Starkiller and the things he’d done in combat training, but she just hugged him tightly.  He couldn’t remember the last time anyone else had hugged him, but it seemed as easy as breathing to his mother, and he couldn’t help but return her embraces with equal enthusiasm.

“My sweet brave boy,” she said.  “You are sharp and fierce and a survivor, and that is no bad thing.  You are here with me now because of your choices, do not be ashamed of them.”

That was easier said than done, but Hux leaned into his mother’s embrace and decided he would try.

* * *

 

On a sleepy morning nearly half way through their trip Hux had an unsettling realization.  They sat across from each other in the small dining nook, sipping caf and picking at their re-constituted bread.  It turned out neither of them were morning people at all.  Mum yawned and Hux was suddenly struck by how, with her hair up in a messy tail to keep it out of her face, his mother looked very young- too young.

“How old are you?” he asked, because now he needed to know.  Even if he wouldn’t like the answer.

“Thirty-four,” she told him quietly. “Ask what you really want to know.”

“Did you want to… be with my father?”

Mum smiled at him.  “I didn’t seek him out,” she said. “And I certainly didn’t love him.  But I was not opposed to things progressing as they did- your father was a handsome man after all.  And he was more gentlemanly than some of the other local officers.”

Mum reached forward and took his hand. “But I wanted you.  I wanted you so badly.  As soon as I knew you existed I knew I’d do anything to keep you.  I actually tried to keep you a secret from him, though since you came out with bright red hair that wouldn’t have worked for long.  But he found out I was pregnant and insisted on a DNA test.” 

“What would you have done if he had wanted you to get rid of me?” Hux asked.

“I would have run then- where I would have gone I don’t know,” she smirked, and Hux was struck again by how familiar that expression looked.  “Maybe I would have joined the Resistance.  But I wouldn’t have let him.”

Hux looked down at their hands. “Thank you.”

Mum squeezed his hands. “I don’t need thanks for that, my boy.”

Hux sniffed and looked away.  “What would you have done in the Resistance?” he asked eventually.

“Armies need to eat,” she said with a wry smile.  “Besides, I’m pretty good with knives.”

* * *

Takodana was beautiful. 

Hux had spent most of his life on ships or the occasional out of the way planetoid.  None of them had ever been this green.  When they disembarked the air was warm and slightly damp.  He’d never seen trees this large before- not that he could remember anyway.  He wished he was more awake.  Mum had had to rouse him from a deep sleep when they arrived- it’s not yet midday on Takodana though Hux’s internal clock insisted it was the middle of the night.  They’d landed outside some kind of… castle.  There really was no other word for the massive stone building.  It had some kind of statue of a humanoid with their arms outstretched at its highest point. 

The human pilot had disembarked before them and was talking to another human man several feet away. The droid was nowhere to be seen, Hux wondered if it ever left the ship.  Mum took his hand and tugged him off the ramp.

“There you are!” a feminine voice called.  A tiny orange skinned alien with large goggles was coming their way.  She walked up and slapped the pilot on the small of his back- as high as she could reach.  “It’s about time!  Our stocks are running low! Get these to the bar,” she added to the other human.

“Glad to see you too Maz,” The pilot said.  “The boss has some guests for you.” He nodded towards them.

“I heard,” Maz said.  She was watching the both of them intently.  She reached up and adjusted her goggles, making her eyes look absolutely giant.  “Come on then,” the small alien said, waving at them to follow.

“You’re looking for transport to Republic space right?” Maz asked as she led them to the main doors.

Hux didn’t catch his mum’s reply-distracted by the ridiculous number of banners draped all over the walls of the front courtyard.  He recognized a number of tribal and gang symbols- but most of them were a complete mystery to him.

“I know someone who makes trips to the nearest refugee port,” Maz said as she shoved the massive doors open. “I’ll introduce you.”

It was like walking into a sensory wall.  Hux was bombarded with sights and sounds and smells he was utterly unfamiliar with.  He was pretty sure he gasped, and Maz shot him a look- though who knew how she heard him over the din.

“GOOD NEWS!”  Maz roared, in a voice louder than Hux had thought her capable of. “THE DRINKS HAVE ARRIVED!”

There was a great deal of loud raucous cheering then, and Hux noticed their pilot and the other man from the landing pad unboxing alcohol behind the bar.  A Chiss woman at the bar leaned forward and snagged one of the bottles as the men are unloading.  She tucked it in the slightly overlarge long coat she was wearing.  The Chiss woman looked up and saw him watching.  She winked.

Something grabbed his arm and Hux jumped- but it was just Maz tugging him toward a massive empty chair not far from the entrance.

“Sit child,” she said.  It was strange to be treated like a child by someone half his size, but if the wrinkles on her face were any indication of her actual age Maz was more than old enough to.  “You and the luggage can stay here while your mother talks.”

He wanted to protest but then Mum handed him her bag and assured him she’d be fine.  So Hux sat with the bags in a chair big enough for at least two more people and watched Maz lead his mum over to talk to the Chiss woman at the bar.

Hux looked around the cantina curiously.  There were at least three different gambling tables going- besides the traditional Sabaac, one seemed to involve small robots fighting in a miniature ring.  The room was hazy with smoke and the air heavily scented with an unfamiliar spices.  There was a live band- their music purely instrumental and not unpleasant, though Hux didn’t recognize the tune.  There were at least a dozen species of aliens in his line of sight, including four that Hux hadn’t even heard of.

“If you live long enough you see the same eyes in different people,” Maz said thoughtfully.

Hux blinked, he hadn’t realized Maz had come back. She handed him a glass of water.

“I have my mother’s eyes,” he said eventually, not sure how else to respond to the small alien’s knowing look.  He sipped his water.

“Mmm… close,” Maz said.  She smiled at Hux and patted his arm.  “More hurt, less ease.  And stronger…Be sure to be honest with yourself child- even if you aren’t with everyone else.”

She left then, still smiling.  Hux stared after her, not sure what just happened.  He kept drinking and looking around- though he was careful not to stare. 

“Taj!”  Mum was waving him over to where she and the Chiss woman sat.

“We’ve got a ride.” His mum said eagerly when he joined them at the bar.

Hux tried to think of something to say, but nothing was forthcoming.  The Chiss woman was staring at him.  He opened his mouth to say something, anything, but as soon as his mouth opened he started yawning, hugely.  He covered his mouth quickly but his mum started laughing and hugged him.  Their pilot was smirking at him now.

“We can get underway as soon as you’re ready,” she said.

* * *

The Chiss woman’s ship was a tiny cruiser- built for quick hops from planet to planet and with barely enough room for both of them.

“It’ll be a few days to Niike Base.” The Chiss woman said when they boarded.  The hatch opened straight into a small living area with a tiny galley and a pair of bunks along one wall.  Off to the right was a short corridor that opened up onto the cockpit.  There were two visible seats.  The whole ship could easily fit inside the last ship they were on.  “The ship’s only got two beds so you two’ll have to rotate. Top bunk’s mine.  I suggest you go first kiddo,” she grinned at him before making for the cockpit.

Hux didn’t think he’d be able to sleep.  Yes he was tired- so tired- but he also felt keyed up and uneasy.  He didn’t want to sleep.  His mum insisted he lay down though, and then she sat with him instead of buckling in for take-off.

“Mum.  I’m fine.  You should-” 

“Shhhh…” Mum said. “You should worry about sleeping my boy.” She started running her fingers through his hair just behind his ear.  It was soothing in a deep instinctive way.  Like something he _knew_ but didn’t remember.  Hux found himself relaxing almost against his will.

He frowned up at his Mum- but she just chuckled at him and kept stroking his hair.  Hux dropped off almost immediately.

He woke up alone a few hours later.  After a while of staring blankly at the ceiling of the bunk he groggily got to his feet and looked for his mum.  It didn’t take long to find her in the second seat in the cockpit.  There really wasn’t anywhere else she could be.

“Taj,” Mum smiled at him.  “Good morning. Feeling better?”

Hux nodded.  “You should rest too Mum.”

“I should,” Mum agreed.  She stood and hugged him before heading back to the bunk.  Hux hesitated- unsure if he should follow her back or sit in the newly emptied seat in the cockpit.

“There’s nowhere to sit back there except at the dining table, and that bench is not the comfiest,” The Chiss woman said.  She had that same amused look on her face again.

Hux didn’t acknowledge her input.  But he did drop into the co-pilot seat beside her.  He crossed his arms and stared out the windows for a while- but they were in hyperspace so there wasn’t much to see.

“…I don’t think I caught your name,” he said finally, glancing her way.

“Razi’zeth’ashar,” she said, turning in her seat to meet his eyes.  “But Izetha will do just fine.  What about you Armitage Hux? What should I call you?”

“Just Hux.”

“That’s your family name right? Your father’s family name.  Why that one?  It’s not what your mother calls you,” she asked.

Hux could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks.  He had no intention of answering any of those questions.  “That’s none of your business and you are not my mother.”

She laughed.

“I thought all Chiss were Imperials,” he said, desperate to change the subject. 

“Is that why you’re acting like I have a stack of blackmail material on you tucked away?” she asked. She winked at him.  “I was thinking it was just your charming personality.  …Did you know there’s a planet in the Unknown Region where all people with red hair are put to death because the local religion says they are literally demons?”

Hux said nothing.  

Izetha was still smirking.  “We are not what people think if us. The universe is full of many strange and unusual things- and that would be true even if the Empire wasn’t dead.”

He got the feeling he should protest that assessment- but before he could decide if he would or not Izetha flipped a few switches on the console and stood.  “I’m going to get some sleep too.  If anything starts beeping wake me up before we all die.”

“Why are you doing this?” Hux asked before she could leave.

She outright grinned, like this direct question was a victory somehow. “Two reasons,” she said, counting them off on her fingers. “First, Maz asked me to and you looked interesting. And second, I have an agreement with the Republic’s Refugee Affairs division- I help shepherd refugees their way and they keep my fuel reserves full.”

After she left the cockpit Hux frowned out at hyperspace.  “That’s three reasons,” he muttered to himself.

* * *

 

Hux tried to avoid their pilot as best he could in the cruiser.  Though considering the ship had barely three rooms- if you counted the nearly nonexistent fresher- it was quite the challenge.  He swore Izetha was laughing at him whenever they interact.

But the days were nearly unbearable when he wasn’t distracted with trading looks and barbs with the Chiss woman.  He didn’t sleep well after that first night, instead he tossed and turned, thinking about what awaited him at the Republic’s base.

On their second day in space Hux had wondered aloud what was waiting for them and Izetha had said.  “They’ll bring you in, take away all your stuff to be searched, make you fill out a ton of forms and interview you to make sure you aren’t spies or anything before they set you up with a job and send you off to one of their planets that are accepting refugees.”

He couldn’t go back, he reminded himself.  Not even if he wanted to.  He didn’t know if he wanted to.  He’d run away yes, but from his father, his situation, not necessarily the Order.  But he had chosen his mother, and _away_ _from there_.  And there was only one place far enough away to be safe for both of them.

He was going to ruin this.  Just by existing, by having the father he did, he was going to get himself and his mother barred from entering the Republic.  What will they do then?  There was no going back, and he didn’t actually want to take Ponish up on his offer.  Maybe he could convince them to let his mother in- but then he’d be alone.  He seriously considered taking his mother’s name, but Izetha said they took DNA samples.  They’d know who his father was anyway.

“Stop worrying so much,” his mother murmured to him as he tried to sleep- but he couldn’t manage that either.   This was something he could not plan out all the steps of.  He knew Mum was worried too.  She was hiding it better though it was fairly evident in the way she clung tighter and tighter the closer they got to Republic space and the way she’d stay beside him when he finally managed to sleep.  He’d woken up to her watching him sleep a few times.  It felt like she was afraid he’d vanish if she didn’t watch him closely.

When they finally arrived it was a bit underwhelming.  Niike Base was an old gas mining operation orbiting a pale orange colored gas giant in a system on the very edge of Republic Space.  It was abandoned when newer technologies made it obsolete.  The Republic had retrofitted it and turned it into a refugee camp.  It obviously wasn’t originally designed for humans either, Hux thought as he ducked to go through the door Izetha pointed them to.  She was staying behind in the hangar.

“Have fun with your new life!  Make bad choices and remember laws are just suggestions!” she called after them before turning to harass the deck officer.

The hallway ceilings are high enough, despite the low doorways, but the few windows they passed were strange- they look to be made of some unfamiliar green material and are all rounded off triangles. The walls were an ugly dull orange and looked like they hadn’t been painted in years.  There’s a Tognath in a Republic uniform waiting at the end of the hall.  He ushered them into a doctor’s office for an exam.   After they got their blood drawn and a clean bill of health they were led to a desk tucked into a corner of a crowded office to fill out form after form after form before finally being shown a set of bunkbeds in a long hall full of them. 

“These are yours,” their most recent guide- a bored looking Twi’lek- said.  He was speaking loudly to carry over the background noise, the hall must have at least 200 beds and most appeared to be occupied.  The space was crowded with people of all species, Hux had heard at least three different languages on their walk here and all the signs are in at least six languages.  “The cafeteria’s through there and the bathrooms there.”  Their guide pointed at doorways off to their left and right.  “You’ll get your things back once they’re cleared- probably later today.  You still need to do the entrance interview- that usually takes three or four days to set up- and then we’ll help you get settled! Any ques-”

“Armitage Hux and Astra Allodia?” a human guard in a Republic military outfit interrupted.  The Twi’lek looked shocked- but shrugged and left them alone with the guard.

Mum had had a tight grip on his hand since they finished their forms.  Now she squeezed it so tightly Hux’s fingers ache.

“That’s us,” Mum said. 

The guard nodded. “We’re ready for your interviews.  Follow me.”

* * *

Leia got the message just as she was finishing an early morning meeting on Chandrila.  It was from a friend of hers in Refugee Affairs.  A refugee entry port on the edge of Republic space just got in a potential high value asset.  The attached datafile was labeled ‘Hux’- which couldn’t be real.  She remembered Brendol Hux well from his tenure at the Imperial Academy- the unsavory rumors of what he had done to the children under his care had lingered even with the Academy closed.  He’d fled into the Unknown Reaches more than a decade ago.  Hux was such a hardline Imperialist Leia couldn’t imagine what would make him leave.

But when she opened the file it was not Brendol Hux she found.  Apart from the hair, and something about the shape of his jaw, there was not much resemblance actually.

Armitage Hux looked slightly queasy and very young in the attached image.  He was about Ben’s age the file said, a bit older.  She’d been aware he existed- there’d been some scandal about him being born out of wedlock or something- but Leia had never seen the boy before.  The woman he came in with was not using the Hux family name, but Leia knew without checking the DNA profiles that this was the boy’s mother.  She was petite, with fine features, blonde hair and green eyes.  Her son resembled her greatly- Brendol must have been thrilled with that.

Their story- as summarized in the file- was that the mother had hunted down her lost son after being separated from him when he was a toddler, and having found him she snatched him up and ran with him.  Their interviews were attached.  Leia started up the mother’s. 

She was better at detecting lies in person, but nothing in the mother’s interview rang false.  The woman was very straightforward.  She had her son, now all she wanted was to keep him.

Amazingly- though perhaps that was a bit unkind- the boy seemed to be telling the truth too.  His interview was very interesting indeed.

The first thing she noticed as she queued up the playback was that the Hux boy seemed to be expecting more of an interrogation when he came in.  Less than five minutes in the boy started talking about the Order- Leia cancelled her next appointment.  Nearly two hours and another cancelled meeting later Armitage Hux lapsed into silence- having divulged everything he possibly could have about the First Order. 

He was terrified of what would happen now, Leia thought. He had insisted without prompting that his mother didn’t know anything about the Order three times during the interview.  Leia had realized after the second time that the boy was expecting recriminations- he sat there now and expected to be arrested or something worse.  He was trying to demonstrate his willingness to comply while sparing his mother if he could. 

The look of shock on his face when the interviewers thank him and let him go would have been funny if it wasn’t the result of a child thinking he’d been spared the gallows.

Leia double-checked who else received this information and sent it to a few more people- with specific timecodes from the boy’s interview where he talked about some useful things.  He hadn’t had locations for any shipyards, but he’d been very firm that they did exist- sadly Leia already knew this won’t be enough to sway much of the Senate.  But he had talked in length about his father’s Stormtrooper project- the exact horrifying specifics of it.  The kidnapping and ‘mental conditioning.’  And that was something the Senate at large had yet to hear. 

Leia cleared her last meeting for today and restarted the boy’s interview again.  There was something about him that… bothered her.  It’s not that the boy was lying- he wasn’t.  It was something else.

Eventually she stopped to eat something.  As Fate would have it she was only halfway through her meal when she got a second urgent message from the Refugee Affairs.  This message was from Wex Whills, one of Leia’s unofficial informants- and it was for her only.

The Hux boy came in with nothing but the clothes on his back and his school datapad.  They’d done a routine check of the datapad and found something disturbing _.  The plans are rough,_ Wex wrote. _But it looks like some kind of giant Death Star._

The attached grainy holo of the datapad’s screen made Leia’s blood run cold.  She could not read any of the writing, but the sketch was painfully familiar.

If she left now it would take her nearly five days to reach the outpost.  She abandoned her food and started calling around for a ship.

* * *

 

Hux was sitting side by side with his mum in the rec room.  Mum was nodding off against his shoulder- she should be in bed- but all the bunks were full right now.  The refugee dorms were overfull tonight- though only just.  Like they had been expecting Hux and his mother to be gone already. 

Hux stared blankly at the holomag he was holding.  It was his fault, he knew it.  They found Starkiller on his datapad and now they’re probably just waiting for the military police to get here to arrest him. 

He set the holomag down and folded his hands in his lap to keep them from shaking.  After they arrested him would they let his mum go?  He’d have to make sure they believed she knew nothing.  Was there anything else he could give them?  No.  He’d already told them everything he knew- about the Stormtroopers, the Academy, any tidbits of information he’d overheard from his father.

Would that be enough?  He could give them Starkiller too he supposed- though that sat wrong with him.  Starkiller was _his_.  But the Republic seemed to actually believe in the Galactic Concordance- maybe they wouldn’t want it in the first place.

The exterior door slid open- making Hux start which in turn woke his mum.  A man and a woman in Republic military uniforms entered.  Neither of them were very high ranked.  The man in charge seemed to be the lieutenant.  They had no visible weapons, but that hardly mattered.  They spotted him and Mum immediately, and headed straight for them.

“Hey there,” the lieutenant said- his nameplate said ‘Whills’.  He smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes.  Hux felt like he was going to vomit.  “Sorry to disturb you,” he continued.  “We’d like a word with you.  Armitage, right?”

“About what?” Mum demanded immediately.

The lieutenant held up his hands defensively.  “Just a few follow-up questions.  It shouldn’t take long at all.”

His mum looked like she was going to argue more. 

“It’s fine Mum,” he said quickly.  He didn’t want her getting any more mixed up in this if he could help it.

His mum gave him a look like she could see right through him.  Then she pulled him in for a tight hug.  Hux could nearly hear her worrying- _be safe my brave boy and come back to me_ \- so he kissed her cheek and tried to reassure her with the tightness of his hug that he’d try as hard as he could to stay with her.

Hux pulled away and followed the Republic troopers.  As they slipped into the hall one stepped in front of him and the other fell in behind him.  Like they were leading a prisoner to execution.

The room they took him to was not the same one he had had his first interview in.  This room was smaller, overbright, and the chair they pointed him towards was fixed to the floor.  Both officers sat across from him, and after a long moment of mutual staring- they were waiting for him to ask why he was here, but he wouldn’t do that- the woman pulled his datapad from her bag and held it in her hands.

“This is a nice device,” the woman said.  Her nameplate read ‘Antilles’. “Did your father get it for you?”

“No.” Hux answered shortly.

The man raised an eyebrow.  “Where did you get it then?” he asked.

“They’re standard issue for Advanced Engineering students,” Hux explained.

“You were in Advanced Engineering?” the man asked.  “There a lot of kids in that class?”

“Yes.  And no.  My class was only seven students.”

The woman was doing something to his datapad- she clipped some kind of device to it that must bypass his security somehow, because now the contents of his pad were displayed on a grainy holodisplay in the table.

“So these are for school?”  The woman asked, as she opened up the folder where Hux kept his school projects. 

“Yes,” Hux said.  Starkiller was in there, named something random that gave no clear indication of what it actually was.  Hux had no doubt the woman knew exactly where that file was.

 “There’s a number of concerning things in here,” the man said.  “Why do you have so many designs for weapons?” 

“I was at a military academy,” Hux explained, surely they already knew this.  “Most of the designs were for things the First Order actually needed, weapons included.”

“They implemented designs by school children?”

“If they were good enough,” Hux said.  He did not mention that he had had several designs of his go on to R&D. That was not something that would impress these people.

The woman navigated through his files and unerringly pulled up the Starkiller file.  “And what is this?”

Hux stared at the holoprojection of Starkiller.  The projector must be old, the image was grainy and unfocused, and most of the equations were unreadable. “We were working on designing an interstellar weapon when I left.  That’s my rough draft.”

“What were you making?” the man asked. “Because it looks like a Death Star.”

“That’s what my starting point was, but using solar energy instead of kyber crystals,” Hux lied. The design actually required quite a lot of kyber crystals…The Death Star resemblance was coincidental, though, a necessary side-effect of needing something at least planet-sized to house the quintessence in.  He met the man’s eyes and tried to make him believe him. “But I didn’t get very far.  I don’t think it would even work.”  It definitely wouldn’t if they tried to make it without kyber crystals.

The man nodded.  “It probably wouldn’t work,” he agreed blandly.

The woman gave her companion a look. 

“You didn’t get very far,” the woman pressed.  “Even though you were still working on it until you arrived here?”

Hux did not wince, but it was a near thing.  “I tinker with stuff when I’m nervous,” he admitted. 

The man seemed to have lost interest, but the woman looked unconvinced.  Hux met her eyes.  “I’m not going to finish it.  It was just for school and it wouldn’t even work.  I’ll delete it right now if you want me to.”  He held out his hand for the pad.

The woman hesitated.  She disconnected the device linking Hux’s datapad to the holoprojector and nearly held the pad out to Hux.  But she stopped at the last moment and set the pad down on the table.

Hux leaned forward. “I don’t want to hurt anyone.  I’m not going to go build a superweapon or anything.  It was just for school.”

“It was for school…” the woman echoed. 

No one spoke for a long moment, and Hux fidgeted, unsure what to do.

The woman and man looked dully at each other and then at Hux. 

“Can I go?” Hux asked.

“You can go,” they both said at once.

Hux stood.  The woman was looking down at her hands now, she looked confused.  Hux looked at the man.  “And you’ll release my mother and me from holding?”

The man nodded.  “We’ll release you from holding,” he said.

The woman was still looking at her hands.  Hux reached out slowly and picked up his datapad.  No one stopped him.  Hux tucked the pad into his jacket.  The man watched him blankly.

He left.  No one stopped him.  Hux had no idea what just happened, but he was not about to question it.  He walked alone back to the refugee sitting area where his mother was pacing.

“Taj!”  She hugged him tightly when he entered. “What happened?  Are you alright?”

Hux hugged his mum back.  “I’m fine,” he said.  “They just wanted to ask me about some of my school things… they let me leave.”

His mother wouldn’t let go of him, though Hux didn’t try very hard to get loose.  They settled into a seat in the corner of the room, leaning against each other and waiting for beds to open up.

* * *

A few hours later in the early morning, one of the civilian members of Refugee Affairs came in and told them they had been cleared for resettlement. 

There’s another flurry of paperwork. While Hux had been sleeping and obsessing over the contents of his datapad being found out Mum had been busy talking with the Refugee Affairs people.  They had enough money still to pay rent on a small apartment- and the Refugee Affairs people had helped Mum get a few job interviews lined up. 

The entire time they were doing paperwork Hux was expecting the military officers to come back in and arrest him.  But they never showed.  He didn’t see any more military officers at all actually.

Before they left Hux was handed a guide on how to determine where he was in the Republic’s unified school system.  He tucked it in his bag for later.

They were on a shuttle bound for a small planet called Vessa in a matter of hours.  Vessa was the lone planet in its system, orbiting a blue star of the same name.  It was centrally located between several more populous planets and had a number of space ports to capitalize on its location.  Besides that its main claim to fame was a number of health spas on the planet- apparently, Hux’s mum told him with heavy sarcasm, the local mud had ‘unique restorative properties.’

Their apartment would be small, Mum told him, and they’d have to share a bathroom.  But it was in one of the more popular spa towns and was only minutes from a sizable market.  It sounded … good.

Mum drifted off to sleep after a couple hours on the shuttle, but Hux could not seem to settle.  Finally he pulled out his datapad and started working on Starkiller’s targeting system to take his mind off things.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've decided 'Astra' is a fairly common but slightly old-fashioned name.
> 
> I read a headcannon somewhere that 'Antilles' was the Star Wars equivalent of 'Jones' or 'Smith' and it is my favorite thing. The woman in this chapter is not related to Wedge in any way.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter this time, but this was were it wanted to stop.
> 
> I think I've finally settle on Thursday/Friday as my update day. This is scheduled to change once I finish the fic, but I've still got...seven more scenes to write.

The apartment _was_ pretty small.  Besides the compact kitchen they had a small living room and two tiny bedrooms with a basic bathroom in between.  The sink in the bathroom dripped constantly, the garbage disposal in the kitchen was wired wrong and would short out all the kitchen appliances when they turned it on, and the island counter that divided the living room from the kitchen had a huge orange-brown stain on it that they couldn’t get off. 

Hux loved it.

Mum had insisted he take the room with the window.  It looked out on an undeveloped patch of land with numerous tall evergreen trees.  The furniture that had come with the apartment was all new and hopelessly mismatched- most of it was donated by locals- and the two-person table in the kitchen was made of real wood.  It had little vines carved around the legs.  The light fixture in the bathroom was real colored glass- original to the property, the landlord said- it tinted the tiny space in diamond patterns of green, gold and blue.

The weather on Vessa reminded Hux a little of Arkanis.  What he’d been told of it anyway, his own memories were rather vague.  Vessa was less rainy though, instead it was colder and almost perpetually overcast- only occasionally did the clouds part enough to reveal hints of the planet’s pale mint sky and silvery rings.  Hux kept expecting it to rain- but it did so only occasionally and then only light drizzles Hux hesitated to call rain.  Instead the water just stayed in the air- which was always faintly damp.

Hux had always liked rain, he used to open his window when it rained on Narrytt, or go out on the back stairs if he was home alone.  Pre-rain grey was even better in his opinion, you could still get things done in it without being soaked.  And that was what the weather was like all the time on Vessa.  His mum liked it too.

“Beautiful day,” she would say without a hint of sarcasm when they stepped out in their coats to go to the market.

The market here was giant.  Hux hadn’t had food that hadn’t come dehydrated out of a box for longer than he could remember- but Mum changed that.

She cooked all the time, and Hux would sit in their small kitchen watching her work- and helping- and… he remembered this, vaguely.  His memories of his early times with his mum were faint and far between, though Hux did all he could to bolster them.  He spent as much time in the kitchen with Mum as he could, learning how to cook in the process.

Mum’s job interviews went well.  By their third day she had a position at a local restaurant.

A few days after his mum started work Hux had sat down to figure out how much school he still needed to attend.  He had worked out- after a few hours of half-hearted studying and then several easy tests- he was done.

He’d received his diploma the night before, and today while Mum was at work he was reluctantly looking into engineering schools.  He wasn’t sure he wanted to go away so soon, but he also didn’t like the idea of sitting around doing nothing.

Maybe he could get a job?  But he couldn’t think of anything he could do that wouldn’t be mind-numbingly tedious.  Hux knew already he was not made for the service industry.  He had been reading and re-reading the same few paragraphs on this school’s engineering program page for at least ten minutes- absorbing nothing- when the timer went off in the kitchen.

Hux was up and on his way before he remembered what the timer was for.  Mum would be home fairly soon, but he was supposed to check the slow cooker for her.  Mum was making ‘stew- I think’ which Hux needed to stir.  He did so-it was still a little too runny to be stew but it smelled good. 

The almost-stew reminded Hux that he hadn’t eaten lunch yet.  He dug through the conservator for leftovers, finally settling on last night’s noodles.  He ate lunch at the kitchen island, datapad propped up against the spice rack so he could play one of those stupid free hologames one-handed.  This one was about finding explosives on a gridded plain using numbers that told you how many bombs were nearby.  Hux liked the game, although he thought the idea of sensors that could pick up the existence of bombs but not their exact location was stupid.

He jumped when someone buzzed the door and accidentally tapped on a bomb, prematurely ending his game.  He sighed and went to see who it was.

The screen by the door was out of order- the landlord said it would be fixed ‘soon’- so Hux opened the door blind.  It was probably one of the Chadra-Fan that lived across the hall-

That was Leia Organa.  Standing in the dingy hallway of this cheap apartment complex in a startlingly white dress that almost made her look like she was glowing.

“Hello,” said Leia Organa. “I’m Leia Organa.  I was hoping I could talk to you.”

Leia Organa’s expression stayed completely pleasantly neutral even when she had to wait far longer than she should have for Hux to respond.

Would he get in trouble if he shut the door in her face?  Probably.  What about not answering her question?  She asked him a question-

“My mother’s not here ma’am,” he said.

“I know,” Organa said.  Those two words ignited a minor panic- Why? Did she know anything about his mum’s schedule? Why would she know that?  Was Mum alright?

 “I want to talk to _you_ ,” Organa repeated. “Can I come in?”

 _No._   Hux stepped back and said nothing.  Organa took this as the invitation in Hux wasn’t sure it was.

The door shut behind her and now Hux was alone in his apartment with Leia Organa, standing awkwardly in the narrow walkway between the back of the couch and the kitchen island.

He was supposed to ask if she would like anything to drink, or ask her to have a seat or something wasn’t he?

“What do you want?” he said instead.

“I’m fine.” Organa said, either ignoring or ignorant of what Hux was really asking.  “I saw your interview with Refugee Affairs,” she said.  “I saw both of them in fact.”

Of course.  Of course there was a recording.  That had been stupid of him.  They had seen him take the pad and leave- but… but the guards hadn’t stopped him.  Hadn’t that meant it was alright?

Hux felt sick.  He swallowed hard.  “I didn’t do anything.”

“Calm down,” Organa said.  Her tone was soft-motherly- and it shouldn’t set him more on edge but it did.  Something about the words seem to cling to his mind and Hux found himself tensing more as he tried to throw off this false calm.  He shook his head- and Organa was watching him.

“You don’t know do you?” she asked quietly.

Hux crossed his arms.  “Know what?”

Organa didn’t answer.  She smiled at him in a way that’s probably supposed to be placating.  She looked around the room, and Hux saw her eyes catch on his datapad.  It was still propped up against the spice rack with the Game Over screen on it.  Hux could almost feel her desire to pick it up and look through it.

“What happened to your little school project?” Organa asked.  Starkiller, she meant Starkiller.

“I deleted it,” Hux lied.  He had renamed it and tucked it away in a hidden encrypted folder. 

…She thought he was lying, but wasn’t sure.  Good.  Since being straightforward wasn’t working Hux fell back on being polite.

“Please have a seat.  Would you like anything to drink?”  Hux said as he ducked into the kitchen to get away for a little bit.

“I’m fine.” Organa repeated.

Hux examined the almost stew, and checked the chrono.  Mum was just getting off shift, she would be home soon.  But he couldn’t hide in the kitchen until then, no matter how much he wanted to.

He left the kitchen and found Leia Organa sitting on the couch, in the corner farthest from the door.  Hux hated it.  She was too far into the house, between both him and his room _and_ him and the door.  Hux hesitated, but ultimately went to sit on the other side of the couch, collecting his datapad on the way and sitting with his back to the door.  He hugged the pad to his chest protectively.

Leia Organa was still watching him, looking for something.  “You didn’t think it was strange?” she asked.

“The list of strange things that have happened to me in the last month is very long.  You’re going to have to be more specific.” Hux said.

Organa didn’t like that.  Hux saw the hint of annoyance on her face before she covered it back up with her calm kindly face.

“Why are you here?” Hux asked.

“I just want to talk to you,” she said.

Hux was scared and anxious and that made him defensive- which in turn made him angry and frayed his patience all at once.  “Can we cut the touchy-feely Republic bullshit so you can just tell me what you want?  I can’t imagine there isn’t something more important for you to be doing.”

Organa looked at him like he’s slapped her- and then the annoyed face came back.

“You’re Force sensitive.” Organa said.

Hux blinked, that was not the answer he expected.  “No I’m not.”

“Yes, you are.”

“No I’m not.”

“ _Yes_. You are.”

“No I’m not.”

And then Hux felt something- someone pushing against his… him.  His mind.

“Stop it!” Hux snapped immediately.  He knew Organa was doing something.

“Someone who wasn’t Force sensitive wouldn’t even have felt that,” Organa said smugly.

Hux didn’t know what to say, he squeezed the datapad to his chest so tightly it dug into his palms.

“I thought you did it intentionally- but it’s clear to me now you had no idea what you were doing.  You mind tricked the security officers at Niike Base into letting you leave.”

“I didn’t do anything,” Hux said quietly.  He didn’t have any idea what to do.  He wasn’t- The Force wasn’t something he’d ever related to himself.  It was some strange mystical thing that effected other strange people.  Not him. 

Organa looked soft again.  Pitying.  “Yes.  You did.”

The door opened.

“Taj?” his mother called as she entered.  Hux felt her stop when she saw Organa.  She dropped something, a bag.  Hux stood and went to his mum.  She looked him over frantically and hugged him tight to her.  She was pale and frightened- like Hux felt.

“Are you ok?” she murmured.

Hux just nodded. And then his Mum stepped between him and Organa.  That would work better if he wasn’t nearly a head taller than his mum- but it did make him feel better.

“What do you want?” Mum asked Organa.

“I have an opportunity I’d like to discuss with you both.” Leia said calmly.  She gestured at the couch, indicating they should sit.

Hux could feel his mum stiffen and Hux understood why.  This was their house.  Organa didn’t get to tell them what to do.  Mum took his hand and pulled him into the kitchen instead.

She was thinking about asking Organa if she wanted a drink.

“I already asked her if she wanted anything.” Hux said.  He froze as his mother nodded and turned to the slow cooker.  Mum hadn’t said anything, he had just known what she was going to ask.

Mum fiddled with the stew. 

“She said- she said I’m Force sensitive,” Hux told her quietly.

Mum stopped halfway through putting the lid back on the cooker.  She did nothing for a moment, then she turned to him, eyes steely and determined.  She hugged him again, almost painfully tight, and Hux felt- _how_ , he was just now beginning to question, _how was he feeling this?_ \- her resolve to keep him safe and with her.

“We’ll listen to what she has to say and then she can leave.”  Mum told him.

Hux nodded, unable to speak, and followed his mum back into the living room.  Organa had moved in their absence, and was now standing by the edge of couch.  Her white dress draped elegantly around her- who even wore a floor length dress to something like this?  And _white_? Was it supposed to be comforting?  Because to a child raised in the splintered corpse of the Empire Leia Organa in white was not a comforting image. 

“I don’t want to disturb you much longer,” she said.  She must be switching tactics in the face of Mum’s standoffish attitude.  She held out a datadisc that Mum took.  “Armitage is a gifted boy. My brother runs a school for children like your son.  I think he’d do well there.”

Mum didn’t say anything.  Hux put on his best blank face and hid his datapad behind his back.  As if that would keep it safe.  He just wanted this to be over.

The light in the kitchen flickered.

Leia Organa’s kindly smile went fixed.  “There wouldn’t be any cost to you,” she said.  “All the information is there.  Think it over.  My contact information is there as well.” 

“We’ll consider it.” Mum said calmly.

“Do,” Organa said.  “I’ll be in touch.” 

Hux couldn’t tell if that was supposed to be a threat or not.  But she was leaving, so Hux hardly cared.

Once Organa left his mum led him over to the couch and sat him down. 

“Breathe.” Mum told him, as she gently took his datapad and laid it on the side table.  His fingers ached.  Hux tried to breathe.

“I think she’s right,” Hux told her. " I think I'm-"  He couldn't say it.

Mum sat down beside him and pulled him close. “What do you want to do?” she asked.

“I don’t want to talk about this,” Hux admitted.  “Not now.”

Mum nodded.  “Later then.  I brought home some clothes for you.”

Hux laughed shakily. “Why?”

“One of the waitresses has a son about your size, or he used to be your size.”  Mum said. “He hit a growth spurt and now she has a bunch of teenaged boy clothes that don’t fit him anymore so she gave them to me.”

“Is any of it wearable?” Hux asked, feeling less unsteady with something to distract him.

Mum shrugged.  “Most of it doesn’t look hideous.” She waved toward the bag she'd dropped by the door.  “Go try them on.”

* * *

 

“Tell me what you’re thinking my fierce boy.”  Mum asked hours later, after an impromptu fashion show and later dinner. 

Most of the clothes were a tiny bit oversized but good- there had been one truly ugly orange tunic thing they discarded after laughing at it a bit.  The stew was only alright, Mum had plans for an improved second batch already. 

He and his mum were on the couch.  Hux was folding his new clothes, and Mum was reading the information Organa brought over.  She had borrowed his datapad to do more research.

Hux sighed. “…It’s not a bad idea,” he said. “If I’m really Force-sensitive, and Organa certainly thinks I am, then it makes sense for me to learn how to use my abilities-I’d hate to waste them… But…”

He could almost hear his father calling him pathetic for what he wanted to say.  His objection was the purest sentimental drivel.

Mum looked up from her research.  She rested a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“I don’t want to lose you so soon after I’ve found you again,” Hux admitted.

Mum put down the datapad and pulled him in for a hug. “You are hardly going to lose me.  I think I’ve sufficiently proven I will always find you my boy.  You’d just be away for a bit.  You can take your datapad and comm or message me every day.  I’d expect you home for every break.  And if you went, and tried it and hated it, then I would be there to get you immediately- as soon as you asked.”

Hux relaxed a little.

“Sleep on it.” Mum said.  She handed him the information to look over.  “Read about it. For a week if you want.  Two weeks.  You don’t have to make any decisions right now.”

“You always know exactly what you want.” Hux pointed out.

Mum hummed in agreement.  “You are not me though sweet boy.  Better you think on it and make a decision you are sure of.”

“What do you want now?”  Hux asked.

Mum played with his hair. “For you to be happy,” she said. “And for you to be free to be exactly who you wish.”

* * *

Ten days after her disastrous meeting with the Hux boy and his mother, Leia got a list of 54 questions about Luke’s school.  _Fifty-four_. 

Luke of course thought this was hilarious, Leia was less amused.  But Luke patiently answered all the questions, passing on his own contact information in case they have any more questions.

It took another three weeks, and several more rounds of questions before arrangements were finalized.  Armitage Hux would be joining Luke at his school.

Leia hoped she had made the right decision.

Luke was certain she had.  “Think about where he came from,” he said.  “He just wants to get away from all of that.  And we can help him.”

She supposed only time would tell.  Maybe this would be good for the boy.

Well, at least with his temperament it was unlikely Armitage Hux would get along with Ben.

* * *

“Ben, stay behind a moment would you?” Uncle Luke said. 

He thought about leaving anyway.  About pretending he didn’t hear.  But in the end it wasn’t worth the effort or the scolding that would come later.

He stayed seated as the other padawans left, then stood up and went to his uncle.

“Yes Uncle?” he sighed.  He half expected to be scolded for something anyway.

Uncle Luke smiled at him.  “I have something I could use your help with.”

Ben blinked, that was unexpected.  Interested despite himself he asked.  “What?”

It felt like it’d been a long time since his uncle trusted him with anything. 

“We’re getting a new student soon.  I was hoping you could assist me with his training.”

Ben wrinkled his nose, his uncle wanted him to baby-sit? “Why?”

“He’s 15,” Uncle Luke said.

“Really?”

Luke nodded. “Obviously I’d rather not make him learn the basics along with Rey and the other younglings.  I thought you could show him how to start off- meditation, physical manipulation, and those kinds of things- instead.  You’re skilled enough and I’m hoping it will make things easier on him too.  You don’t have to,” his uncle added.  “And if you meet him and work with him a while and it’s not working out that’s fine too.  What do you think?”

Ben shrugged, trying to conceal how exciting he found the idea- someone he could train!  Like his very own padawan.  “Why is he coming in so late?”

“He’s a refugee,” Uncle Luke said.  “He and his mother defected from the First Order a few months ago.  He was in their officer academy before that.  Force-sensitivity isn’t something they screen for.”

“So how’d they figure it out?” Ben asked.

“Your mother actually brought him to my attention.”

Which meant he was good, if Mom noticed him.  Strong.  Even if he didn’t know anything about the Force yet.

And Uncle Luke wanted Ben to train him.

Ben nodded, and smiled.  “I can help him.”

“Good!”  Uncle Luke said. He clapped Ben on the back.  “He’ll be here next week.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh hey look! Ben's in this chapter!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm super busy IRL and this chapter was a bitch to edit, but here it is!

The new boy was coming late tonight, but Ben didn’t want to wait until tomorrow morning to meet him.  So about an hour after the Lights Out chimes sounded Ben snuck out of his room to do some spying.  The roof access door was just down the hall, and Ben had made a point of learning how to bypass various kinds of locks with the Force.  He could open most of the doors on campus, so it was child’s play to make his way up onto the roof. 

That’s where he was almost two hours later when the shuttle arrived- landing in the large open space in the middle of the school grounds.  He saw his uncle going out to meet the ship-and realized he needed to be back in his room when they got to the dorms. He crept down the roof access stairs, making sure to lock the door behind him for plausible deniability and hurried down the hall to his own room.  He was just in time, as his door slid shut he heard people coming closer.  The new boy’s room was just across the hall and slightly further down than Ben’s.  He couldn’t resist activating the door’s manual controls so he could crack it open the tiniest bit…

“…and tomorrow after breakfast I’ll give you a tour.”  Uncle Luke was saying.

Red hair.  That was the first thing Ben noticed.  He had bright red hair spilling across his forehead, and high prominent cheekbones.  The boy was tall and thin… though Ben was about the same size. He was also really really tired, Ben realized, noting his posture and the feel of his presence in the Force.  Exhausted looking green eyes, complete with dark circles, gazed around the hall as the boy followed Uncle Luke.  The other boy’s eyes met his, and since he'd been caught anyway Ben opened the door all the way.

“Ben,” Uncle Luke said. “You should be asleep.”

Ben shrugged, you didn’t actually have to have your lights off after the chimes; you just had to be in your room. And Ben was, now.

“I wasn’t tired,” he explained.  “I’m Ben,” he told the new boy.  Ben almost offered him a hand to shake- but at the last second he realized both the other boy’s hands were full.  He had his bag in one hand and a datapad in the other.  Ben felt a little jealous.  His parents had refused to let him bring his personal datapad with him to school even though most of the other kids had one.

“Armitage Hux,” the boy said, green eyes look him over thoroughly.  Ben could feel his face heating up under the scrutiny.  He hoped it wasn’t too obvious. “But just Hux is fine.”

“Introductions would be best concluded tomorrow I think,” Uncle Luke said.  The boy’s examination of Ben was halted as he yawned, bringing the hand holding the datapad up to cover his mouth.  Uncle Luke waved Hux on and into his room.  The boy went, and as he passed Ben noticed he had pale freckles across his cheeks.  “He’ll be joining us tomorrow for lightsaber training.”

Ben nodded and ducked back into his room. Making sure to lock the door behind him.

The new boy- Hux- was cute.  Ben groaned and flopped down on his bed.  It was no surprise to him that he found guys cute- he’d had that terrible awkward crush on Poe Dameron for way too long a few years ago- but it had been a while since he had felt an immediate attraction like that.  It wasn’t bad exactly.  He was going to get to spend a lot of time with Hux, so long as he didn’t embarrass himself he would have plenty of opportunities to get to know Hux better. 

With that to look forward to Ben tried to put Hux out of his mind and go to sleep.  He would need his rest so he could be in top form for tomorrow’s lightsaber training.

* * *

Hux had thought he knew how schools worked.  His father ran one after all. He’d seen a few set up. 

This was a very different type of school though.  Hux brought the total class size up to 18 students.  About half of those children were under 12 years old and were only there part of the year- for them Jedi School was more like sleepaway Jedi camp.   The younglings weren’t there currently, so Hux only had to learn and remember the names of the nine other older children right now.

Skywalker (“Call me Luke, and 'Master’ is entirely optional.”) had started his tour by leading him through the large atrium in the middle of the main building.  It was apparently for ‘Group’- whatever that was. There were two wings off this center room, the west was mostly smaller classrooms and the medbay and the east wing was the kitchens and  cafeteria.  Skywalker then introduced him to the other 'staff.'  It turned out Skywalker was the only adult on campus- the medbay, kitchens and library were all manned by droids.  Droids Skywalker all knew by name.  At least all the ones in the medbay and cafeteria spoke Basic, Hux didn't know what he'd do if he had to learn Binary to find out what was for lunch.

Outside of the main building there was a large bare courtyard, and directly across from the main building was the gym.  Off on the left, slanting away at an angle was the library and across from that was the dormitory.  The campus was mostly dirt and dried grass, there were exactly two trees on the school grounds, a tall skinny thing between the dorm and the main building and an absolutely massive specimen between the gym and library.  The school itself sat a few hundred yards from some low sea cliffs and the ocean on one side, and hilly grasslands on every other.  They were the only settlement on this particular planet, tucked away in a mostly empty corner of the galaxy.

After a brief-too brief in Hux’s opinion- tour of the library, Skywalker led him across the courtyard toward the gym.  “I’m teaching a lightsaber training class soon, I think it would be good for you to join in- even if you only want to watch this time,” he said.

Hux nodded and followed Skywalker into the gym.  There was the standard exercise equipment, as well as a large area covered in mats, but they made their way over to a cabinet in the back wall.  Skywalker opened it to reveal rows and rows of lightsabers.

“These are training sabers,” he explained- handing Hux one.  He showed Hux how to switch it on- the blade was pale green.  It was a strange surreal moment for Hux, he had never thought he would be holding a lightsaber.  It was never even something he’d fantasized about, the idea being so plainly out of reach for him.

Skywalker was going on and on about the safety features of the training sabers- they couldn’t cut you, only bruise or make light burns.  Still, Hux shouldn’t lick them or deliberately hit people with them, et cetera.

Hux listened with half an ear and tried out a few of the practice moves he remembered from his sword training.

“Have you had any training?” Luke asked, breaking off his monologue. 

“There’s combat training at the Academy,” Hux explained. “I’ve had some staff and sword training, but mostly hand-to-hand and blaster practice.  I’m good at blasters.”

That was all this strangely placid man needed to know, Hux decided.  He’d realized from their first meeting that Luke Skywalker was an odd man, he’d helped overthrow the Empire, but was gentle in a way Hux didn’t quite comprehend.  It was genuine, not some kind of act to illicit any particular reaction from Hux, but it was still strange.  Skywalker didn’t need to know the Academy used real weapons for their training classes or what happened because of that.  Hux pushed those memories back and focused on now.  Lightsaber training wouldn’t be anything like Academy training.  He’d have to be careful not to hurt anyone.

“It looks like you aren’t bad with a saber either- though they’re a bit different from swords,” Skywalker said.

Hux just nodded.  The weight was completely different, for starters.

“We have a shooting range.” Skywalker said, finally catching Hux’s interest. Skywalker nodded off to their left. “It’s over the hill behind the gym.  You’re welcome to practice there on your free time.”

“…I’d like that,” Hux said.  He wondered if they have any long range weapons, those had always been his favorite.  He could have asked but didn’t.  He’d gotten strange looks before for admitting that he found shooting relaxing.  He didn’t want to get kicked out for not being Jedi enough- not yet anyway. 

Skywalker was smiling at him like he’d done something precocious. “Let’s run through some basics.”

* * *

Harrand yielded _again_ and Ben tried not to be too visibly frustrated.  He was too good at this to be wasting time sparring with _Harrand_ -who couldn’t keep track of his own feet if his life depended on it.  In an earnest duel with real sabers Ben was pretty sure Harrand would trip over his own feet and off a cliff in the first five minutes- if the blond idiot made it that long.

Normally Ben would be more annoyed about being forced to spar with Harrand- even though he was the only one even close to Ben’s skill level.  But today he was distracted.  Harrand was almost pathetically relieved Ben was going easy on him, but Ben wasn’t holding back for his benefit.  Uncle Luke was bringing the new boy today.

They formed up to start again- but then Ben heard people on the path to the gym.  He pulled away and turned off his saber, leaving Harrand standing there awkwardly as he went to look down the hill at who was coming.

“Hey!” Harrand called behind him.  “What’re you-“

“Shh!  It’s the new boy!” Ben told him.

“What new boy?”

Right, Uncle Luke had only told Ben the boy was coming, and he was the only one awake when Hux had arrived.  Harrand’s not the most observant, he probably hadn’t noticed the new face at breakfast.  Hux hadn’t exactly tried to make friends, or talked, at all.

“He came in last night,” Ben told Harrand.  “He escaped from the First Order.”

“The First Order?” Harrand whispered like someone would overhear them.  Ben rolled his eyes.  Harrand was an insatiable gossip, maybe he should have kept that last tidbit to himself.  “Aren’t they like a weird cult?”

Not really, Ben thought.  A rogue government would be closer. He shrugged. “Aren’t the Jedi like a weird cult?”

“Ben! I’m serious!”

So was he, but apparently Harrand thought he was just being a smartass.

Harrand came to stand next to him- too close- Ben shifted a half step away.  Harrand didn’t seem to notice.  “I mean what if he’s still brainwashed?  What if he’s dangerous?”

Ben thought about the slight boy he’d seen last night.  Long pale fingers wrapped around a datapad and pale feathery lashes fluttering against his freckled face.

Ben shook the memories out of his head.  He grinned at Harrand.  “Not as dangerous as me.” 

That was supposed to be a joke.  But now Harrand was looking at him like he’s crazy.

Uncle Luke and the Hux boy arrived then at least, so he didn’t have to keep talking to Harrand.

“Boys!” Uncle Luke called.  “This is Armitage Hux.  He’s just joined us. Taj, I believe you’ve met Ben.  This is Harrand.  They’re in my most advanced saber training class.  Considering your experience Taj, I thought we’d do a little practice sparring. Just to see how Hux compares to you two.” Luke said.  “Harrand? Would you…”

But Harrand was shaking his head. “I’m pretty tired already,” he said. “Ben’s been running me ragged. He can go first

Which wasn’t untrue exactly, but that’s not why Harrand was trying to avoid sparring.  Uncle Luke eyed him thoughtfully, and Ben tried to convey with just his face and body language that he’d go easy on the new boy.  Honestly.

…He must have nudged the thought at Uncle Luke just a little- he got a gentle prod back, reminding him to keep his thoughts in his own head. 

Finally Uncle Luke nodded. “Alright, Ben and Taj then,” he said.  “Nothing too rough boys.  Remember this is just a practice spar.”

They moved to the center of the ring and face off.  Ben ignited his saber and waited for Hux to do the same.

Hux looked uncomfortable with the balance of the blade once he lit it up, so Ben let him fuss over his grip even though he wanted to _go already_.  Hux glanced up at him then and Ben wondered if he was projecting again.  He couldn’t get anything at all from the other boy.  Not confidence, or nerves- nothing.  It’s a little annoying, Ben was used to knowing at least people’s general moods.  He'd gotten feelings from him last night hadn't he?  Maybe he'd just read Hux's body language?

Finally Hux was happy with his grip.  He met Ben’s eyes again and nodded.

Ben darted forward, swinging up at Hux’s face.  It’s not exactly a beginner’s move, but part of Ben just wanted to see Hux’s serious face crack or to sense some startled thought.  Only Hux caught the blow and deflected it away.  He eyed Ben intently and waited, not going on the offensive himself.

Ben tried a few more swings and was countered every time.  Hux’s footwork was good, Ben noted absently as he circled the other boy.  He spent another minute or so trying to poke holes in Hux’s defensive wall.  He was very good on the defensive too, Ben admitted as he begrudgingly settled in to break Hux out of his protective stance the long way.

Except his next lunge wasn’t just blocked- it was countered and Ben had to dance back away from the follow up blow Hux aimed at his legs.  Ben frowned at Hux, annoyed that the new kid had gotten the better of him- and met green eyes alight with excitement, though Hux’s face remained passive.  Ben found himself smirking instead of feeling angry.

He picked up the speed.  Hux continued to stay mostly on the defensive but the blows he did attempt were good- well aimed and Ben couldn’t seem to work out when the next one would be coming until it was almost too late.

“Boys!” he heard his uncle call- but there was a gap, in Hux’s wall, right there- it was the first he had seen in Hux’s defenses and he moved without thought, closing the distance between them hard and fast.  Hux just barely dodged- and reflexively jerked his saber up, slamming the long length of the glowing blade into Ben’s jaw.  If they were using real sabers the blow would have seared off half of Ben’s face.  As it was the impact site burned worse than anything Ben could remember.

Ben Force-shoved Hux away on instinct.  He pushed hard enough to knock the ginger on his ass, the practice saber slipped from Hux’s hand and skittered away.  Ben dropped his own saber a reached up-

Uncle Luke was there immediately, pulling his hand away from his face. He winced when he looked at Ben.  “Don’t touch it,” he said quietly.  Ben caught a glance of Harrand, standing off to the side with both hands clamped over his mouth, eyes wide as saucers.

Uncle Luke dropped Ben’s hand and turned toward Hux, who had picked himself up off the ground.  “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine. Is-“

“You’re asking him if he’s ok?!” Ben shouted. 

Uncle Luke looked disappointed.  “It was an accident Ben.  Accidents happen all the time in training.”

_Especially when it’s you training, Ben_.  His uncle did not say, but Ben knew he was thinking it.  He clenched his fists so tightly his nails dug into his palms.  This wasn’t his fault.  Not this time. 

Uncle Luke was talking, but Ben didn’t hear most of it over the pounding in his ears.  He knew the gist of it anyway, it never really changed. ‘Friendly learning environment’ blahblah ‘appropriate behavior’ blahblahblah insert worried note about how aggression was a dangerous feeling.  And end with a suggestion to ‘shake hands and make up,’ which always made Ben want to punch something.

Hux stared at Uncle Luke like he was insane.  Hux glanced at Ben, and Ben glared right back.  “I just hit him in the face with a laser sword.  He doesn’t want to shake my hand,” Hux said.

Uncle Luke sighed.  Ben could see his uncle winding up to lecture Hux but he was _done_.  He didn’t wait for his uncle to keep talking.  He turned and stormed off.  Harrand was in his way, so Ben shoved him aside and almost ran down the hill.

“Ben!” he heard behind him.  He didn’t stop.

Ben retreated to his rooms, his face stinging painfully.  He should probably have grabbed a first aid kit or something, but he’d been so mad.  Mad at that stupid kid with his stupid name for being good, for not being the reedy pushover he’d looked like.  Mad at himself for being so flippant about it.  Armitage was good with a saber, had been the most interesting opponent Ben had faced in months, but he wasn't that good.  That last blow should have never landed.  Ben had been cocky and overconfident.  He was especially mad at Uncle Luke for trying to get them to ‘make up.’  At least the First Order brat had been as against that as Ben had.

His face really stung- it wasn’t actually that bad he knew- just a mild burn- but he couldn’t move his jaw at all without pulling at it.

Someone knocked on his door.  Probably Uncle Luke, disappointed in him as usual.

“Go away!” he yelled.  That usually worked with his uncle- Luke tried to avoid him when he was angry.

“No.”  That wasn’t his uncle. That was Hux.

He should just leave His Imperial Bitchiness standing on the doorstep…  but what he actually did was stamp across the room, tear the door open and snarled in that asshole’s stupid freckly face.  “What do you want?”

Armitage Hux did not shrink in on himself or jump back like most people did when he yelled at them.  Instead he just stood there watching Ben loom and snarl at him with a vaguely annoyed look on his face.  His mind was equally unreadable, so Ben had no idea if Hux meant it when he said “I came to apologize.”

It sounded like he meant it though, and that was enough to halt Ben’s anger for a moment.  He took a half-step back, realizing that because Hux hadn’t flinched away Ben had been standing nearly nose to nose with him.  Hux followed him, stepping forward so he was firmly in the doorway and Ben couldn’t shut him out.

“And I brought ointment just in case you hadn’t seen to your burn yet.  Looks like I was right about that.”

“Go away.” Ben snapped.

“Let me help you,”  Hux insisted.

“I don’t need help!”

“I want to help.”

“Why?”

Hux let out a long sigh- and his feelings were suddenly there- easy to read and nearly too loud.  Frustration that this wasn’t going how he planned.  Annoyance, a bit, at Ben for being so difficult and even more at himself for not handling this better.  And, underneath that, genuine guilty and contrition.

“Because I hit you in the face with a fucking lightsaber and I really didn’t mean to, and I’m sorry,” he said.

“Fine.” Ben grumbled and stepped back, letting Hux in.

The options for sitting were his bed or the floor so Ben dropped down onto the rug and Hux followed suit.  He held out the ointment, bacta-infused by the smell of it, for Ben to take.

Ben just glared at Hux, so after a moment the other boy awkwardly opened the package and started applying the gel to Ben’s face- starting at his chin.  It felt good- soothing and Ben felt himself unwind a little.  Enough that he only sounded put-out not angry when he said. “You’re better with a saber than I thought you’d be.”

Hux eyed him and continued rubbing the salve up along Ben’s jaw and cheek.  “I just came from a military academy.  We had combat training,” he pointed out.

 Hux was blushing, though his thoughts didn't give Ben a why.  “I’m more used to staffs.” Hux admitted. 

There was something stern in his face and if Ben couldn’t hear what he was thinking he might interpret it as contempt, but Hux’s thoughts were a different thing altogether.

_He will not apologize for being good.  He will not apologize for Ben looking at him and seeing a pushover.  He may be slight-_ thin as a sheet of paper and just as useless _\- but he is not_ weak _._

“I won’t underestimate you again you know,”  Ben said.  It occurred to him that if they'd been sparring with staffs Hux’s blow to his chin would have just a clipped him- it would have stung, maybe startled him into backing off a little, but no serious damage would have been done.

“Good.” Hux said, he met Ben’s eyes steadily.  He had very green eyes. “You shouldn’t.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is Harrand his first name or last name? Good question! I'll let you know if he ever tells me.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am seeing The Last Jedi in an hour and I am freaking out.
> 
> In other news, I finished writing the fic! It's 73,442 words according to Microsoft Word, which is the longest thing I've ever written. I'm not sure what this means for updating yet, I'm going to try to post chapters as soon as I can get them edited- but at the same time I don't want to rush editing.
> 
> Content Warning: This chapter has the masturbation mentioned in the tags, it's super glossed over but if it's not your thing just skip down to the scene break when you hit "Ben blinked back to himself in his room." The 'non-graphic gore' tag also shows up in this chapter, if you'd rather skip exposed organs- bloodless and no one's hurt- just stop reading when you hit "Hux smiled as he drifted off to sleep."

The next few days were- awkward.  Harrand had, of course, not kept his mouth shut so within hours everyone knew what had happened in saber training.  Harrand’s version of it anyway.  The rumors that came back to Ben painted Hux as some First Order psycho who nearly hacked Ben’s face off with a practice saber.  He got a few sympathetic looks, but the incident didn’t suddenly make him Mr. Popular. He got the feeling people thought he deserved it. 

Ben had tried to talk to Hux again since the night if the accident- but Hux was actively avoiding everyone.  He usually couldn’t even tell for sure when Hux was in his rooms.  Hux had no consistent volume on his inner thoughts- sometimes he was too loud and other times Ben couldn’t hear him at all.  And when Ben could tell Hux was in his room often his thoughts hummed incessantly while he worked on… something.  Ben didn’t want to interrupt when Hux was obviously busy.

Group was today though, he would definitely be able to catch Hux then.

* * *

‘Group’ Hux learned, was a weekly gathering of all the students currently at the school.  They sat together in a circle around Luke, and Skywalker would lecture them on the Force- or occasionally tell them stories from his own haphazard training and his time with the Rebellion. 

Afterwards there would be a short ‘communing with the Force’ period.  Hux sat there, feeling unprepared and uncomfortable.

“Relax.” Luke said, to everyone. “Feel the Force.  How it moves around you and through you.”

He felt utterly ridiculous, but Hux tried to follow along.  He shut his eyes and tried to ‘feel the Force.’

…He was honestly pretty surprised when it worked.

He could feel it- the pulse of the Force winding around the room, through the other students in the room and Skywalker.

Hux had never noticed anything like this before- he wondered if he’d been dragged along in the wake of all the other students somehow, and resolved to try again later when he was alone.

He could tell where everyone in the room was with his eyes closed.  It… it was like he was surrounded by a wire sculpture of the room and its occupants.  One that he could feel as a kind of vibrating hum radiating out around him.  He could stand up, he thought, and walk around the room without tripping over anyone.  That was actually what Luke was doing.

Hux was examining the unique loops of energy between the Twi’lek girls across the room- what did that mean? - when he felt it.  The sensation that someone was nudging at his own flow of Force energy.  He had no idea how to nudge back, but when it happened again Hux traced the feeling back to Ben.  Ben was behind him, but Hux didn’t have to turn to examine him.  Ben had a lot more Force energy than the other students- he hummed deeper somehow, resonating more.

Luke walked by then, still talking about how the Force bound everything together.  As he passed Ben Hux noted they also had looping Force energy between them.  Did it indicate familial relations then?  The Twi’lek girls could be siblings. 

He was nudged again, but ignored it. 

Instead he focused on himself.  Most of his energies stayed local, flowing around the room or through his classmates -no loops though- but there were a few that vanished off to other places he could not sense.  Did those link him to his family?  If his mother was here would there be loops of energy between them?

…Did one of those lines of energy stretch all the way to his father?

Luke’s monologue had changed now.  He was telling them to come back to themselves.

Hux opened his eyes and spent a few minutes blinking away a strange faint impression of Force lines flowing across his vision.  He tried to center himself as best he could.

Luke smiled at him as he dismissed them.  Hux had apparently done well for his first time.  He could almost feel Ben staring at him.

“Ben,” Luke said as they all filed out.  “Can you stay a bit?”

So Ben stayed behind while Hux and the other students exited out into the late afternoon.  There were no more lessons today, everyone was free to do as they wish.  About half the other students were heading for the library- the rest were making their way back to the dorms.

Hux hung back, considering his options.  …He’d like to work on Starkiller, he thought.  Maybe call his mother.  He needed his datapad for both and that’s in his room.

There are a bunch of kids in the hall outside his room.  They were talking about going down to one of the beaches, but fell silent as he passed.

“Do you think he’s ever killed anyone?” an Adarian boy whispered not at all quietly.

The others shushed him and Hux thought that was it- until the boy called out just as Hux reached his door.

“Hey! Hux! You ever kill anyone?”

Hux stopped, and stared at the group of children… They wouldn’t believe him no matter what he said…and Harrand was there, he realized, so if they didn’t know about where Ben got the burn on his jaw they soon would.

“That’s none of your business,” he said, and shut himself in his room before there were any follow-up questions.

He called his mum first and they swapped news.  Mum’s work was going well, she’d made friends with the Chadra-Fan family in the apartment across the way- “Which is good because I keep accidentally making too much food for myself”- and the landlord finally showed up to fix the door screen.  He’d been genuinely embarrassed when Mum told him Hux had already fixed it weeks ago.

Once they finished laughing about it she asked.  “How are you my boy?” 

“I’m alright,” he said.  “…about half the kids here think I’m some kind of deranged murderer.”  It came out less amused than he meant it to.

“Are you encouraging this?” his mum asked.

Hux shrugged and looked away, thinking of the exchange he just had. “Only with people who already want it to be true.”

Mum nodded.  “What about the not stupid kids?  How are they?”

Hux shrugged again. “Fine,” he said. It’s not like he talked to any of them really. “They’re fine.”

* * *

Ben sensed Hux leave his room ten minutes before Lights Out.  He’s not stalking him or anything, really.  He just wanted to talk to Hux and hadn’t felt like knocking when he could feel Hux was working on something, some sort of puzzle?  Ben hadn’t wanted to interrupt. 

Should he interrupt now? Ben hesitated, Hux wasn’t shielding his thoughts at the moment.  He seemed… sad.  Just a little. 

He left his rooms, Ben reasoned.  If he wanted to be alone he could have stayed in. 

Hux was leaning back against the building right next to the side door.  His eyes are closed and he was feeling out the flow of the Force- like they did today in Group.  Actively feeling the Force like that Hux must have sensed Ben coming- but his thoughts didn’t cut off until Ben was out the door and stopped in front of him.

He’d thought Hux was deliberately shielding his thoughts, but now he was pretty sure Hux just did it unconsciously when he was nervous.

Hux opened his eyes.  They looked very dark in the dim light from the security lamp over the door.  “Can I help you?” Hux said.

“I can show you how to meditate.” Ben said. 

Hux blinked. “What?”

“If you want,” Ben said- and then realized he should start from the beginning.  “I don’t know if Uncle Luke told you, but he asked me to help train you in the basic stuff.”

“He said he had someone in mind but he didn’t say who,” Hux admitted.  “Do you still want to?” he asked. “Even though I lightsaber’d your face?”

Ben rubbed at the nearly healed mark on his jaw. “Yes.  That was actually what Uncle Luke wanted to talk to me about after Group today.  I know I was mad then, after, but it was as much my fault as it was yours. I let you hit me with that lightsaber when I was being cocky.  But I want to help you-if you want me too.”

Hux studied him. Intently.  Ben could feel his face getting redder and redder the longer it took for Hux to answer.

“Alright.” Hux said.

Ben grinned. “Alright!”

Hux’s lips quirked up, just the tiniest bit.

The Light’s Out chimes sounded.

“Tomorrow?” Ben asked hurriedly.  His uncle would be making his nightly rounds soon. “After lunch?”

“Alright.” Hux agreed.

They hurried back inside, walking side by side until Ben stopped at his door.

“Goodnight Hux.” Ben said as Hux passed.

“Goodnight Ben.”

* * *

“Where are we going?” Hux asked. 

“Somewhere where we’ll actually be alone,” Ben told him.  They were wading out through the grasslands behind the library.  “There’re meditation rooms in the main building,” he explained.  “But there’s usually people in them.  And there’s always people coming and going at the beaches.”

Hux huffed. “So we’re left with trekking out into the brush?”

Ben glanced over his shoulder at Hux.  Despite his tone he didn’t look angry. Just… curious?

“No one comes out this way,” Ben explained.

“I assume because of the waist high grass.”

Ben grinned. “Probably.  It’s the best place to be actually alone though, and since this is your first time meditating it’d be good to minimize distractions.  I think we’re far enough out,” he added.  “Now we just need to find a bald spot.”

They were only a few hundred yards from the school grounds, but once they found a spot and sat the tall grass hid the school from view.

Hux sat with his knees drawn up at first, before mirroring Ben’s crossed leg pose.

“So,” Ben explained.  “The goal of meditation is to clear your mind-“

“I can already tell I’m going to have problems with this,” Hux said.

Ben smiled.  “Well if it makes you feel better it won’t stay empty.  The Force is much easier to feel out without distractions.”

“Like we did in Group.”

“Yeah.  Although Uncle Luke tends to nudge people along in Group.  Once you start meditating properly you can explore things through your connection with the Force.”

“But first I have to clear my head,” Hux said.

Ben nodded.

“Any suggestions about how to make this empty-headedness happen?” Hux asked.

Ben repressed a smile, “So the general advice is to focus on your breathing without regulating it.”

“…I have already failed.” Hux said flatly.

Ben tried to hold in his laughter and only just succeeded.  “That’s never really worked for me either.  I usually try to focus on something else instead- like my heart or my skin.”

“Your skin?”

“Like how it feels.  Not what, just how- anyway.  Close your eyes and try it ok?”

Hux rolled his eyes but did it.

* * *

It was two hours later when Ben said, “I think we should take a break.”

Hux had only almost meditated. 

He groaned and collapsed back on the ground and pressed his hands to his eyes.

He kept losing his focus- or focusing too much he guessed.

“You’re so close.” Ben said.  Hux groaned at him.

“I think you should try some more later, when you’re alone.”  Ben mused, ignoring Hux’s despair.

It was sound advice, about half the time he’d gotten distracted from clearing his head by Ben doing or saying something.  If he was alone at least that wouldn’t happen.

The problem was that the other half of the time he’d start meditating- or he’d think he was starting- and then he’d get excited that he’d actually done it and lose the thread.

“Just… try not to care if it works?”  Ben suggested.

Hux huffed. “It’s actually really important that I learn this,” he drawled.  “But somehow I’m not supposed to worry that I can’t do it.  Did I get that right?”  He pulled his hands away from his face and looked at Ben.

Ben was grinning- about what Hux had no idea.  “Yep,” he said.  “You got it.”

“Oh well, that shouldn’t be a problem,” Hux said with the deepest sarcasm.

Ben snickered that time and leaned back on his hands, stretching his legs out in front of him.  “If it makes you feel better I’ve literally never seen anyone have this much trouble with meditating before.”

Hux glared at Ben.  “You’ve no idea how comforting someone works do you?”

Ben started laughing.  “Hey now don’t hold that against me.  You’re the one who can’t stop thinking."

“Thanks Solo,” Hux said.  “…Is it Solo or Organa?” he asked.  “Or Skywalker?”

Ben frowned.  “It’s not Skywalker- too bad.  It’s… complicated.”

“Oh no, you aren’t one of those poor bastards with the portmanteau family names are you?  Solorgana?”

“Urgh. No.  I’m both I guess. Usually people assume I’m a Solo but some of my mother’s friends introduce me as an Organa- I guess I’m whichever one carries the most weight with people- I think Solo is what’s actually on my birth record.”

“Organsolo?”

Ben snorted.  “They’re both pretty dumb.  My whole name is dumb. Ben.”  He rolled his eyes.

“Pfff…your name is fine.”  Hux waved a hand.

“It’s stupid-”

“It’ll grant it’s not the most original,” Hux interrupted.  “But it’s a fine name there’s nothing wrong with it.  You are talking,” he continued when Ben opened his mouth to argue. “To someone named Armitage.”

“But-“

“ _Armitage_.”

Ben laughed again.  “At least you have a good last name.”

“You’re only saying that because it’s got an X in it.”

Ben shook his head.  “No I like it.  It’s like lux-but with a HHHHUUUUU!”  He did his very best impression of someone vomiting.

Hux laughed, loud and bright and a bit startled.  He couldn’t really remember the last time he’d laughed spontaneously like that. 

Ben was watching him- but while he was used to being sized up by classmates this was different.  Ben was just... happy, and Hux reminded himself again that he could do that too.

“I’m starving,” Hux admitted.  “How long until dinner?” 

“Ah!”  Ben said.  “You are in luck.  There _are_ designated meal times- dinner's not for like, two hours- but the cafeteria is open allllll daaaay.”

* * *

Hux was in the library, trying to get through an incredibly dry holo about the fall of the Empire and not having much luck.

_Without a unifying democratic body to counter_ …he’d read this paragraph already.

He pointedly scrolled up until the offending paragraph was off the screen and tried to find his place.

“No that’s still not right,” someone groaned.

At the table next to him the Twi’lek girls he’d learned were twins both groan.

Not too loudly though.  They were both being very considerate to everyone else in the library despite their palpable frustration.

Hux tried to focus again on the text he’d found. But-

The purple Twi’lek put her head down on the table.  “We don’t need to finish school right?  Can’t we just mind-trick everyone into thinking we’re smart?”

But they’d been stuck on this one math problem for nearly half an hour.

The teal Twi’lek shook her head. “That’s not how the Force works.”

“Can I see?” Hux asked.

Both girls froze and then slowly turned to look at him.  They glanced at each other before the teal one spoke.

“We don’t want to interrupt your studying,” she said.

Hux set his datapad down.  “I’m not studying,” he said.  “And I actually like math.”

The girls’ smirks were identical.  The teal girl looked at her sister and stage-whispered “He is obviously a dangerous madman.”

“Yes.”  The purple one faux-whispered back.  “But Pav, he wants to teach us math.  I say we risk it.”

Hux fought to keep a straight face.

“You’re … Hux. Right?” the purple girl asked. Hux nodded.  “I’m Tava,” she said.

“And I’m Pava.” Her sister echoed.  Then she slid the pad they’d been working on his way.  “And this is the math.”

Hux joined them at their table and looked over the problem.

“You’re close,” he said when he saw their error. “But look here.”  He held the pad out and pointed.  “You lost _f_.  It’s in this equation, but in the next one where you plugged in the variables you knew it vanishes.”

The twins took the pad back and tried again to work the equation out one more time.  When they reached the right answer this time both of them collapsed back in their seats in relief.

“Finally.” Tava groaned.

“Do you need help with anything else?” Hux asked.  The twins shared a look.

“We don’t want to interrupt.” They said in unison.

“I’m not doing anything important.” Hux explained.  “I wouldn’t ask if I was.  You don’t have to agree if you don’t want my help-“

“No!” Tava shouted.  There were a chorus of shushes from around the library and Pava clamped a hand over her sister’s mouth.

“What Tava means is we would like help, but we don’t want you to feel obligated to ask- and even if you aren’t studying you usually seem pretty busy.  You’re always doing something on your datapad.” Pava said.

“That’s not- I’m done with school- I design things for fun in my free time.  Buildings, Vehicles…”  Weapons. “I’d be willing to tutor you if you wanted.”

Tava pried Pava’s hand off her mouth.  “Do you understand what quadratic equations even are?” she asked.

Hux smiled. “Yes.”

Both girls grinned. “Alright then,” they chorused.

* * *

_~Ben?_ ~ The touch of the other mind was feather-soft, hesitant, like they were not expecting Ben to actually be there.

Ben jerked away in surprise- but came back almost immediately.  The other presence was faint and weirdly muffled but it had felt like… 

“Hux?”

_~Oh.  That is you.~_   That _was_ Hux.

“Why can’t I see you?”  Ben asked. “Are you sleeping?”  He’d run across Hux’s dreams before.  They also feel muffled like this, but they were never aware of him.

_~No.~_   The Hux-feeling said.  ~ _I couldn’t sleep so I tried meditating.~_

“Ohhh.”

_~‘Ohhh’ what?~_

“When you started meditating was it like you were standing above yourself?”

_~Yes.~_

“And what’d you do then?”

_~I left.  I went down the hall and when I passed your room I...~_

“Thought you’d spy on me?” Ben smirked.

He got no answer to that beyond a vague feeling of embarrassment. 

“Where are you now?” he asked.

Hux didn’t answer right away.  ~ _I don’t know.~_

Ben grinned.  “Try to get back to the place where you’re standing above everything.  I’m further away than I seem.”  He looked at the starfield all around him, “I’ll be there soon.”

He’s walking again before he finished speaking.  Although of course he wasn’t actually walking anywhere.  He ate up lightyears in a step, heading back to his body.

When he arrived back in his room- still meditating, still standing somewhere above himself looking down.  Hux was nowhere to be seen.  Ben wasn’t worried though, he could feel Hux was close- very close.

“Come up here,” he called. When nothing happened Ben grinned, and then reached within himself for the slender tether keeping his mind moored to his body.  When he found it he tried again, this time sending the thought down that line to his physical body. 

Hux’s focus shifting was almost a physical sensation somewhere in Ben’s chest.  Then both Ben’s physical body and his mental projection gasped, as Hux found the cord connecting Ben’s body and mind and started following that up.

He should be panicking-probably.  Hux was doing something far more dangerous than he realized.  But Ben wasn’t panicking.  He’s not even upset really.  Hux didn’t know he shouldn’t be doing this- and the feeling was intimate yes, but not invasive, not bad.  It felt, in fact, like Hux was just running his fingers along the cord to keep track of it.  When Hux’s mental projection faded into view that was exactly what he was doing.  His hand curved around Ben’s silvery lifeline, just barely touching it.  He dropped it when he saw Ben, the line disappearing from sight as he did.

“Alright,” Hux said, crossing his arms.  “I know I did something stupid.  What was it?”

Ben grinned. “Not stupid.  Just not very useful right now.”

Hux raised an eyebrow and waited.  Ben knew he was grinning like an idiot- he probably looked ridiculous right now but he didn’t care.  “You’re doing a good job meditating.”

“This is meditating?”  Hux asked looking around.  “I thought it would be different.”

Ben shook his head. “Meditating is sort of… letting your mind go exploring without the rest of you.  Exploring your immediate physical environment is just one of the things you can do while meditating.  It’s the easiest actually- but you should get good at it before you try other things.”

Hux nodded. “So what happened when I found you?”

“What were you trying to do?”  Ben asked.

Hux blushed- which made Ben wonder if their mental projections respond to other physical stimuli.  That was a thought for another time though. 

Hux avoided his eyes as he answered. “I-I wanted to see if I could meditate the same place you were- like this I guess, but that’s not what happened.”

Ben nodded.  “You can- meditate together that is- you just have to plan it out before- or get really lucky.  I wasn’t here when you got here or you would have sensed me like you can now.”

“So what happened?”  Hux was starting to sound exasperated.

Ben bounced on his heels a bit.  “You read my mind.  Not like the surface stuff you just hear- you got like, all the way in!”

Hux frowned, “That sounds invasive.  And your head was really empty.” 

Ben laughed- and Hux relaxed minutely.  “That’s because I wasn’t there.  Normally it’s a lot harder.  I could show you,” he said before he could think better of it.  “I’m really good at it- but it’s not really Jedi-y,” he finished hesitantly.

Hux nodded slowly, like he was carefully considering everything Ben had said and implied.  He probably was.  Hux was like that.  “I think I’d like to know more,” he said.  “Even if it’s not… ‘Jedi-y’.” He winkled his nose and added “I can’t believe you made me say that.”

“I didn’t make you do anything.” Ben said, relaxing again. He knew his stupid grin was back.

“So once I was in your empty head you could… feel me?”  Hux asked.

Ben nodded.  “Yeah, you’re still connected to your body you know.  You just aren’t in it.”

Hux hummed thoughtfully. “Was that what that thread was? Your connection?”

“Yeah,” Ben said. “By the way- I don’t think it’ll come up again but if it ever does you probably shouldn’t mess around with those type of threads.”

“Why?” Hux asked.

“It’s pretty dangerous.  If you’d yanked on it or something you might have killed me.” 

Hux stared at him in horror.  “WHAT?!”

Ben stepped forward immediately to reassure him.  At the last minute he turned the hug he’d been going in for into a shoulder grip instead, “It’s fine.  I’m fine.” 

“I almost killed you!”

“But you didn’t.” Ben said.  “And I really don’t think it’ll ever come up again.”

“Why?”

“You can’t see my cord anymore right?” He stepped back and held his arms out.  Hux eyed him thoroughly.

“No.” he admitted.

“And I can’t see yours.  They normally aren’t visible.  I think the only reason you found mine is because I tried to talk to you through it.”

Hux still looked concerned. 

“It didn’t even hurt,” Ben promised.  “When you touched it then.”

Hux sighed. “Fine… What were you doing before I wandered into your head?”

Ben shrugged, “Just seeing how far I could go.  I’d already seen if I could find all my family.”

“So you have a radius?” Hux asked.

Ben nodded. “You can only wander like this in a specific area- it starts to not feel great if you go too far.  You can feel out farther than that but if you don’t know what you’re looking for it’s pretty overwhelming.  The galaxy is really big.”

Hux snorted and smiled. “Do tell,” he said.

Ben could feel his cheeks flushing but smiled anyway.  “You wanna see how far you can go?”  He asked, holding out a hand.

Hux took his hand. “Sure.”

They made it off of the school grounds and about halfway down the path to the beach before Hux stopped and pressed his hand to his chest.

“That does feel bad,” Hux said.  He took another small step forward.  “Like I’m being stretched out.”

Ben tugged him back.  “Don’t push too far.  You’ll hurt yourself.  Your range will increase if you just practice using the Force.”

“Alright,” Hux said.  “I think- I think I’m done for tonight.”

Ben was disappointed- but he understood.  Hux was new to all this, he was still tests his own limits.  “Ok.”

Hux touched his arm.  “Thank you,” he said.  “For explaining all this to me.  I know it’s probably all baby stuff to you.”

“No,” Ben said.  “It’s fine.  I like helping.”  _You.  I like helping you._

Hux smiled at him.  “See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.” Ben sighed.

Hux shut his eyes and faded out.  Ben stood there alone for a minute before deciding he was done for the night too.

Ben blinked back to himself in his room, sitting on his bed.  He groaned. He was even more keyed up now than he was when he’d started meditating. 

Ben stood and started pacing, trying to ignore that he’s half hard.

He tried to distract himself.  What would they have for breakfast tomorrow?  Would he and Hux be able to actually practice on their own?  Maybe if they snuck away again.

Hux had come looking for him when he stared meditating.  Ben stopped pacing and tried desperately to clear his mind. 

Hux had smiled twice tonight and almost laughed once.  Ben remembered that stupid little laugh-snort.

Groaning Ben flung himself face down on his bed.  He briefly tried to suffocate himself with the pillow.  His growing erection bumped unhelpfully against the mattress.

Hux’s eyes soft with gratitude and looking him over with concern. 

Ben abandoned his efforts to will the problem away and slipped a hand into his pants.

The warmth of Hux’s hand in his.  Ben imagined that hand trailing over him- touching him-everywhere. 

Hux gently caressing the thread of his very soul all unknowingly.

Ben came with a gasp. 

Once the high wore off he attempted to smother himself again, what was wrong with him? He’d just jerked off while thinking about some kid he’d just met.  It didn’t mean anything, he told himself.  He was a teenager right?  Everything turned him on.  And Hux was nice to look at, and not terrible to talk to.  It didn’t _mean_ anything.

Eventually Ben drifted off into an uneasy sleep.

* * *

Hux came back to himself feeling exhausted but pleased.  That had gone well, he thought.  He relaxed back onto his bed yawning. 

Ben had looked so happy, he thought.  So eager to explain things.

Hux smiled as he drifted off to sleep.

He dreamt that night of sitting with Ben on the edge of the sea cliffs.  The sea crashed against the rocks below.

Ben’s chest was split open- his sternum was gone and his ribs were pushed back to make room for Hux’s hands.  He was cupping Ben’s still beating heart in his hands.

“Oh.” Hux said when he realized exactly what was happening. 

Ben laughed at him.  He didn’t seem to be suffering any ill effects from having his chest ripped open and Hux manhandling his organs.  In fact he was smiling.  He reached out and pressed his hand to Hux’s chest, which gave way-

Hux started awake.  His eyes tracked wildly around the room, looking for what woke him.

Nothing.  Hux relaxed, the dream he’d been having slipped away and in a moment he fell back asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awwww. Hux made friends!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey's in this chapter! But so is Snoke, soooo...
> 
> Content Warning: Snoke is super creepy. I'm sorry.

Ben had only been to the shooting range a handful of times, he’d never had much interest in blasters.  But Hux had wanted to see it, so they met up after lunch that day and headed out. The shooting range was over the hill behind the gym and practice fields, out of sight of the school.

When he was ten his parents had taken him on a rare family trip.  They’d spent a few weeks on Yavin IV living in a small cottage.  He’d first met Poe Dameron on that trip- but Dad had also taken him to the old abandoned Rebel Base and taught him to shoot. (Later Mom had pulled him aside and corrected his grip, admonishing him that two hands were always better than one.)

 He wasn’t a bad shot- the Force probably helped with that- but he’d never spent much time developing that particular skill. Why bother when you had a lightsaber and could throw people across the room?

It was immediately obvious that Hux didn’t feel the same way.  He nearly cooed over the selection of weapons available before picking out a massive, long ranged rifle that was nearly as tall as him.

“I’ve had sniper training.” Hux told the battered droid that ran the range when it questioned his choice.  There was something a touch angry and defensive in Hux’s tone and Ben was glad he’d kept his own questions to himself.

Hux spent a long time looking through the range settings and options before selecting a set up for his lane.  Ben slid into the lane next to him, but did bother picking out a blaster.

“Aren’t you going to shoot?” Hux asked. 

Ben shook his head.  “Maybe later,” he said.  “I want to see what you can do with that.”  He nodded at the rifle Hux had picked. “I’ve never had any sniper training.”

“It’ll probably be boring.” Hux warned as he got in position.

 “That’s fine.”

Ben was by no means an expert, but he thought Hux was good.  He knew the basics of sniping- you sat somewhere and methodically picked your targets off.  It favored precision over speed but Hux went through the routine he’d picked for himself at what Ben suspected was an unusually fast rate.

He ambled over when Hux was out of bolts so he could look over Hux’s shoulder at his score.

Ben whistled.  “You’re really good at that.” he said.

Hux blushed just a bit and looked down.  “I’m pretty rusty actually.”

“Looked fine to me.”

Hux made a face.  “I’m usually better.  I haven’t practiced in forever.”

“Well I have no idea how to do all that crazy long range stuff but how about we have a shoot-off with something smaller?” Ben said.

Hux’s lips quirked, “Alright.”

Hux was just as proficient with a blaster and Ben wasn’t even surprised when Hux beat him soundly at the little contest he’d proposed.

“You like shooting don’t you?” Ben asked as they put their blasters away.  Hux’s Force presence had been settled and calm since he’d picked up the rifle.

Hux looked down before answering. “…Yes.  I’ve always found it relaxing- that’s probably weird huh?”

Ben shrugged.  “Maybe a little, but you weren’t raised right so I won’t hold it against you.”  He flung an arm across Hux’s shoulders. 

Hux winced. “No it’s fine,” he said quickly, when Ben pulled away.

“Are you alright?” Ben said, still hesitant to put his arm back.

Hux grimaced, but nodded. “It’s just… people here touch each other more than I’m used to.”

“…People never touch each other in the First Order?” Ben asked incredulously.

“Not casually,” Hux said.  “Not in the military anyway.”

“That’s weird.” Ben said.  He laid his arm back across Hux’s shoulders- this time Hux’s shoulders just went tight before slowly relaxing again. “You really _weren’t_ raised right,” he added.

“Or you weren’t.”

“Hey! Hugs are awesome!”

“If you say so.”

* * *

Hux had no idea when Ben had joined him in the library.  He’d gone there after breakfast to do some reading and hadn’t noticed Ben sitting across from him until nearly an hour later when he set aside his datapad for a minute to stretch. 

Ben didn’t say anything to him, or even look up from his own reading.  So Hux let it be.  It was nice actually, to just sit with someone without any expectations of conversation.

“Boo!” 

Hux jumped.  The ‘boo’ wasn’t directed at him though.  A small girl with her long brown hair done up in a complicated braid had jumped on Ben’s back.

Ben didn’t look surprised at all.  He was smiling- grinning really- as he reached back and grabbed the little girl.  He hauled her around and into his lap.

“Hey ReyBeyBee.”  Ben said.  “When did you get here?”

“Right now!” the little girl said. Rey maybe? Ben had said the nickname strangely, like the cadence of the words matter greatly.  “Everyone else is unpacking but I came to see you!”

The little girl flung her arms around Ben’s neck and Ben hugged her back.

“I missed you,” she said.

“Missed you too ReyBeyBee.”

Ben noticed him looking then, and scowled at him.  Hux raised his eyebrows, he wasn’t doing anything.

“What are you looking at?” Rey asked Ben.  She arched her back ridiculously and regarded Hux upside down for a moment. “Oh!”

She turned around. “Hi!  I’m Rey!”

“Hux,” he said.  Rey looked confused for a moment.

“That’s his name.”  Ben explained.

Rey looked back at Ben.  “Huk-uhss,” she said.

“Close enough.”  Ben said before Hux could correct her.  “You’d better go unpack. I’ll be right there to help ok?"

Rey nodded as Ben set her on the ground. “Ok.”  She darted for the door.  She turned around and waved at the both of them just before she vanished around the corner.

“She’s my little sister.” Ben said, frowning at him.  “Be nice.”

“I’ll be however I want to be,” Hux said.  He didn’t mean it like that though.  He might be a jerk but there was no reason to be mean to an actual toddler.  “You have a sister?”

“She’s a lot younger than me.”

“So I gathered.”

Ben rolled his eyes at Hux and abandoned him to go follow his sister.

* * *

The doubling of the student body had very little effect on Hux directly.  He saw less of Luke, but he’d only had one individual meeting with Skywalker anyway, to check in on his progress and confirm Hux was fine with continuing to train with Ben.

The twins told him that most of the older kids-including themselves-used this time to focus more on their school work.  Hux was done with school though, so he found his abundance of spare time split fairly evenly between helping the twins study, his own academic pursuits, and Ben’s Force training.

Not that Ben bothered to actually schedule sessions with him.  Instead he’d just show up whenever he felt like it and either drag Hux away from his reading or hover and make disgruntled noises while Hux worked with the twins.  Like he was doing now.

“Just go,” Pava said. “We’ll be fine.”

“Better.” Tava grumbled, “He’s distracting anyway.”

Hux shook his head.  “Hold on, I’ll be right back.”

He’d gotten a package from his mother earlier in the day, it was still in his bag.  Which made the BANG as he dropped his bag in front of Ben much more satisfying.  The other boy actually jumped and scowled up at Hux.

“Are you done?” Ben asked.

“In twenty minutes.” Hux said as he pulled up the program he wanted on his datapad.  “I suggest you use the time to familiarize yourself with this.” He held the pad out.

Ben took it hesitantly.  “What’s this?”

“My schedule,” Hux said.  “I tutor the twins three days a week for two hours each session.  It’s always the same days.  You shouldn’t have that much trouble working it out.”

“You could just stop tutoring them.” Ben pointed out.  He was pouting at Hux’s datapad.

“No.” Hux said, and left before Ben could say anything else.

When Hux said goodbye to the girls twenty minutes later Ben was gone.  Hux’s datapad was switched off and laid carefully on top of his bag.  When Hux powered it on he saw Ben had added an appointment on his calendar for an hour from now. ‘Your Room’ the location said. 

Hux sighed.  Well, he had wanted Ben to be mindful of his schedule.

As he slid his pad into his bag he realized the sticker he’d had on the corner of the flap was gone.  The sticker usually covered the really obvious spot where he and his Mum had ripped off the embossed First Order logo. A quick search revealed the two halves of the sticker stuck to the bottom of the table.  Hux shut his eyes and took a deep breath.  Then he scooped up his bag awkwardly and held it to his chest, hiding the stickerless spot.  He’d carry it like that to his room, put a new sticker on it, and then try to get ready for whatever Ben was planning.

* * *

Hux looked at him like he was something nasty on the bottom of his shoe when Ben showed up for their scheduled meeting, and Ben couldn’t read anything off him.  But he stepped out of the doorway and gestured for Ben to come in, so he couldn’t be that pissed. 

Hux’s room was…boring.  Ben’s room had some posters and bits of old model kits in various stages of completion and a bunch of other random stuff- like cool shells or rocks from the beach- just around. Hux’s room was empty. His bed was made with military precision and the shelves were bare.  The only signs that anyone lived there at all besides Hux himself were the shoes lined up neatly by the door, Hux’s datapad laying on his bed, and his bag which was on his otherwise empty desk.

“I love what you’ve done with the place,” Ben said.

There’s a sudden roil of emotion from behind him.  Equal parts defensive and embarrassed.  “You remember I’m a refugee right?  I didn’t actually get to pack a bag before I left.”

Oh. Right.  Ben struggled to come up with a response for that.

After five seconds of the most awkward silence ever Hux rescued him.

“What are you here for Ben? Besides belittling my interior decorating?”

“You said you wanted to learn more about mind reading,” Ben said. “So I thought we’d do that.”

 “Mind reading,” Hux echoed.

“Yeah.”  Ben cleared his throat.  “So do you sometimes get impressions or feelings from people?” 

Hux nodded.

“Good. Ok. Umm…have you noticed some people are ‘louder’ than others?” Ben asked.

Hux frowned, thinking.  “Yes,” he said.  “The girl who sleeps in the room next to me- what’s her name?  Jysa?  She thinks loudly.”

“She does.”  Ben agreed, “You do too.”

Hux’s mental projections cut off immediately.

“Usually,” Ben continued. “You think quieter when you’re tense.  I thought you must have had some training already when I first met you, because most people need to learn how to do that.  Like right now, I’m not getting anything from you.”

 “I’m not doing it on purpose,” Hux said.  His brows furrowed and he looked down thoughtfully.  Ben had no idea what Hux was thinking- except suddenly he did.  Hux was back and Ben sensed he was trying to get a handle on consciously making the switch.

“Now you’re there,” he said.

Hux fiddled with his internal volume a while longer, and Ben told him when he could and couldn’t hear him.

Finally Hux was satisfied with that he had worked out.  His thoughts when they came back and stayed were pleased.

“But that’s not mind reading is it?”  Hux asked.

“No.” Ben said.  “All that was passive- I wasn’t trying to sense anything.  Mind reading is like that- but you have to kind of push and you get deeper than surface thoughts and feelings.  I… could show you?  Maybe?”

Hux was equal parts curious and uncertain. “How?”

“If you go quiet again I could read your mind just enough to hear your surface thoughts again.  Then you could feel what it’s like.”

Hux considered this and nodded. “Alright.  Should we sit or…?”

“Yeah.”  Ben said. “Um…”

Hux sits on his bed before Ben has to ask. “Shoes off,” he said.  Ben ditched his shoes and joined Hux on his bed, sitting cross-legged facing each other.

“Right,” Ben said.  “So you go quiet again and I’ll listen in.”

“Should I close my eyes or something?” Hux asked.

“You don’t need to,” Ben said. “But you can if you want.”

Ben closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly started feeling out the edges of Hux’s mind.  Hux’s mind was difficult to breach though- he had… layers, not particularly hard layers but there were a lot of them, all shifting about independently.  He had to be careful not to push too hard or go too deep.  Ben felt like he was digging through a pile of living bed sheets.  He resorted to bringing a hand up to help him focus.  It helped a little but Ben was starting to worry he had gone too far.  Maybe he sho _uld ask if holding your hand up like that actually helps._

The resistance from Hux ended abruptly dumping Ben into Hux’s surface thought without warning.  Hux was wary that this would hurt, or that Ben would see something Hux didn’t want him to- but he was also curious. How did this work?  Could he do it?  Ben’s hand was nearly touching his face, Hux noted and Ben couldn’t quite sense the emotions attached to that thought-

Hux noticed him then, and the sense of discomfort was immediate.  Ben’s not hurting him, but he didn’t like the feeling of having his thoughts intruded upon.  Not the least of it was that he wasn’t sure when Ben started doing it.

 _~I just got here.~_   Ben promised, showing Hux the echo of the first thought he’d heard along with the knowledge that yes, it did actually help to hold a hand out like that. 

Hux was fascinated, but the discomfort was growing stronger so he tried to kind of… nudge Ben away.  Ben went willingly, catching just the edge of a memory about Ben’s mom doing something similar as he left.

His hand was indeed almost touching Hux’s face, and Ben quickly dropped it.  Ben cleared his throat and looked away.  Hux’d put a new sticker on his bag- this one was for a brand of tea Ben had never heard of. 

“Sorry about your sticker. I wanted to see what was under it and…”

Hux sighed. “And you didn’t think to check the underside of the flap or I don’t know, ask me?”

“You were busy,” Ben said. “And mad at me.”

“A little.” Hux agreed.

“Why do you even have that bag still?” Ben asked. “You could just get a new one.”

Hux frowned, and cocked his head.  “Ben that bag is really nice.  Do you know how much bags that nice cost?”

“No.” Ben admitted.

“Stickers are much cheaper.” Hux assured him.

* * *

The tree was a massive thing with huge frilly green leaves.  Its trunk was so thick you couldn’t get your arms halfway around the trunk.  It dominated the gap between the library and the gym.  There’s another tree on campus- but this was the one everyone means when people say ‘the tree.’  He’d told Hux they’d meet up here after he was done tutoring, so Ben leaned against the tree and waited.

_~For what child? ~_

Ben tensed, Snoke was finally back. He didn’t quite ask where Snoke had been, but he knew his curiosity came across their link.  Snoke sent him the knowledge that he’d been working on something very tricky and detailed that had only now worked itself out.

 _~I’m waiting for Hux.~_ Ben told him.

There was a weird feeling from Snoke then, Ben usually couldn’t read much from Snoke but for just a moment Snoke seemed surprised.

_~Hux.~_

_~He’s new. ~_   Ben explained.  _~He and his mom are refugees from the First Order.  Uncle Luke asked me to help him learn the basics though- because he’s my age. ~_

 _~At least he’s acknowledging your skills,~_ Snoke said. _~Though he’s saddled you with some late bloomer. ~_

Ben shook his head, _~Hux is good.~_   He showed Snoke his memories of Hux during their saber training, their meditation lessons, and the night he’d wandered into Ben’s head while Ben was away.

Snoke was particularly interested in that last memory.  He watched it intently, and kept watching past the point Hux left.  Ben tugged the memory away before things got too awkward, but he knew Snoke noticed the state he was in when he ended that meditation session.

Across the grounds the library doors opened.  The Twi’lek twins and Hux came out, walking in a tight little group towards the dorms.  In the setting sunlight Hux’s hair looked even brighter than usual- all fiery oranges and reds.

 _~You want him. ~_ Snoke murmured.  Ben felt himself blushing.  

_~I- It's not- yeah, ~_ he thought. The thought felt like a whisper even to him, like he was afraid of thinking it too loudly.

Hux had caught sight of him and broke away from the Twi’lek girls.

 _~I suppose you are in the best position to gain his favor then. ~_ Snoke hissed.  _~ Though you are more than powerful enough to... hasten things. ~_

He probably could, Ben thought.  And then immediately felt bad for thinking that.   His stomach twisted. “No.” he said aloud.

“What?” Hux asked as he joined Ben under the tree.

Ben shook his head.  Snoke had retreated a little, though he didn’t leave.  “Nothing- just thinking out loud.”

Hux raised an eyebrow and his lips quirked.  “I want you to know I am withholding some scathing commentary.”

Ben rolled his eyes.  “Come on,” he said, stepping away from the tree.  “We’re going down by the beach.”

Hux fell into step beside him.  “And then?”

“And then we’re going to practice manipulating physical objects with the Force.” Ben said.

“Lifting rocks." Hux hummed. "I can’t wait.”

* * *

Ben had dragged him down to the closest beach and settled them down back away from the waves.  He’d set a small stone down between them in the sand and told Hux to ‘move the rock.' 

That was nearly 20 minutes ago.

Hux stared at the unmoving rock. “Well this is going swell.”

Ben stifled a laugh. “Don’t think of it as you moving the rock,” he said.

Hux just looked at him.  “That is actually what you just told me to do.”

Ben grinned. “But sometimes it’s easier to think of it as you telling the Force to move the rock.”

“ _Semantics_.” Hux said.  But as he focused on the rock again he found it was easier to think of it like that. He wasn’t moving the rock (scientifically impossible his mind insisted still) he was telling the Force to move the rock.  And there was plenty of evidence that wielded properly the Force could do bizarre highly improbable things.  He imagined the Force reaching out and pushing the rock…

The rock trembled, and then oh so slowly slid about an inch across the sand- leaving a shallow groove behind it.

“You did it!” Ben sounded ridiculously excited.  Hux looked up at him.  Ben was grinning and nearly vibrating in place.

“I nudged the rock.” Hux deadpanned.

Ben waved a hand dismissively.  “It’s like dancing,” he said.  “First you learn the steps and after that it’s all just practicing until it gets easy.”

Hux nodded, that made sense- and then the urge to tease Ben reared its head again.  This time he did not resist.

“Dancing?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.  It actually made sense.  Ben’s mother was a Senator and Princess- surely dancing must happen at the kinds of decadent gatherings his family attended.  Ben blushed immediately.  It was difficult to reconcile this gangly boy in plain clothes with what he knew of his family.

“You’re multi-talented,” he said.  He’d been aiming for sarcastic but his tone came out a little too warm for that.  Ben, impossibly, got redder.  He looked away-out over the ocean.

There was a long moment of silence during which Hux abruptly recalled what ‘dancing’ had been slang for at the Academy- maybe that was a universal thing.  Ben was blushing an awful lot and now Hux could feel the blush creeping up his cheeks too. 

Ben shook his head hard and turned back to Hux- eyeing him with a frown.

Hux couldn’t decide if he should try to look innocent or sorry and so he had no idea what his face looked like as it tried to do both at once.  It must look pretty dumb because Ben snorted and the tension of the last minute bled away.  “Of course I can dance.  I was raised right.” He gestured at the rock, “Try again.”

* * *

_~Hux.~_ Ben nudged Hux’s mind gently. 

Hux’s head tilted just the barest bit towards him.  _~I’m trying to listen.~_

_~Here, I’ll summarize it ‘And then I didn’t listen to Yoda and took my lightsaber in anyway and had a trippy Force vision about me being Darth Vader.’~_

Hux’s amusement rippled through them both and Ben could see the corner of his mouth twitch up.  _~What’s the moral of this riveting story?~_

_~Fuck if I know.~_

Ben got an almost profile view of Hux biting his lip.

 _~‘Don’t go places that give you trippy Force hallucinations?’~_ Hux suggested.

 _~It’s probably ‘If a 900 year old Jedi Master tells you not to do something don’t do it.’~_ Ben said.

 _~Mmm.~_ Hux hummed in Ben’s head.  _~Maybe.~_

Ben and Hux spent the rest of Group planning their next trip down to the beach.  Ben had some lighter stuff he wanted Hux to practice moving, and Hux wanted to work on mental shielding more.

 _~We can do that too. ~_ Ben promised as Uncle Luke wrapped up his story.  The moral was apparently that the Dark Side is dangerous and corrupting and to be avoided at all costs.

 _~Ours were better. ~_ Hux told him.  Ben agreed.

They left together as soon as they were dismissed.  Ben caught the Twi’lek girls Hux tutored pouting at them but ignored them.  Then they stopped by the dorms so Hux could drop off his bag and Ben could grab the stuff he wanted.

“Here.” Ben said as they left the dorms.  He floated the soft foam ball over to hover in front of Hux’s face.  It’s supposed to be a model of Corellia- the blue and green blobs on it depicting actual landmasses.  Ben had gotten it years ago at one of his Dad's races. He used to practice moving it around with the Force but he hadn't needed to use it in forever.

Hux plucked the ball out of the air. He squeezed it and looked at Ben, “What’s this?”

“Corellia,” Ben said. “Keep it. It’s good to practice with.”

Hux stared at the little ball, before carefully tucking it in his pocket. “I…thanks.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's try this two updates a week thing and see how it goes.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't think anyone's asked about the title of this fic, but it's from the song 'Ghost' by Mystery Skulls. It's only vaguely related to the story but I listened to it on repeat a lot when I was writing this fic.

The library had a number of reading rooms and quiet corners.  Hux was currently curled up in a large armchair in one of them, reading one of the school’s pre-loaded datapads. His was in his bag, on the floor by his feet. 

“Why are you always reading history books?” Pava asked.  She perched on the chair to his left leaning forward with her elbows on the table separating them.

“Yeah Mr. Engineer,” Tava said, appearing on the sofa on his other side.  “Shouldn’t you be reading ‘Building With Ice: The Coolest Building Material’ or something?”

Hux laughed.  “I would actually read that ice book if it was real.  But I’m reading history because I’m… trying to un-indoctrinate myself.”

“What do you mean?” Pava asked.

“The anniversary of the Battle of Endor is coming up next week right?” Hux said.  “And then the anniversary of the Galactic Concordance a few days later.  Apparently it’s a big deal?  We’re getting a whole week off anyway. Liberty Week.”

Pava and Tava both stared at him.  Then they traded looks, their lekku twitching behind them.

“Do they…observe Liberty Week in the First Order?” Pava asked.

“Oh yes.” Hux smirked as he set the pad in his lap. “Well, it’s not called ‘Liberty Week’ obviously. The anniversary of the Defeat at Endor is a quiet day of reflection- usually there’s a speech or two, followed by a silent memorial ceremony honoring the brave soldiers who lost their lives in the destruction of the Death Star.  The Signing of the Galactic Concordance is treated similarly.”

Both girls pulled a face.

“Some people fast the days in between.” Hux added. “Though my father always said that was foolish and sentimental.”

“…Last year our uncle made a hollowed out gourd that looked like a Death Star that we stuffed with fireworks and blew up.” Tava said.

Hux laughed.  “That sounds like much more fun… I’m trying to work out what happened without any bias- but I decided reading the Republic’s view on things would be a good starting place.”

Pava frowned. “Hux the Republic’s accounts aren’t biased-“

“All historical accounts are biased.” Hux said.  “Everyone interacts with history through the lens of their own beliefs and understanding.  And the Republic produces just as much propaganda as the First Order does. Although arguably with less intent.”

He could tell the twins were reluctant to agree with him.  His description of history at least.  Tava sighed exaggeratedly. “So cynical.”

Hux suppressed his smile. “Ben said it’s because I wasn’t raised right.”

“ _He’s_ one to talk.” The girls said at once.

“Didn’t you already pass a history test?” Tava asked.

Hux nodded. “Yes, but all the dates were the same and I just swapped all the ‘crushing defeats’ with ‘decisive victories.’  It was enough to pass.”

Just then Rey appeared in the doorway.  She pointed at Hux and said “HA!” victoriously before disappearing again.

“I’ve been spotted by a wandering Solo,” Hux sighed.

“What did she want?” Pava asked.

Hux waved a hand, “Ben probably recruited her to help find me.  Which I think is cheating, but what do _I_ know?” He rolled his eyes.

“Cheating?” the twins asked.

“We’re practicing mental shielding,” Hux explained. “And circumventing it.  So one of us ‘hides’ and the other tries to find us using the Force.  Or their little sister if they’re _cheating_.” He added as Ben appeared in the doorway. 

Ben pouted, “Weren’t you chattering about ‘proper allocation of resources is essential in combat’ earlier?  I’m being resourceful.”

“Except this isn’t combat,” Tava said.

“And your little sister is not a resource.” Pava added.

Ben shrugged.  “She doesn’t mind.”

“Whatever,” both girls said at once.  They turned back to Hux.

“We actually came to say goodbye,” Tava said.  “We’re leaving tonight.  In like an hour actually.”

They wanted a hug, Hux could almost feel it, but he still can’t quite get rid of the reticence he’s been taught since childhood.  Instead he reached out and laid a hand over both twins’ hands.  Both girls quickly grab his hands, linking the three of them together in a chain.

“Goodbye,” Hux said. “Make sure you send me holos of any exploding gourds you see this year.”

The twins laughed.  From over by the door Ben said “ _What_?” but Hux ignored him for now.

“We will,” Tava promised. “We’ll message you ok?  Everyday.”

“We wouldn’t want you to miss us,” Pava added.

Hux nodded solemnly.  The twins let go of his hands and left, brushing past Ben as they exited the room.  Ben was pouting.  So Hux set the datapad he’d been reading aside and waited for Ben to tell him what was on his mind.

“How come you gave them your messaging info but not me?” he asked.

Hux blinked. “You don’t have a datapad,” he said.

“I do!” Ben protested.  He stomped across the room and dropped down on the sofa nearest Hux. “Mom just doesn’t let me bring it to school.”

Hux rolled his eyes, but reached over to fish his personal datapad out of his bag. “Because?”

Ben’s frown deepened. “What?”

“Why aren’t you allowed to bring your pad to school?”  Hux asked as he input his security code.

Ben blushed dramatically. “I… might have been letting it distract me from my studies.”

“Were you constantly playing hologames or something?” Hux asked.

Ben curled up on himself and, amazingly, blushed deeper.

Hux laughed.  He saw Ben’s brow furrow in response, but he held out his datapad before Ben could work himself up too much.

Ben stared at Hux’s datapad blankly.

Hux nudged Ben’s arm with it. “Input your contact info, Solo.  Unless you _don’t_ want to talk to me over break.”

Ben grabbed the pad and started typing immediately. 

“You’ll really message me?” he asked when he handed the datapad back.

Hux smirked and fiddled with his pad for a minute, making sure to hold it so Ben couldn’t see the screen.  “I just did,” he said.

“What did you say?” Ben demanded.  He craned his head to try to see Hux’s datapad.

“You’ll have to wait and see,” Hux said.  He powered down his pad and held it protectively to his chest. 

Ben pouted.

* * *

It was late when Ben and Rey made it home, and their internal clocks insisted it was later still.  Rey was asleep already- Mom carried her off to her room after bidding Ben a quiet goodnight.

He was dead on his feet but as soon as he was in his room he grabbed his datapad off his desk.  He sat on the edge of his bed and kicked his shoes off while he waited for his pad to start up.

It felt like it took forever for the pad to power on, for his one new message to load after he tapped the alert.

Hux: Was it worth the wait?

 _You asshole._ Ben typed, but he was laughing as he flopped back on his bed.

The pad chimed just as he was starting to drift off.  Ben tilted the pad up so he could peer at his new message with bleary eyes.

Hux: Goodnight Ben.

Ben smiled at the pad before finally drifting off.

* * *

This was the worst part of the holiday.  Ben sighed and nudged Rey back into her seat. Again. 

Mom had to be at the public ceremony of course.  And she needed her happy family there for the cameras too.  Most of it anyway, Dad had managed to get out of the public appearances this year.  He was racing tomorrow on Corellia so he was there, preparing.  Which just left Ben and Rey here with Mom, up on the balcony of the Senate building in Hanna City watching the back of politicians heads as they made boring speeches.  His Mom had put him in charge of Rey, so when she inevitably made a scene because she was a little girl being forced to sit still for an extended period of time it was going to be _Ben’s_ fault.

“How much longer?” Rey whispered.

Ben glanced up at the podium.  Mon Mothma was speaking now, Mom and Admiral Ackbar standing beside her.  He checked the program.  There was a musical performance, another speech, the moment of silence for Alderaan, then Mom was doing the closing speech. 

“Almost done,” he told her.  “Four more things. Mom’s going last ok?”

Rey nodded, eager to be done with this.  Ben handed her the program to fiddle with.

Of course after the speeches Mom had to spend at least three more hours ‘networking’ with the other senators, but at least then there was food, and they could stand up and walk around.  And if Rey got crabby then Ben had a reason to excuse himself and hide away in Mom’s office.

Ben’s personal datapad vibrated against his chest.

He started.  Dad wouldn’t message him during the ceremony, ditto Uncle Luke, and he’d blocked Harrand, which meant the only person who could possibly be messaging him was Hux- but it was the middle of the night on Vessa.

The pad vibrated again.

Slowly, so as not to make it obvious, Ben fished his pad out of his inner jacket pocket.

Hux: You should maybe try to look a little less like you’re dying of boredom.  
Hux: You visibly jumped when I messaged you. Did you actually leave your datapad on?

As Ben read another message popped up.

Hux: You DID  
Hux: For shame  
Ben: Isnt it the middle of the night on Vessa????  
Ben: Why are you awake?  
Hux: It is.  
Hux: Mum doesn’t have work tomorrow, so we decided to stay up and watch the live feed of the celebration on Chandrila.  
Hux: We are being as patriotic as possible.  
Hux: In case we are being monitored.  
Hux: Look how much We Love the Republic.

The picture that popped up was obviously taken by Hux, using the camera built into his datapad.  Hux and his mom were on their couch- the pair of them were wearing matching Republic yellow and blue pajamas.  Hux’s mom had a bowl of popcorn on her lap and the pair of them were drinking some bubbly bright green liquid out of two of the ugliest cheap souvenir cups Ben had ever seen.  They’re slathered with the Republic’s emblem.  Ben tired very hard not to laugh.

Ben: Where did you even get those pajamas?  
Hux: Mum had them when I got home.  I’m afraid to ask.  
Hux: I think she might have made them.

Rey leaned over and whispered “What’re you doing?”  There was a roar of applause- Mon Mothma must have finished speaking. 

“Talking to Hux.” Ben whispered back. The music was starting now, Ben didn’t bother to look up at the viewscreens to see the performance. Another message popped up on his pad.

Hux: Hi Rey.  
Ben: Can you see us?  
Hux: Yes.  You’re in the very corner of this feed- I don’t think anyone else would notice though.

“Hi Hux!” Rey said, waving at Ben’s datapad.

Ben: Rey says hi.  
Hux: Mum says you both look cute.

Ben blushed.

Hux: She wants to amend that to say Rey is cute-she likes her hair- she says you’re ‘handsome’

Ben passed the compliment on to Rey, who grinned tremendously.

Hux:  Ok, Mum and I are lost.  Can you tell us what’s up with the horns?  The commentators on this feed aren’t explaining anything and Mum and I have never done this before.  
Ben: It’s a Chandrila thing.  
Ben: The crazy big horns.  
Ben: The music they’re playing is ‘a stirring medley of old Republic songs and new music representing our pride in our new era of peace and prosperity.’  
Hux: is it  
Ben: so says the program  
Hux: It sounds like a lot of BWAAAAAMMs to me

Ben had to clamp a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing out loud.

* * *

The Holonet noticed immediately.

Hux hadn’t talked to Ben long- Ben had explained some of the Republic’s traditions- including the huge glitter balls all the important figures seemed to be handing each other.  And then he had signed off- citing the upcoming moment of silence for Alderaan, and everyone lost during the Rebellion.

‘ _If I’m on my datapad during_ that _Mom’ll kill me_ ,’ he had said.

He and Mum had watched the rest of the ceremony without Ben’s commentary and then gone to bed.

The next morning when Hux checked his news feeds over breakfast he nearly choked on his toast.  There were dozens of articles about the Solo children’s conduct during the ceremony. Apparently the Solos had been much more visible on some newsfeeds Hux hadn’t seen.

Reactions varied from offended to deeply amused.  Public opinion was mostly skewed towards amusement as far as Hux could tell- Ben’s decision to put the pad away before the memorial parts of the ceremony had been a good idea.  A number of people pointed to that as a sign that he hadn’t meant to be disrespectful.  And the clip of Rey waving at the pad as if Hux could see her was absolutely everywhere.  Usually with a comment along the lines of ‘look at this adorable baby who doesn’t know how messaging works.’

Hux messaged Ben.

Hux: I’m sorry.  
Ben: It’s alright.  You did tell me.  
Hux: Are you in trouble?  
Ben: Yes? Not a lot.  It’s really only Mom’s political opponents who are actually upset I think.  
Ben: But I’m probably going to get my pad taken away so I might not be able to talk to you until we’re back at school.

Hux’s pad chimed indicating he had an incoming comm- from Ben.  He answered it.

“Hello Armitage.” Leia Organa said, she was smiling but looked more tired than anything else.

“Senator Organa,” Hux said. “To what do I owe the pleasure?”  His mother looked up from their console in the living room- where she had been perusing the Holonet too.

“I’d like to speak to your mother,” Leia said.  Hux caught a glimpse of Ben behind his mother, he was waving and appeared to be mouthing ‘sorry.’  Hux bit his cheek to keep from smiling.

“Of course ma’am.” He stood and brought the datapad over to his mother.

“Madam Senator,” Mum said. “Good morning.”

“I’d like to speak with you privately,” Leia said.

Mum nodded and went into her bedroom.  Hux wanted to pace, but instead he sat down in the seat Mum had vacated and looked at what his Mum had been doing on the console.  Half the screen had a recipe on it that she appeared to be editing …and the other half is an article on some celebrity news site called ‘Rey Solo is Bored out of her Mind but also Just the Cutest Thing (Images).’  The article began ‘Everyone’s been talking about Ben Solo playing around on his datapad during yesterday’s Liberty Week ceremony on Chandrila, but it’s our personal opinion that the real star of the Bored Children Show was his little sister Rey,’ and has a number of stills and clips from various news feeds. The first one was a clip from early in the ceremony. Rey leaned against Ben’s shoulder in a fake swoon, one hand laid across her forehead and the other flung wide.  Ben picked up Rey’s hand and patted it gingerly before the clip repeated itself.

“Taj.”

Hux’s head snapped up. “Mum?”  She didn’t have his pad.

“Organa wants my permission to share parts of your messages with Ben with the public.  With you name redacted of course. Are you alright with that?” she said.

“She wants _your_ permission.” Hux echoed.

“Yes, she seems to be a little fuzzy on how privacy works.  She looked rather confused when I told her I was going to ask you,” Mum smirked.

Hux considered, “I guess that’s alright. Did she say which parts?”

Mum shook her head. “Presumably not the part where you imply the Republic spies on its refugees.

“But that was the best part!” Hux protested.

Mum laughed before heading back to her room.

A few minutes later she returned with his pad.  “It’s Ben,” she said as she handed it over.

It _was_ Ben, looking sheepishly up at him. “Sorry,” he said as soon as he saw Hux. “I am so sorry about this.”

Hux shrugged. “It’s fine. You’re the one actually getting in trouble for it anyway.”

Ben sighed. “Yeah. So I am losing my datapad for the rest of the week- maybe less on good behavior.  If I don’t talk to you again I guess I’ll see you at school.”

Hux nodded. “Try to get it back sooner, otherwise I’ll have no one to share the hour long recording of the twins’ family blowing things up with fireworks I just got with.”

Ben laughed. “Oh wow, _none_ of you were raised right.”

“Ben!” a voice off-screen snapped.

Ben winced. “Um, looks like my time’s up. See you soon?”

“Definitely.” Hux replied.

Ben grinned just before his transmission cut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I made up Liberty Week, but that's what I'd do if I had two major historical events that close together- just take the whole week off.
> 
> I am a history nerd and couldn't help sneaking in a little bit of fictional historiography.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you know that fruit Anakin floated across the table to Padme was not a pear? It was a shuura. Go look it up, shuuras have a Wookiepedia entry. I am not making this up.
> 
> Content Warning: The threat of rape is in this chapter. And Hux says some really ignorant things about mental illnesses. Both he and Ben are little jerks.

Organa just released the messages of Ben explaining things to Hux, of course.  Most of the overtly negative comments stopped after that.  There was a little speculation about Ben’s mystery friend, but by the fourth day of Liberty Week the Holonet had moved on.  It was about this time that Hux also realized he missed Ben.  Just a bit.  Ben didn’t get his pad back though, so Hux had to wait until school started again.

He arrived back on campus in the early evening, and he knew as soon as he stepped off the transport something was wrong.  He also knew, somehow, that it had something to do with Ben.

Right, well, Ben wasn’t anywhere in sight, so he’d best go put his luggage away.

There didn’t seem to be anyone in the dorms either, it was strangely quiet, until he passed through the common room where the twins were sitting.  They were apparently waiting for him, because they sprung up and followed him as he passed.

“What’s going on?” Hux asked.

“It’s Ben.” They said together.  Pava continued, “He came back to school in a bad mood already and went to hide in his room.  But then an hour later- like ten minutes ago actually- he came out and he was _pissed_.   I have no idea what about. A bunch of us were in the common room talking and he came in and was just glaring at everyone.”

“Harrand asked him what was wrong,” Tava said.  “Ben just snarled at him and shoved him across the room with the Force.  So Jysa freaked out and went to tell Master Luke, and Ben ran off somewhere, and Harrand went to his room, and then you showed up.”

“Sounds like I just missed the fun,” Hux said.  He opened his door and set his luggage inside before shutting the door again.

“What’re you doing?” Pava asked as Hux turned around and headed back the way he’d come.

“I’m going to see Ben.” Hux said. “Do you know which way he went?”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” The twins said.

“Well I’m doing it anyway.” Hux said.  He turned to wave at the twins, and stopped at the identical looks of concern on their faces.  “I’m not afraid of Ben having a tantrum.”

“You’ve never really seen him angry before,” Tava protested.

“I’m not scared of him,” Hux said.  He let his focus drift out a little. “South?” he asked.  It felt like that was where Ben's Force energy was pooling.

The twins sighed, and nodded. “He ran off along the cliffs,” Pava said. “Be careful ok?”

“I’m always careful,” Hux said.

Once outside he headed to the cliffs, turning left at the start of the trail down to the beach and following the edge of cliffs south.  He passed the shooting range, officially putting him off school grounds.  About five minute later Ben came into view.  He was standing on a rocky outcropping in the cliff and appeared to be Force-tossing rocks off the edge and into the sea.

Hux stopped about ten feet away. He knew Ben knew he was there but he spoke anyway. “Ben?”

“Go away!” Ben snarled, he sent a rock flying in Hux’s direction with the Force.  Hux watched it sail by without much interest.  It was a big rock yes- but Ben obviously hadn’t been actually aiming at him.

“You don’t want me to go away,” Hux said. 

It was the wrong thing to say.  Ben wheeled around, his eyes look black in the fading light and his face was twisted up in a vicious scowl. “You don’t get to tell me what I want!” he shouted.  “Go have you head up your ass somewhere else you-“

“You are having an actual temper tantrum at age 14,” Hux interrupted.  “That means you either have some kind of underlying mental health issue or you’re doing it to get attention.  So do you want to calm down and tell me what’s wrong?”

“I’m not crazy!” Ben snapped. 

“I never said you were,” Hux said.

“Just shut up!” Ben shouted.  He stormed over and got right in Hux’s face.  Ben leaned in, using their inch in height difference to loom over Hux.  “You’re always making stupid remarks so people think you’re smart- just shut up!"

Hux refused to pull away. 

“I could make you.” Ben murmured, his voice suddenly soft and low.  “I’m stronger than you in the Force.  I could make you do whatever I wanted.”  Ben was glaring at him, his gaze was heavy and full of vicious needy things.  Hux met it and held it.  “I could make you _like_ it,” Ben said.

He was so close Hux could feel Ben’s blood warm breath on his face.  The hair on the back of his neck stood up and he felt like he was going to vomit- but he didn’t waiver.  He’d heard worse things from other boys at the Academy, been loomed over by bigger boys, and he knew puffed-up bullshit when he heard it.

“You can’t scare me Ben,” he said, and took a half-step forward, almost bringing their faces together. 

Ben’s demeanor shifted instantly.  His eyes went wide and he moved away, looking confused and almost frightened.  That had been easier than Hux had expected.  Had no one ever confronted Ben on his behavior?  Or had he not realized how pushy he was being?

Hux sighed. “Tell me what’s wrong,” Hux said softly.  He brushed his hand against Ben’s- but didn’t try to touch him more than that. Not yet.

Ben frowned, it was not the ugly scowl of before though.  He looked more sad than angry now.  “You wouldn’t understand.” Ben said, his voice watery.  “No one treats you like you’re going to kill them.”

Hux considered how much to say next very carefully. Ben had just had an actual temper tantrum, but Ben was- he could trust Ben with this, he thought. And he wanted someone to know.  He wanted _Ben_ to know.  He couldn’t tell the twins, not this.

“Except for about half the kids here, and your mum and anyone else who knows about Starkiller,” Hux said.

“What?”

“Ben, my first week here one of the other kids asked if I’d ever killed anyone.”

“What’s Starkiller?- Wait, what??” Ben looked positively bewildered.  At least he didn’t look sad anymore.

Hux smiled and pulled his datapad out of his bag. 

“Starkiller,” he explained, as he navigated to the hidden files and opened up the projection to display between them. “Is a hyper-lightspeed weapon that would be built inside at least a Class IV planet.  It would consume a sun, and convert the solar energy into quintessence.  Which would then be fired out of the planet in 1 to 3 beams of energy that could incinerate a planet each.”

Ben was staring open-mouthed at him.  Hux shifted nervously- aware this could very easily end in Ben joining the ranks of people who thought he was crazy.

“You made this,” Ben said.

Hux shrugged and looked down at the pad. He turned off the projection and kept staring at the screen. “Designed it technically.  And it’s not done- as it is now it could only fire once before the planet collapsed- I’m still working on how to keep the planet stable enough to fire again- and I think I can up the number of planets that can be targeted at once.”

“Fuck Hux.” Ben said, but he sounded awed and when Hux risked a glance at him Ben looked awed too.  Like Hux had done something impossible.  “You made like, a Mega-Death Star. I- how’d you even get past the border with that?”

“I got called in for an interrogation about it- and then I accidentally mind-tricked them into letting me keep the pad and letting me leave.  That’s how your mum found me- the interview was recorded.”

“Oh man, I have no idea what she did but I am sorry,” Ben said.  It made Hux laugh, and he smiled at Ben.

“She thinks I erased the data for it,” he admitted.  He trusted Ben to keep that to himself.  “I started working on it as a school project- but now it’s a … hobby I guess.”

Hux shut off the pad.  The sun was nearly down now and it was getting dark.  “Are people being weird because you’re better at the Force than them?”  Hux asked.

Ben sighed, the last of his anger bled away by Hux’s confession. “Yeah.”

“What, did they not realize you have an impressive pedigree and way more practice than them?”  Hux scoffed.  “That’s stupid.”

“I know.  I shouldn’t let it bother me but… I- some shit happened at home and then I got here and there were people whispering about how if anyone was going to snap and go crazy it was me- I just, hate it you know?”

“Who said that?”  Hux asked.    

“I don’t know.  I was trying to meditate and just sensed it- I don’t know who actually said it.”

Hux frowned, that sounded weird, but he didn’t say anything.  “What happened at home?”

Ben looked like he wanted to cry.  “Did you know you can knock people out with the Force?”

“No.”

“You can and… I’d never done it before but right before we came back to school Rey was throwing a fit- she hadn’t gotten enough sleep the night before so she was just taking out her grumpiness on everyone.  It wasn’t too bad but I just kept thinking that she’d feel better if she just took a nap and… I really didn’t mean to-“

“Is she alright?” Hux asked.

“Yeah she’s fine, but she did kinda just _flop_.  It scared everyone for a second, and then... No one believed me when I said it was an accident.”

Hux put a hand on Ben’s shoulder.  “That sucks.”

“Yeah.  It… it kinda sucks to realize your entire family thinks you’re a bad mood away from hurting your baby sister.”

They stood in silence and watch the last rays of the sun set into the water.  “I think we scare them because of what we could do,” he said. “I mean it would take literally years to build Starkiller- but even the idea that I could build it scares people.  The officers, in that room asking me questions about it, they looked at me like… I was already a mass-murderer.  Not just, me, you know?  Because of what I could potentially do. _Everyone_ can potentially do terrible things.”  He hated everything that just came out of his mouth.  It all sounded so stupid and whiny and- but Ben was nodding and it struck him that maybe Ben did know.  Maybe he’s divulged his stupid petty problems to someone who genuinely understood and felt the same. 

He’s not going to cry about it or anything, he told himself.  Or throw a temper tantrum.

“…It’s probably jealousy for you too.  They all wish they were as good as you.”

Ben scoffed. “You don’t.”

“I have no illusions about my strength,” Hux said.  “I’m just here so I can learn not to accidentally blow stuff up.”

“Or accidentally brainwash people.” Ben said.

Hux nodded.  “Besides I have designing doomsday weapons as a fall back.”

Ben laughed, but then sobered and looked guilty.  “Hux I-  I wouldn’t actually make you do anything you didn’t want to.”

“Good,” Hux locked eyes with Ben and said, dead serious.  “Because if you did I would kill you.  Sniper bolt through your head from 1000 yards.  You’d never see it coming.”

Ben swallowed and then nodded meekly. “We should head back,” he mumbled. 

“Yes.” Hux grabbed Ben’s arm and pulled him inland more. “Let’s do that- away from the cliffs. I refuse to die by waking off a cliff in the dark.”

* * *

Hux dragged himself out of bed- and then flopped right back down on the sheets.  He groaned and rubbed his face.  He hadn’t gone to sleep until early morning, and he was feeling it now.  He needed to stop pulling all-nighters.  Maybe he could convince the kitchen droids to give him caf.  He pulled on the first set of clean clothes he laid hands on and stumbled out of his room without even looking in the mirror.

The hallway was blocked by Solos. 

“Oh hey Hux,” Ben said.  “Have you seen Rey?”

Hux stared at him.  “Ben she’s over your shoulder.”

From her position draped over Ben’s shoulder Rey’s giggles got louder.

Ben’s eyes went wide.  “Really?” he twisted to look over his other shoulder. “I don’t see her,” he pouted.

This must be some kind of game, unfortunately Hux had no idea how to play.

“Ben,” Rey gasped between giggles.  “Ben I’m right here!”

“Where?”  Ben spun around wildly, making Rey giggle hysterically.

Ben’s smile was so warm when he focused back on Hux.   He recalled their conversation on the cliff a few weeks ago- how could anyone think Ben would deliberately hurt Rey? Ben _adored_ Rey.

“I can _hear_ her so I know she’s close.” Ben said.  “But I can’t _find_ her.”

“I need caf,” Hux said, stepping forward. “Then I can help you find her.”

Ben nodded. “Alrigh- Hey!”

As he passed Ben Hux pulled Rey off his shoulder and held the little girl in his arms.  Rey wrapped her arms around Hux’s neck and kept right on giggling.

“Hux!” Ben fell into step behind him. “You found her!”

“You’re silly!” Rey told her brother.

“So silly,” Hux agreed.

As they exited the dormitory Ben stepped up beside Hux and tried to take Rey back.  Hux held tight for a second. “You aren’t going to lose her again are you?” he asked.

“I would _never_!” Ben said in mock affront.

Hux let Ben take her.  Ben hoisted his sister up to sit on his shoulders. 

“Where’re we going now?” she asked as she started playing with Ben’s long hair.

“The cafeteria,” Ben said. “We need to make sure Hux has more than caf for breakfast.”

Rey nodded solemnly. 

Hux laughed and shook his head.

“What?” Ben asked.

“Nothing,” Hux said.  “You’re both just-” adorable. “-ridiculous.”

“You’re just jealous that we’re awesome,” Ben said.

“Yeah!” Rey chorused.

Hux didn’t reply.  That was, not wrong, though the feeling wasn’t so much jealousy as …nostalgia for something he had never had.  He shook his head again, it was too early for this.

* * *

Ben ducked out of the kitchens with his prize wrapped up in a cloth napkin.  The kitchen droid in charge of inventory loudly beeped curses after him, but the droids never left the kitchens- Ben was already safe.  Now to find Hux.

Hux wasn’t shielding himself right now, so locating his Force presence was easy enough.   Ben followed the hum of Hux’s Force energy across campus to the library.  Of course that’s where he was.  For someone who wasn’t in school anymore Hux sure spent a lot of time _reading_.

Ben wound through the shelves and tables following that familiar pulse of energy- until he nearly ran into the Twi’lek twins.  Pava and Tava- though he honestly had no idea which one was which.  Hux had told him not too long ago, but he’d forgotten already.

“Um, hey.”  Had he ever actually spoken to these two before?  He couldn’t remember.  “Have you two seen Hux?”  It was a reasonable question, the twins were the only other people Hux spent any time with.

The twins both raised an eyebrow. They shared a look, their lekku twitch in patterns Ben didn’t understand. 

“Don’t talk about me in your secret tentacle language when I’m right here! It’s rude!” Ben snapped.

They both stopped and stared at him.  “Rude!”  they said in unison.

“You mean like how you and Hux talk in your heads all the time during Group?” the teal one snapped back. 

“We can’t tell what you’re saying but we know you’re talking!” the purple one added.  “Master Luke probably notices too.”

Ben flushed.  “That’s different!  Group isn’t a conversation and we already know all that-“

“Hux isn’t you!”  both girls said together.  The purple one- Pava? Maybe?- led the assault this time.

“Hux doesn’t know all this stuff Ben,” she said “He’s new to all this- I’m sure you remember.”

“You shouldn’t distract him.”  The teal one added.

Ben frowned.  “Hux would tell me to shut up if he wanted to listen.”  He managed to sound more certain of that than he was.

The Twi’lek girls shared a look again.  Their lekku began twitching again but before Ben could complain they both looked back at him.

“Sure Ben.”  They said.  Again in unison.  He hated them so much.  “Whatever you say.”

“Agreeing with Ben is usually not a good thing.” Hux said as he walked around the corner with a stack of datapads and a few actual books in his arms.  “What’re you three up to?”

Hux’s shirt was pale blue-green- _seafoam_ , an old memory of one of his mother’s personal stylists butted in- and Ben was positive he’d never seen it before.  The neck of the shirt was wide- _boat neck_ -and Ben could see Hux’s collarbones.

It shouldn’t have mattered, most humanoids in the galaxy had collarbones.  He could see the twins’ right now too, but…

Hux had freckles. Across his shoulders.  And the base of his neck.

Ben swallowed.

“Ben!”  Hux waved a hand in front of his face.  “You in there?”

Ben shook his head. “Yeah,” he said, forcing himself to meet Hux’s eyes.  It didn’t help that much. Hux has freckles across his nose and cheeks too, made darker by the amount of sun he got at school.  “I-uh. Are you busy now?  I wanted- I thought we could practice something.”  He could feel his face heating up as he stumbled through an explanation.

Hux’s pale green eyes examine him intently. Hux nodded. “In a moment.”

He turned to the Twi’lek girls and loaded them both down with his load of books and datapads.

The purple one squawked in dismay. “You said you’d help us with our papers!” she protested.

“I did,” Hux said.  “I just found you all these sources to read.”

The twins groaned in unison. Hux smirked. “Have fun.  I’ll check in later.”

Hux walked away and Ben followed hurriedly.

“So?” Hux asked as they left the library. “Where to?”

Ben considered, there are already people on the beach, he can sense them from here, but he wanted some privacy too.

“My room,” he said.

“What’s that?” Hux asked as they walked.  He gestured at the napkin Ben was still holding.

“It’s a surprise.”

Hux regarded him suspiciously.  Ben felt a soft nudge at his mind.  He gently pushed Hux away.

“I hate surprises,” Hux whined.

Ben laughed.

He kept Hux in suspense until they got settled on the floor in Ben’s room.

Ben unwrapped the fresh shuura he’d taken from the kitchen.  He tossed one to Hux, who caught it deftly.  Hux brought the fruit up and smelled it, but didn’t take a bite.

“We’re practicing eating shuura?” Hux asked.  “Because I assure you I am already an expert on that.”

Ben snickered.  A few months ago they’d had shuura preserved in syrup in the cafeteria one day.  Hux had had _six_ servings.

 He picked up another fruit, holding it out in front of him.  “I’m going to drop it.  Catch it.”

“That’s a waste of good food,” Hux protested.  He’d gently set his shuura in his lap.

Ben rolled his eyes, but used the Force to pull his pillow off his bed and position it on the ground under his hand.  “There. You ready?”

Hux nodded.

Ben dropped the shuura.  It fell straight down and thumped gently into the pillow.

Hux sighed, but said nothing else.  Ben picked up the shuura and dropped it again.  On the fourth drop the shuura slowed noticeably.  On the seventh drop the shuura stopped dead in the air a whole two inches above the pillow.  Hux grinned.

“Since you caught that one I guess it’s yours,” Ben said.

Hux drew the shuura to him.  He plucked it out of the air and put it with his other one.

Ben still had two more shuura left, so he picked up another one and they kept practicing.  Not long after something went wrong with one of the drops.  The shuura didn’t fall straight down, it arched to one side like Hux had accidentally pushed it and fell in Ben’s lap.

“Well I guess this one’s mine,” Ben said.  He left it there and picked up the last shuura.

It took Hux eight tries to stop that one, but he stopped it only a few inches from Ben’s hand.  Ben let him have that one too.

“Where’d you get these?” Hux asked, running his fingers along the last shuura he’d caught.

“Kitchen.  They got in a bunch for pies or tarts or something.”  Ben shrugged.

Hux smirked. “So you stole them,” he said without heat.

“You can give them back if you want,” Ben said.

Hux shook his head. “No.”  He brought the shuura to his mouth and took a bite.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The update schedule is now I update whenever I get the next chapter edited, because I can't make myself stick to a set schedule. It'll be at least twice a week though.


	9. Chapter 9

When Ben left the dorm for Group Hux was crouched in the dirt outside the door talking seriously with Rey.  Rey giggled about something and Hux smiled at her.  Ben felt like his stomach was full of razors.

 _~See how easily he abandons you?~_ Snoke whispered, suddenly joining him in his head.  _~They all prefer her over you.  She’s easy to love, no pall of darkness over her…~_

Hux looked up then and their eyes locked. Hux’s face was impassive and his mind silent.  That was how Hux was though.  Blank-faced and thoughts either locked away or shouted out for everyone to hear.  Ben felt a stab of frustration that Hux was never projecting when he wanted him to.

Hux looked back down at Rey and ducked close to whisper something to her.  Rey nodded, and then whipped around and charged him. 

“Oof.”  Ben gasped dramatically when Rey crashed into his legs. Rey giggled and grinned up at him.  Ben could feel Snoke’s disdain- he felt Ben should shun Rey for stealing his family’s affection and praise, but Ben could never quite manage to produce the same ire.  It wasn’t Rey’s fault after all, she was just a baby.

_~She’s old enough to be stealing your friends away isn’t she?~_

Ben swallowed hard as Rey ran off- he looked at Hux, who was leaning back against the dorm wall watching Rey with a thoughtful expression on his face.

Snoke didn’t say anything- he didn’t need to.

“What?” Ben snapped.

Hux jumped and looked at him in confusion, “What _what_?” 

Something about his expression bled some of the anger from Ben- he nearly dropped it all together.  But Snoke was still upset in the back of his head, and underneath Ben’s diminished anger was still that stupid _~weak~_ part of him that wanted Hux to look at him- just him.

“What were you looking at?” he asked instead.  He regretted it almost immediately because now Hux was looking at him like he’d done something fascinating and needed to be analyzed _~judged~_.  He both hated and loved Hux scrutinizing him like this- Hux had a gaze that could cut bone sometimes and he usually turned it on complicated equations or his super weapon or the more mystical aspects of the Force.  It’s uncomfortable to be the focus of that intensity- but it meant Hux found him interesting.

“I was thinking about how I don’t have any siblings or younger relatives.”  Hux said slowly- still watching his face.  “And how as such I am less experienced with dealing with them. It’s annoying.”

“What.”

“I feel I’m not as objective with young children as I should be- because they’re cute.”

Ben almost laughed again, Hux sounded genuinely annoyed that small children were cute.  Snoke’s thoughts were unclear but they feel perplexed.

“Ben.”  Hux continued.  “Are you jealous that I was talking to Rey?”

“No.” Yes, but hearing him ask it like that made it seem stupid.

Hux stepped away from the wall. “She needs help making sure her shoes are on the right feet.  What could you possibly be jealous about?”

Ben ducked his head. “I guess,” he mumbled.  “What were you talking about?”

“It’s a surprise.” Hux said.

Ben groaned. 

* * *

 

A few days after his talk with Rey they went down to the beach one morning before breakfast to practice.  He and Ben sat at the edge of the high tide line while Hux levitated a smooth green rock in the air.  He moved the rock up and down, then side to side.

“Your control’s getting better,” Ben said.

Hux sighed.  “That’s not the problem.”  He was supposed to be _throwing_ the rock.

“It’s just like throwing anything else.”  Ben said unhelpfully.  He flicked a stone out across the water with the Force.  It skipped twice.

Hux rolled his eyes. “Show off.”

He could drop the rock, and he could move the rock quickly from place to place.  He just couldn’t do both.  He was taking too long to let go.  It was robbing the stone of all its momentum.  Maybe if he-

“Thinking too much!” Ben sang at him.

Right.  So he wouldn’t think.

Hux moved the rock as fast as he could out toward the ocean, and then stopped.  Not the rock, but using the Force all together.  The stone sailed on without him plunking into the sea a fair way out.

Ben leapt to his feet and crowed victoriously. “You did it!” he shouted, before doing something that was probably supposed to be a victory dance.

Hux was laughing so hard he could barely breathe as he watched Ben jump around like an idiot- more excited for Hux’s success than he was.

Some bright and fragile feeling he’d been try to ignore since shortly after that first shared meditation session flared in his chest. 

Ben held out a hand and Hux took it, letting Ben help him to his feet.  Ben grinned at him and the feeling in his chest tried to crawl out his throat.  Then Ben hugged him. 

He was so warm.  Hux swallowed and wrapped his arms around Ben, hugging him back.  He tucked his face against Ben’s shoulder and tried to summon the energy to be annoyed that Ben was so much broader than him- he couldn’t though, not when Ben was the perfect size to lean against. 

Ben had frozen completely when Hux hugged him back and when Hux peeked up at him he looked dumbfounded.  Hux couldn’t help it- he laughed at the look on Ben’s face.  Hux’s crumpling grip on the warm feeling in his chest gave way completely. 

_Alright, alright,_ he thought to himself.  _Just don’t get all gross about it._

“Thanks.”  Hux said.  “I wouldn’t have been able to do that without your help.”

Ben grinned. “Nah. You’d have got it.  It just would have taken you forever.”

Hux laughed again. The sound of voices from up on the cliff drifted down to them, coming their way.  “Can we have breakfast before we continue?” he asked.

“Yeah let’s go,” Ben said.  He kept his arm draped across Hux’s shoulder as they headed towards the other path up the cliff, away from the growing voices.

* * *

Hux was on the way to the library for some self-imposed studying when he saw the twins sitting under The Tree talking.  There was a lot of gesticulating, and Hux couldn’t resist changing course to see what they were doing.

“What are you two fussing about?” Hux asked as he drew near.

The twins stopped talking and exchanged a look, their lekku twitching and curling around them.

“I mean, he is a boy.” Pava said, switching to spoken words.

“I am,” Hux agreed.  He stopped next to them.  “What are you working on?”

Tava grabbed his arm and tugged him down to sit with them.  “Ok so,” she said.  “’There’s this boy.”

Hux raised an eyebrow.  “Do I know him?”

“No no!” Pava said. “He’s back home.  But we want to like, hang out with him next break- but we don’t know what we want to do or what he’ll like or-“

“You want dating advice?” Hux asked.  “I’ll admit I’m not the best person for that- wait which one of you is he dating?”

“Um, neither right now,” Pava said.  “But that’s going to change!  We just need ideas for how to get him interested.”

Hux frowned, “Isn’t both of you trying for him at once is weird?”

He got a set of match glares for that question.  He held up his hands.  “Ok, ok! Tell me about this boy.”

The girls sighed in unison. 

“He’s so cute,” Tava sighed.

“Ok.”

“He got these great eyes,” Pava added.  “And he’s tall and…”

“Ok.”

“His voice is great.” Tava said, and Pava nodded.

“Ok.”

“And he’s _red_ ,”  both said.

“What?”  Hux asked.  All the rest of it had been pretty standard descriptions of a cute boy, but this… must be a Twi’lek thing.

“Twi’leks come in different colors right?”  Tava explained. “Red’s the rarest color.”

“I see,” Hux said. 

“It’s so exotic.”  Pava sighed.

Hux winced.  “You can tell him you like his coloration but _do not_ use the word ‘exotic.’  That word is creepy when applied to a person.”  He’d gotten that before from people- including a number of older associates of his father’s- and it had never failed to make him feel sick.

The twins nodded enthusiastically, like Hux was providing insightful information. 

Alright then, he’d never given dating advice before but if they wanted it he’d try.

“What about the rest of him?” Hux asked. “I assume he has an equally dreamy personality?”

There was a long pause as both girls look absolutely everywhere but at Hux.

“Um,” Pava said eventually. “Sooo…”

“You’ve never actually talked to him at all have you?”  Hux asked.

“We’ve said things to him!” Tava protested.  “Only like, hi and good morning and stuff.  But that counts!”

Hux rolled his eyes.  “Alright, here’s my practical attracting boys advice- have actual conversations with him and make sure he’s not a jerk before you get any more gooey over him.  And don’t go too heavy with the flirting all at once!  Especially since there’s two of you.  Any other advice will have to wait until you actually know something about his personality and tastes.”

Both girls nodded shyly.  “What should we talk to him about?” Pava asked.

Hux shrugged, “How his vacation is going?” he suggested.  “You could use that to segue into your vacation and the school if you wanted.  But only if he seems interested.”

“You’re a genius,” Tava said.

“I mean, I am, just not with this ok?” Hux said.  “I want to help but I’m scraping the bottom of my barrel for romantic advice.”

“We’ll tell you how it goes,” Pava promised. “When we’re back from vacation and have had time to practice our romantic strategy.”

“I can’t wait.”

* * *

This latest session of ‘mental shielding practice’ looked a lot like Hux and Ben laying on floor in Hux’s room tossing Hux’s little foam Corellia back and forth.  Ben was cheating.  He kept using the Force to catch it.  Hux on the other hand was trying not to use the Force- only resorting to it when Ben’s throws went wide. Which happened a lot.

“You’re shit at this,” Hux said.  “Do you secretly have terrible hand-eye coordination and are always compensating with the Force?”

“My hand-eye coordination is fine.” Ben protested.

“Do you just mind trick everyone into believing that?”

Ben laughed.  His next toss went so wide it landed up on Hux’s bed.  Hux sighed and pulled the ball down with the Force.

“Hmm.” Hux said, an idea occurring to him as he caught the ball.  He rolled over right next to Ben and propped himself up on his elbows.  “I have an idea.”

Ben raised his eyebrows and stayed flopped on his back. “Go ahead.”

Hux leaned over Ben and looked him in the eyes.  “You will not block me out,” Hux said.

They’re just words, confidently said but without any will behind them.  It was just to throw Ben off, Hux didn’t think he could really mindtrick Ben.

He just had time to register Ben’s startled face before he dove into Ben’s head- confused, uncertain, excited?- to find Ben’s mental walls only partially up.  His diversion had worked better than he thought it would. Hux gleefully dipped into Ben’s largely unguarded mind- too deep, way too deep- and found himself immersed in a memory.

_Ben’s twelve years old.  Hux knew this the same automatic way he knew his own age._

_Ben was out by the cliff path leading to the beaches, sitting cross-legged on the ground with Harrand,_ (Uncle) _Luke, and the Adarian boy Hux refused to learn the name of._ Dendor _, Ben’s memories supplied, but Hux ignored that and focused on what the boys were doing.  They were floating small stones with the Force._

 _Well, Ben and Harrand were, the Adarian boy’s_ (Dendor’s) _stone twitched on the ground but did not rise._ (Uncle) _Luke was speaking softly to him- probably instructions or encouragements, Ben wasn’t listening.  Harrand’s stone hovered only a few inches off the ground, but Ben’s was up above all their heads moving in lazy circles._

_Harrand looked up at Ben’s stone and grinned._

_“Show off,” he mouthed.  Ben grinned back._

~He’s wasting your time. ~ _a voice murmured, soft, spine-chilling and entirely in Ben’s head._

_Ben’s mood dropped, and he lost his focus on his stone, sending it crash down onto the Dendor’s._

_The Adarian boy looked up with an ugly scowl on his face-_ and Ben pulled him out of the memory and back to the present.  Hux had a weird moment of vertigo as he mentally pulled _out_ but also physically pushed _away_. 

Ben sat up.  “Tricky,” he said, but he’d turned away and wasn’t looking at Hux.

“Ben,” Hux said, sitting up too.  “What was that?”

“Nothing.” Ben still wasn’t looking at him.

“There was a voice in your head that _wasn’t yours_.”

“No there wasn’t.  You must not have-“

“Ben Solo I am not an idiot,” Hux snapped.  “Kindly do not treat me as one.”

Ben groaned and buried his head in his hands.  Finally he looked at Hux.  “Look you can’t tell anyone.”

Hux wanted to say no.  That voice had felt… wrong on some deep instinctive level and Hux couldn’t believe Ben was apparently ok with it...  But if he said no now Ben wouldn’t tell him anything.  Besides, wasn’t Ben keeping his secrets?  It was completely unfair to Ben to ask him to keep Hux’s secrets when Hux wouldn’t keep his.

“…Fine.” Hux agreed.  “I won’t tell anyone, but what _was_ that?”

“That was Snoke. He’s… He talks to me sometimes.  Help me out with stuff.  He’s a powerful Force user from somewhere in the Unknown Reaches.  He says my energy is unique and calls to him through the Force.”

Hux’s eyebrows shot up.  “He’s a disembodied voice of dubious origins who makes you do things.”

“He doesn’t make me do anything!”  Ben protested.

Hux frowned.  True Snoke hadn’t _made_ Ben drop the rock in the memory, but it seemed clear to Hux it had been Snoke’s fault Ben lost focus.  “So what?  You talk about your feelings with him or something?”

Ben flushed but nodded, “Sometimes, sometimes he tells me things about the Force or we talk about problems I’m having.  He’s my friend.”

Hux’s stomach churned.  “I really think you should talk to someone about this.”

“You said you wouldn’t tell anyone!” 

“I won’t!” Hux held up his hands.  “I promised I wouldn’t. But I never said I’d agree with you about what you’re doing.  It’s like…do they even have those programs about the dangers of talking to strangers on the Holonet in the Republic?” 

Ben snorted. “Hux, Snoke isn’t some dirty old man from Coruscant trying to get pictures of me in my underwear.”

 “I’m not saying he is, I-” Well actually he kind of was.   “How do you know he’s telling the truth?”  Hux asked.

“I can tell!”  Ben snapped.  “I can feel if someone’s lying!”

“I know.” Hux said calmly.  “You’re really good at that- face to face- but he’s projecting things to you right?  Can you be sure you’d sense it when you aren’t face to face with him?”

Ben looked at him like he hated him, but Hux could read his uncertainty now.  He _wasn’t_ sure.

“We’ve another break next week right?” Hux said.  “I’ll send you a message with a lie in it and we can see if you catch it?”

Ben nodded reluctantly. “Fine.”

* * *

Hux let it drop after that.  Kind of.  He paid more attention now when Ben was quiet or distracted.  Sometimes it was almost like he was listening to something else.  Hux was afraid to ask if Ben had company though.

On the shuttle back to Vessa he came up with an idea for the lie he would tell.  He didn’t bother drafting anything though.  He wanted it to sound natural and rushed.  First he needed to wait until he had nothing to do.

He got his chance a few days later.  There was a yearly fair in town, and that morning he and his mother braved the throngs and go.  Hux had never been to one of these before and Mum hadn’t been to one since she was a teenager.  It was great fun.  And when they get home they both decided to have a ‘feed yourself’ night and settled in to relax after a busy afternoon.  His mum fell asleep on the couch shortly after they got back.  Hux went to his room and recorded Ben’s message.

“Hi Ben, sorry I haven’t messaged you sooner.  I’ve been super busy.  I actually don’t have a lot of time right now either so I’m going to have to be quick.  I’m fine, Mum and I went to a local fair earlier today.  I ate chocolate covered nuna bacon- which was delicious and ridiculous and Mum and I both tried Factryn meat pie and we still can’t feel our tongues- although I’ll admit it was good.  Mum liked it too.  Mum said she wouldn’t mind if you came to visit- maybe sometime next break?  I’ll talk to you about it when we get back and- shit I’ve gotta go… …I miss you.”

Hux blushed furiously and ended the recording before he could say anything else stupid.  He almost deleted it - but he knew he would sound rehearsed if he tried it again.

Hux shut his eyes and sent the message.  He flopped back onto his bed.  Now he just had to wait and see what Ben thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Holidays!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Hux talks about his terrible terrible childhood a little this chapter, sooooo that referenced child abuse warning applies here.

Ben hadn’t replied to Hux’s recorded message.  Not that night or for the rest of the break.  So naturally when Hux made it back to school he was anxious to talk to Ben and find out if he’d received it- but when he finally tracked Ben down in the gym he became a little distracted.

“What the...?” he asked as Ben stood away from the equipment and _loomed_ over him.  Ben had started working out more recently, and had been getting broad- but up until now Hux’d been more or less keeping pace with Ben heightwise. “Why are you like a foot taller than you were?” 

Ben smirked. “Five inches,” he corrected. “I hit a growth spurt.”

“The _fuck_.” Hux prodded Ben’s shoulder- which was now at eye level. 

“You’re so little.” Ben teased, reaching out to set a hand on Hux’s head.

Hux scoffed and shoved his hand away.  Ben watched Hux’s hand on his arm. “I wonder…” he said thoughtfully.  He was looking Hux over now, studying him from head to toe.  Hux felt himself blushing under the scrutiny- but defiantly glared at Ben anyway. 

“I bet I could pick you up.”  Ben murmured.

Hux took a hasty step back. “I will actually kill you,” he said.

Ben was grinning now. “No Force assistance either,” he said. “I bet I could lift you over my head.”

“Blaster bolt between the eyes from 1000 yards Ben.  I’m not joking.”

“Boys,” said Luke Skywalker. “What’s going on?”  He was standing five feet away with a gaggle of the younger kids- including Rey.  They must be using the nearby open matted area for their lessons today.  Neither Hux or Ben had noticed them.

Hux had no idea what to say but Ben was shrugging already.  “Hux is bragging about his sharpshooting skills.”

“It’s not bragging.” Hux countered, picking up on the lie easily.  “You asked.”

Hux wasn’t sure Ben’s uncle believed them, but he looked amused now, not suspicious.

“We’ll get out of your way.”  Ben said- and then he wrapped an arm around Hux’s waist, lifted him up off the ground and headed for the door.

“Ben!” Hux hissed as he tried to squirm away- at least Ben hadn’t actually lift him over his head.  “Put me down!”

Ben waited until they were outside to set him down.  “Sorry,” he wheezed between laughs.

Hux glared at him, which made the bastard laugh harder.  “What a _heartfelt_ apology.” Hux snapped.

Ben held up his hands.  “I couldn’t help it!”

“I’m sure,” Hux said.  He grabbed Ben’s arm and pulled him away from the gym.  They skirted around The Tree and headed out to the fields.  “I trust your break was good?” he asked.

Ben shook Hux’s hand off and sped up to keep pace with Hux. “It was pretty good.  Mom was busy, but Dad was actually around the whole time.  It was fun.  How was yours?”

“It was fine,” Hux said as they stepped into the tall grass.  He didn’t elaborate and Ben didn’t ask any more questions.  They walked in silence for another minute before Hux stopped and turned to Ben.  “Did you get my message?”

Ben hunched his back and looked away. “ _Yes_.” He muttered. 

“Well?”

Ben glared at him.

“ _What?_ ” Hux asked.  He crossed his arms and shifted uncomfortably.  Ben was looking at him like he’d been mean to Rey.  “We agreed to do this!”

“Yeah but I didn’t think you were going to be a jerk about it!” Ben snapped.

“What are you talking about?”

Ben growled, “The lie was that you missed me! _Thanks_ for rubbing it in that no one likes me you asshole!”

Hux blinked.  “That wasn’t the lie.”

“It really made- what?”  Ben stopped mid-rant. 

“That wasn’t the lie.” Hux repeated.  And then said the rest of it because apparently Ben _didn’t know_.  “I did miss you. You’re my best friend.”

Ben gaped at him. Hux looked away, staring down at the ground.  He scuffed his shoes in the dirt.

“I-you-“ Ben stuttered eventually. “Um, so what was the lie?”

Hux looked up.  Ben had taken a few steps towards him and his face had that wide-eyed look he’d gotten when Hux’d shown him Starkiller. Hux could feel himself blushing.  He dug his nails into his arms for a moment before dropping his hand to his sides.

“The whole premise was a lie.  I wasn’t in a rush, I had nothing else planned for the evening.  Mum was actually asleep on the couch when I recorded that message, I had all the time in the world.”

Ben frowned, “Maybe… maybe projections are different from messages?”

Hux shut his eyes and cleared his mind as best he could, he tucked every spare bit of emotion and thought away and tried to make himself a blank slate.  He pretended Ben was very far away, too far to see him, all Ben would know of him was the thoughts he would send.

 _~Your hair is stupid_ , ~ he sent Ben.  ~ _You should really cut it.  ~_

When he opened his eyes Ben was worrying his lip and tugging at a lock of his hair.

“Was I lying?” Hux asked.

“I… yes?” Ben said meekly.

“I was,” Hux confirmed. “But you weren’t sure were you?”

“No,” Ben admitted.

“I won’t tell anyone about this,” Hux promised.  “Just… be careful alright?  Don’t take everything he tells you at face value.”

Ben nodded absently.  He was chewing on his lip again, and frowning at the ground- apparently deep in thought.

“I guess he has said some pretty weird stuff before,” Ben admitted. “He doesn’t like Rey.”

Hux couldn’t have stopped his eyebrows from shooting up if he’d wanted to. “Rey is what? Four? What could she have possibly done to displease him?”

Ben shrugged.  He looked up at Hux and then away, back towards the school. “He’s said some weird stuff about you too,” Ben said. “About how I could- he doesn’t like you either.”

There was obviously something missing from that statement, but if Ben didn’t want to tell him he wouldn’t push. Not now at least.  “Well so far the feeling is mutual,” he said instead.

That made Ben smile.  He finally met Hux’s eyes again.  “Come on Best Friend,” he said.  Hux felt the blush come back immediately but pretended it wasn’t there.  He also steadfastly ignored the churning in his stomach. “We should get back before someone comes out to see what we’re doing out here.”

“Birdwatching,”  Hux suggested immediately.

Ben laughed and slung an arm across Hux’s shoulders.  Hux wasn’t one for hugs, even almost hugs like this, but he didn’t squirm away as Ben pulled him back towards campus.

* * *

 

Ben shifted.  He felt uncomfortably exposed for some reason.  They were in the cafeteria for breakfast, he and Hux at the table nearest the door.  He did have his back to the room but it wasn’t like someone was going to jump him-

“Why is Jysa glaring at you?” Hux asked.  How he’d noticed that while he was busy cutting his meat into perfectly symmetrical bites Ben had no idea.   But that explained the phantom itch between his shoulder blades.  Jysa was behind him at a table on the opposite end of the cafeteria with a few of the other girls. 

“You’ve been quite tolerable recently,” Hux added.  “Did you do something to her personally?”

Ben groaned and considered putting his head down right into his eggs.  “It’s not me.  It’s my Mom.”

Hux didn’t say anything, but the tilt of his chin and his raised eyebrow were prompting enough for Ben to continue.  “She was just instrumental in passing a bill that closed some loopholes and made it much more difficult to trade with worlds run by cartels like the Hutts.”

“So?” Hux asked. 

“Jysa’s parents are independent traders- they probably just lost a big chunk at their revenue sources,” Ben explained.

“So she’s mad at you?” Hux sounded incredulous.  He wrinkled his nose and huffed.  “That’s stupid.  All of it’s stupid- why were there even loopholes at all?  Her parents are really mad that something that should have been illegal before is actually really illegal now?  The Republic-“ 

Hux stopped abruptly and frowned.  Whatever he was thinking about obviously annoyed him.

“What?” Ben asked.

Hux shut his eyes and drew a deep breath.  He let it out steadily before looking at Ben. “Just realizing the political system I’m stuck in.”

Ben smiled. “Is the Republic really that bad?  You like the food.”

He was mostly joking, but Hux locked eyes with him and said, with more conviction than Ben thought he’d ever had about _anything_.  “The Republic is an inefficient bloated mess, run by the wealthy and bureaucrats concerned with nothing but keeping themselves in power.  The only things the Senate ever accomplishes are things meant to line their own pockets.  While they prattle on about strength and security and some kind of _democratic superiority_ their poorest citizens struggle to keep themselves fed.  The Republic crushes the needy through its bulk and inaction and then has the _gall_ to pretend everything is _fine_.”

Heat pooled low in Ben’s stomach and he tried not to think too much about why Hux’s blistering invective against the government had made that happen. “My mom acknowledges there are things wrong,” he said.

Hux’s expression softened- which did nothing to help the quivery feeling in his stomach.  “I was speaking of the system as a whole.  Of course there are good people working for better- there just aren’t enough of them to make the system actually work.”

“Is the First Order better?” Ben asked.

He got the very beginning of a snarl before Hux registered he was serious.  Hux got that annoyed contemplative look again- this time Ben got a burst of emotions and thoughts too.  Hux was seriously considering the question- and it annoyed him that there didn’t seem to be a straight answer. 

“I don’t know.” Hux admitted.  “But it hardly matters now.  I can’t go back.”

“You couldn’t just claim your mom kidnapped you?” Ben asked.  “Not that I think you should go back or anything, just wondering.”

Hux sighed.  “I guess I could claim it was some kind of long con to get secret information- but since I have none to turn over that wouldn’t hold up for long.  Besides, Mum and I just applied for citizenship.  The process involves a formal renunciation of any previous citizenships- so that’s kind of damning.”

“Just a little.” Ben agreed.

Hux hummed thoughtfully and squinted at something behind Ben. “Do you think I could tip Jysa’s drink over onto her tray from here?”

Ben snorted.  “I think you’re probably capable of it, but please don’t while I’m here.  She’ll blame me.”

“If you insist.”

It had been too long since their last lightsaber training.  He knew Uncle Luke had been avoiding it, but both he and Hux had it on their schedule this morning, so once they finished eating they headed off.

“He’s probably going to bust us down to wooden staffs.”  Ben grumbled.

Hux rolled his eyes. “I’m sure we’ll find a way to kill each other anyway.”

Ben laughed. “Tell you what, you show me how you did that chin clip from last time and I promise not to kill you.”

Hux huffed. “I don’t need to be coddled.”

Ben’s grinning.  “Fine, show me that move and I won’t coddle you.”

“Deal.”

* * *

Ben laid face down on his bed. The lights were off.  He was, he admitted to himself, sulking.  But he felt he deserved to sulk a little.

There was a slight shift in the Force. Someone was looking for him.  It wasn’t Uncle Luke or Rey.  He talked to both of them earlier today.  He’d… actually yelled at Rey, so she wasn’t going to be bothering with him for a while. 

It must be Hux.  He thought about concealing himself- but before he could decide one way or the other Hux found him. 

Ben groaned into his pillow but didn’t move.  Soon enough Hux was there, requesting entry. 

_~Go awaaay~_ Ben groaned at Hux.

Ben’s door opened.  “You know,” Hux said, leaning on the door jam.  “If you don’t want company you should really lock your door.”

Ben rolled onto his back and frowned at Hux. “What do you want?”

Hux took a step inside, allowing the door to shut behind him. “Happy Birthday.”

Ben scowled. “Not really.”

But he was glad Hux had remembered- or found out, Ben didn’t remember telling him.

“It hasn’t been the best?” Hux guessed.  He stepped further into the room and Ben dragged himself up so Hux would have room to sit with him.

“You could say that.” Ben said, leaning back against the headboard. Hux sat down and pulled his bag into his lap. “It started out alright,” Ben explained. “Rey made me a card.  It was ever cuter than what your imagining.”

Hux laughed.  The card itself- made of glitter and also a little paper was over on his desk with his other presents.  “Uncle Luke gave me a bunch of stuff on lightsaber construction.  A datadisc and a few actual _books_.”  The memory bolstered him a little and he actually smiled as he explained.  “He says he thinks I’m almost ready to make my own.  So he wants me to start reading up.”

“That’s exciting,” Hux said.  

“Yeah, that was the highlight of the day actually.  Then I got the presents my parents sent.” Ben looked down at his hands, curled into fists in his lap. “Dad just sent me credits. Which- at least it was on time this year- I usually don’t get his present until a few days later.  After Chewie reminds him and he goes to find something.  Mom- Mom got me a datadisk on etiquette and customs of Alderaan.

“So that’s either actually from Threepio, because Mom forgot.  Or Mom… just had no idea what I’d want and decided to try again to make me give a shit about diplomacy.  It’s _sooo_ nice to have parents who give a shit about me,” he added bitterly.

Hux nodded. “That sucks.”

Ben sighed. “Well at least there’s not question that my parents hate me.”

“Ben your parents don’t hate you.”

“They do-“

“No they don’t.  It seems like they have no idea what you like, but that’s not _hate_.  I should know, my stepmother once ‘accidentally’ dumped an entire bottle of adult strength analgesic syrup into my food.  I was seven.”

Ben gaped at Hux.  That- He knew Hux had had kind of a shit life before leaving the Order but… he stepmom had tried to _kill_ him?  He moved to hug Hux- but Hux shied away.  He cleared his throat and continued awkwardly. “My father scolded her for not thinking about the social and political backlash that would have happened if it came out she’d murdered me,” he said.

The topic was obviously making Hux uncomfortable, so Ben didn’t ask any of the questions he wanted to.  Had Hux gotten sick?  Had she tried anything like that again?  What the fuck was wrong with Hux’s dad?  Hux was blushing and looked up at the ceiling as he kept talk.  “But let’s see… my last birthday I got… nothing, from my stepmother.  Because as I said she actually hates me.  And from my father I got- also nothing, but that was the day he told me he was going to have me start boarding at the Academy next quarter.  So essential for my birthday he told me he was kicking me out of the house.”

Ben cleared his throat.  “Alright so you win the bad parents contest,” he said.

It was a pretty obvious attempt to lighten the mood, but Hux threw him a grateful look and actually smiled.  “Well my mum’s great, so some of that probably cancels that out.  Anyway,” Hux pulled a large package out of his bag.  “Do you want your present from me or not?" 

Ben sat up straight. “You got me a present?”

Hux nodded, and handed the package over.  It was pretty big and was wrapped inexpertly in solid green paper.  It wasn't heavy though, and was soft to the touch.  Ben’s first thought was that it was clothes.  If Hux got him clothes Ben was going to tease him mercilessly.

“Well?”  Hux prompted.  “If you’re just going to stare at the wrapping I’ll take it back.”

“No,” Ben said immediately hugging the present to his chest before ripping into the paper.

It’s a bag.  One of those ones that you wear over your shoulder.  Like the one Hux wore all the time.  Hux’s was a plain dark grey color with no embellishments except for the rotating large sticker Hux used to hide the spot on the front flap where the remnants of the First Order logo was still visible. Currently the sticker was an image of a gray-brown planet that’s apparently Vessa.  When he’d first come it had been a logo from one of the large spa-chains on Vessa.

This bag- his bag- was new.  It was a deep blue grey color with dark metal fixtures.  But that wasn’t the first thing he noticed.  There was a large purple image embossed on the front of the bag, it’s-

“Rey told me you liked the game, and then after I played it I saw this and it seemed like something you’d like so…” Hux trailed off and bit his lip.

Ben was still processing all this information.  Hux got him a present.  Hux got him a present that was simultaneously useful (of course Hux got him something useful) and something he liked.  Hux got him a bag with the Nightsinger Chronicles logo on it.  He was going to wear it everywhere.  His Mom will hate it. She hated that game. …Hux has played the Nightsinger Chronicles.  He grinned at Hux, his fingers gently patting the logo on the bag.  “What build did you play?”

Hux smiled back, his energy settling a bit.  “I ran around like an idiot putting points in random attributes until I got ahold of a decent long range weapon- then I guess I was stealth, I just shot everything from really far away.”

Ben laughed- mostly because that’s exactly how he would expect Hux to play.  “Of course you did.  Of course you made a sniper in a game without blasters.  I’m going to hug you now, whether you like it or not.”

Hux sighed and rolled his eyes but let Ben pull him into a tight hug.  He even patted Ben’s shoulder hesitantly. 

“Thank you.”  Ben told him. “I love it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels short? But according to the word count it's longer than the last one. Hmmmmm. The next chapter is longer.
> 
> The Nightsinger Chronicles is some kind of vaguely Skyrim-y hologame. There isn't any space travel but you can use ancient portals to travel from vaguely medieval world to vaguely medieval world. The ancient portals are relics from the Totally Not Jedi, who are now extinct but you, Player Character know some of their ancient Magic abilities. It is of course up to you to save the galaxy. I thought out this game way too much. Nightsingers are big ol' dragon things from one of the old Star Wars RPGs, if you were curious. This is what happens when you spend an entire day on Wookieepedia.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warnings: Let's see... Snoke is terrible this chapter, Hux describes a pretty violent fight he got in with another cadet at the Academy- it's not particularly graphic though.

Now that Skywalker had decided they weren’t going to murder each other if given lightsabers and the excuse to hit each other their saber lessons picked up.  Harrand hadn’t made a reappearance, but the twins told Hux he’d been moved to their class.  Their most recent sparring session had started shortly after dinner and continued until it got too dark to see.

“You’re both doing extremely well.” Luke told them as they racked their training sabers.  “I’ll see you both in two days for our next session.  Now you’d better get back to the dorm.  It’ll be lights out soon.  Ben, can you stay behind a moment?”

So Hux headed to his room alone.  He took a quick shower just to get the sweat off his skin and had just changed into his pajamas when someone requested entry.  Ben, the Force told him, so he opened the door.  Ben strode in still in his workout clothes and grinning hugely in that way that made his whole face …softer somehow.  He had the documents on lightsaber construction with him.

“What-” Hux began to ask, but Ben cut him off.

“Uncle Luke said I should give these to you once I was done with them.”  Ben held out the books and datadiscs.  “He only has the one copy of the books, but he thinks you’re ready to start thinking about making your own saber too.”

Hux took the documents from Ben. “Really?” he asked.  He set the books and discs carefully on his desk.

“Really,” Ben said.  He was still grinning infectiously.  Hux couldn’t help but smile back as he went and sat on his bed.

“I just didn’t think it would be so soon,” Hux admitted.  “I mean, we had another training _accident_ today.”

“Hey hey!” Ben protested. “That really was an accident!”  He stomped over and flopped down next to Hux. “Besides it wasn’t nearly as bad.  Let me see.”  He gestured for Hux to give him his hand.

Hux complied.  Ben had grazed the back of Hux’s fingers with his saber today.  It really hadn’t been bad at all.  They hadn’t even stopped training, and the red mark was almost gone already. 

Ben nodded in satisfaction at the nearly faded mark, before his brow furrowed and he twisted Hux’s hand sideways to get a better look at it.  “What happened to your knuckles?” Ben asked.  He prodded the little white scars dotting Hux’s knuckles.

“The Academy had some pretty strict bacta use policies.  They weren’t going to waste it on split knuckles.”

Ben hummed.  “You picked fights?”

“Yes- well, someone picked fights with me.”  Ben took his other hand and examined those knuckles too.  Ben didn’t ask, just watched him with puzzled dark eyes and waited.  So Hux told him.  “There was this boy in my year- Sears Cabroa.  He was… a rathtar would be more pleasant company.  Probably more intelligent too.  He was big- bigger than you- and dumb and mean and last year he decided I was his favorite punching bag.”

Ben glanced down at Hux’s hands.  “No one told him the ones in the gym didn’t hit back?”

Hux laughed.  “I guess not.  For almost two months we got into physical fights nearly every day.  It was… really bad actually.  He’d corner me in out of the way places…”

“Your dad didn’t do anything?”  Ben asked.  “He runs the school right?”

Hux nodded. “He didn’t do anything until- it kept escalating.  He broke my nose, so I broke two of his fingers… shit like that.  The last fight he had a pipe.  I’ve no idea where he got it.  It was about a half-meter long and fairly thin.  Which was good because he hit me in the face with it.”

“What?!”

 “He actually cracked my skull,”  Hux said.  He freed a hand and pressed his fingers against his cheek just below the outer edge of his right eye, feeling the bone.  “Right there.  It was only a hairline fracture.   I didn’t even get a concussion, but it hurt terribly.”

Ben looked horrified.

“It wasn’t that bad,” Hux insisted.  “My eye swelled shut and I had some really impressive bruises- but you should have seen Cabroa.”

“What happened?” Ben prompted.

“I went down when he hit me.  But I recovered quickly enough that when he moved in to hit me again I kicked his legs out from under him.  We wrestled for the pipe- I re-broke some of his fingers to get it.  He’d hit his head when he fell- but when he tried to get up I hit him across the face with the pipe.  That broke his nose pretty badly.  Bad enough that they couldn’t set it right.  That or the fall also gave _him_ a concussion and-"

Hux stopped.  Up until this point Hux felt he’d been within his right to fight back.  What happened next though…

Hux bit his lip. “I was so exhausted,” he tried to explain. “He’d been ambushing me for weeks.  I never started these fights.  And I was still trying to keep up in class and I’d come home covered in bruises and bleeding and my parents would just _ignore_ it.  I just wanted him to stop.”

“Hux,” Ben said gently.  “What happened?”

“I sat on his chest, laid the pipe across his throat, and pushed as hard as I could.”  Hux admitted.  “And when he started turning blue I leaned in and told him if he ever touched me again I’d strangle him with his own intestines.”

“And then you were declared the scariest person in the entire school?” Ben said.  He squeezed Hux's left hand, which he still hadn't let go of. 

It made Hux laugh, and some of his worry left him.  “No.  Then I got yelled at for injuring him badly enough he had to go in a bacta tank but not outright killing him.”

“ _Wow_.”  Ben said.  “Hux that’s- your dad’s an asshole.”

“I know.  Apparently funerals are less expensive than a dip in a bacta tank.  But it worked- he kept it to nasty remarks after that, and I started sniper training around that time.  Once my scores got leaked most people didn’t fuck with me.”

“Why’d he single you out?”  Ben asked.

Hux shrugged. “We were in the mess hall during lunch one day and he was being an ass,” Hux explained.  “He was picking on me- because of my father maybe?- saying all these terrible things about how I was probably having sex with all my teachers and how I must love bending over for everyone… so finally I told him to stop telling the whole hall about my ass.  They didn’t want to know all about his sexual fantasies.”

Ben let out a short bark of laughter. 

Hux smiled. “Most of the other students thought that was hilarious- but he apparently felt I’d crossed a line.”

“So he just beat you up every day?” Ben asked.  “No one did anything?”

“Nope.” Hux laid back, his feet still hanging off the edge of the bed. “The Academy kind of sucks Ben.”

Ben laid back too. “I guess so.”  Hux pouted at him.  “What?”

“You’re all sweaty still.” Hux pointed out.  “Go bathe.”

“Never,” Ben protested.  “Whatcha gonna do? Kick me out?”

Hux shook his head. “Can’t.  Too tired.  I’ll kick you out tomorrow I guess.”

Hux yawned, and then Ben yawned right on his heels.  “Ok,” he said.  He nudged Hux over to lay on the bed properly and then laid down beside him.

“Lights off.”  Hux called sleepily.  He dropped off almost immediately after that, with Ben a warm weight beside him.

* * *

Ben woke up in the middle of the night with a strange aching pressure in his head.

He stared blearily at Hux, asleep beside him.  Without thinking about it Ben reached out and gently rested his fingertips on Hux’s cheek.  Just below his eye-where his skull had been cracked.

_~An interesting story if true.~_

Ben bristled.  Snoke had been very quiet recently, though Ben had felt his presence more than usual.  It felt… not right somehow, to touch Hux while he was talking to Snoke, so he drew his hand away.

 _~You think he’s lying about getting beat up?~_ Ben asked.  It was a ridiculous idea.  Why would Hux lie?

 _~Oh no,~_ Snoke murmured. _~He has far more scars than can be seen with the naked eye.~_

That intrigued Ben despite himself.  How could Snoke tell that?  What was he looking for through the Force? …Could Ben see it too?  He caught a weird pleased undercurrent from Snoke, but couldn’t identify a specific thought.

_~I only mean I wonder if he’s as blameless as he claims.  After all you have hardly made many friends either, yet no one has ever slandered you by calling you promiscuous.~_

Ben wanted to protest, but it was true.  He’d spent time in various gambling dens with his dad and attended his share of society events with his mother.  He had heard comments about his appearance before, from drunks at both ends of the social scale.  But no one at school had ever said anything like that to him.

 _~It seems more likely to me there is some grain of truth in the other boy’s accusations,~_ Snoke said.  _~It’s a shame he doesn’t feel he can speak honestly with you about it.~_

Ben’s stomach churned. Had Hux been… involved with someone else?  He’d never _said_ anything about it.

 _~But how much has he told you of his past?~_ Snoke asked.  _~What secrets has he kept from you?~_

Hux shifted in his sleep, rolling onto his back and sighing deeply.  They were both on top of the covers still, and when Hux turned his shirt hiked up a bit- revealing a pale strip of Hux’s stomach. 

_~If nothing else he cannot be unaware of your regard for him.  You are not very subtle in your attentions.  And yet he will not acknowledge them.~_

Ben pulled his mind away from Snoke’s voice.  He stared at Hux’s hand, the way his fingers curled on the sheets between them.  Ben reached out and brushed his hand over Hux’s.  He carefully rolled away and got out of bed.  He crept out of Hux’s room, heading back to his own. 

* * *

Hux had been born and now lived on a rainy planet- but he had never seen a storm this bad.  He and Ben stood at the main dormitory door, looking out at the pounding rain.  Ben was leaning on the door panel to keep it open.

Another bolt of lightning struck the lightning rod atop the library. 

“So,” Hux said, after the roll of thunder.  “Classes are cancelled then.”

“Yep.” Ben said.  “Uncle doesn’t want any of us outside at all.  He’s already herded all the little kids into the common area.”

“So we can’t even go there.” Hux said, staring out at the pouring rain.

“Not if you don’t want to spend hours playing Slides and Lifts.”

“I have no idea what that is,” Hux admitted.  “I’m going to assume from context it’s some kind of children’s game.”

Ben looked absolutely flabbergasted. “You’ve never-“

“Oh WOW!” the twins said as they rounded the corner.

“We knew it was raining but it’s really coming down.” Tava said. Both girls stepped between Hux and Ben, leaning out the door just a little to watch the storm.

“We can’t even go to the library?”  Pava pouted.

“Uncle Luke said no.”  Ben said.

“You _could_.” Hux said.  “But considering the building’s been struck by lightning twice since Ben and I got here it’s inadvisable.”

Pava pouted.  “Maybe-”

There was a blinding flash and a deafening boom as lightning struck the main building.

Pava and Tava screamed and Ben jumped away from the door panel he’d been leaning on.  The door slid shut, leaving them all staring at the door in a now much quieter hall.

Tava coughed, breaking the awkward silence.  “Soooo cards? Sabacc? Anyone?”

“I am _not_ playing Sabacc with him.” Hux and Ben said at exactly the same time.

The twins started laughing. 

“That’s our gimmick!” Pava protested.

“Why?” Tava asked.  “Did something happen?”

“No,” Hux said.  “I just- it wouldn’t be a good idea.  All things considered.”

Ben nodded. “We’d kill each other,” Ben said.  They probably would.

“Another game then?” Pava asked.  “Pazaak?”

“I have some games on my datapad.”  Hux said.  “Dejarik. Chatta-ragul.  Quadrant.”

Ben rolled his eyes.  “Yeah none of us want to play any of those with you either.  You’ve already annihilated all the computer player in those games haven’t you?”

“Only Quadrant.”  Hux admitted.

“Well if you don’t want to play strategy games against Hux that leaves us with card games.”  Pava said.  “Unless you want to play 20 Questions or The Floor is Lava.”

“If we had any alcohol we could play a drinking game,”  Hux said, half-joking.  He was thinking about afternoon games played with contraband whiskey and people he could only almost call friends.  Whatever they wound up doing now would be better.

“Ha!” Tava said.  “Let’s just play one with water.”

“Water?” Hux asked.

“Last one to go to the bathroom wins,” Pava explained.  “We do it all the time at home.”

Hux’s eyebrow shot up. “This sounds like a terrible idea.”

“You thought it up,” Tava protested.

“I did not-”

“Are you scared you’ll lose?” Ben teased.

Hux shot him a look. “No,” he said immediately.

“You two go get the extra glasses and pitchers in the supply cupboard,”  Pava said.  “We’ll round up some other players.”

“Why us?” Ben protested. 

“Because you’re the one who knows how to pop locks with the Force Ben,” the twins said.

* * *

“I’m just saying it must be Force assisted,” Ben said.  He waved his hand at the lock on the supply cupboard.  It flashed green and the door opened.  “They can’t just always know what the other one’s going to say." 

Hux shrugged. “I think if you knew someone well enough you could do it without the Force.”

“Well I don’t,” Ben and Hux said at the same time.

Ben glared at Hux.  Hux grinned.

“You jerk,” they said together.  Then, immediately, “I hate you so much.”

Ben shoved Hux gently with the Force.  Hux laughed.

“How many glasses do we need?” Ben asked.

“I have no idea,” Hux admitted.  “Who knows how many people the twins will rope into this?  Eight?  Get eight glasses.”

Ben passed Hux the glasses and grabbed some pitchers too.

“Are we supposed to fill these?”  Hux asked.

Ben shrugged.  They headed back to the hall where the older kids’ rooms were.  The twins had managed to talk Jysa, Dendor and Harrand into playing.  The group was loitering about halfway down the hall, just before Harrand’s bedroom. 

“Thank you!” the twins said.  They took the pitchers and went to fill them up.  Once the twins were back they all sat down in the hall in a rough circle.  Ben sat on Hux’s right. Jysa sat on Hux’s other side, and the twins next to her, then Harrand, and then Dendor settled next to Ben.

“Who’s going first?” Ben asked.

“Remind me how this game works?” Harrand said sheepishly.

“ _Really?!_ ” the twins said.  And then Tava explained, “You say something you’ve never done, and if anyone’s done it they take a drink.  If no one else has done it you drink your whole glass.  If you can’t think of anything you drink your whole glass.  Last one to go to the bathroom wins.”

“So who’s going first?” Harrand asked.  The twins shrugged.

“Can I?” Hux asked. “I have a good one.”

“I guess,” the twins said.

Hux smiled.  “I’ve never been to Biscuit Baron.”

“How?” Ben asked as everyone else took a drink.  “How have you never been to a Biscuit Baron?”

“I spent all of my childhood either on the run or on secret military bases.  To quote _you_ , Solo, I wasn’t raised right.  _Drink_.” 

Jysa was next, she thought it over and eventually announced she’d never had dance lessons.  Ben was relieved when Tava, Pava, and Harrand took a drink with him.

They continued going around the circle, Harrand was the first to have to chug his glass after he said he’d never been in zero gravity before.

When it was Pava’s turn again she grinned at Ben and announced. “I’ve never been to Chandrila.”  Ben pouted, but took his drink.

“I’ve never met a Wookiee.” Tava said. 

“This is discrimination.” Ben said as he took another drink.

Harrand’s natural shit-eating grin got even wider as he took his turn. “I’ve never been to the Republic Senate.”

So began a circuit and a half of statements almost exclusively tailored to make only Ben drink- at least Hux’s ‘I’ve never learned Binary’ caught Jysa too.

“I never knew you all were such _jerks_ ,” Ben said on his turn.  He wasn’t really angry though, he was having fun, and after that they laid off him.

Hux’s next one was about food he’d never tried, and Jysa and the twins followed suit.

“I’ve never kissed anyone,” Harrand said.  He was grinning like this was a great question.  Ben supposed it was, if your aim was to embarrass everyone.

The twins groaned and then only Tava took a drink.  Wasn’t _that_ interesting?  He glanced at Hux-

 _Hux_ was taking a drink.

Ben felt like he’d been kicked in the stomach. Who?  No one here, he hated everyone here, and he didn’t know anyone on Vessa.  So back at the Officer’s Academy then?  Snoke had said- but no, Snoke had no real way of knowing.  Hux would have told him if he’d done… things. Right?

“Ben _go_.”  Jysa prompted.  Ben started.  Everyone was looking at him expectantly.  He’d completely missed Dendor’s question.

“I’ve never had a boyfriend,” Ben said.  He did not look at Hux. “Or girlfriend,” he added.

There was another round of groans from the twins and again Tava but not Pava took a drink.  So did Dendor and Jysa, but Ben was only really paying attention to Hux.

Hux picked up his cup- and stopped.  He stared at his water thoughtfully.  What he was thinking Ben had no idea, Hux wasn’t projecting.  Finally he set the cup down without drinking.

Ben almost asked, but what if he had had a boyfriend before?  Or a girlfriend?  He didn’t actually know.  What if-

“I’ve never set off fireworks,” Hux said.

“Why was your childhood awful!?!”  Tava asked after everyone but Hux took a drink.

Hux shrugged.

“I’ve never had sex,” Jysa said.  She was eyeing Hux- maybe Ben hadn’t been the only one to notice Hux’s indecisiveness.  Ben wanted to know Hux’s answer to that question, but he realized, he didn’t want anyone else to know.

But Hux didn’t touch his glass at all- neither did anyone else.

 _~I’ve never been in such an awkward situation.~_ Hux whispered in his head.  Ben didn’t smile.

Jysa chugged her glass, refilled it, and then Pava said, “I’ve never had alcohol.”  Hux , Ben and Dendor took a drink.

When it got to Dendor’s turn he seemed to have run out of ideas.  He hemmed and hawed a little before the twins asked him if he was skipping his turn.

“No I’ve got one!” he protested.  He looked around the hall like he was trying to find an idea written on the walls- and then his eyes settled on Hux.  “I’ve never killed anyone,” Dendor said.

Hux glared daggers at Dendor, who tried to match the intensity of Hux’s stare but fell short.

There was a long, incredibly awkward silence, everyone just sat there watching Hux and Dendor’s staring contest.  No one touched their glasses.

“It looks like you get to drink all of that,” Hux said eventually.

The strained silence continued as Dendor drank all his water and re-filled his cup.

Ben passed, draining his half-empty glass and not bothering to refill it.

“I’ve never been one to admit defeat,” Hux said. “But I’m afraid I’m going to have to bow out.”

Hux stood and left, heading off towards his room.

Ben didn’t even wait for Jysa’s question, he jumped up to follow Hux. 

“I’m out!” he called over his shoulder, abandoning the game.

Ben saw Hux duck into the refresher, but when Ben followed him in he was just leaning against the sink staring at his reflection in the mirror.  He met Ben’s eyes through their reflections.  “I see you were tired of awkward questions too.”

“I- Yeah.” Ben wanted to ask who Hux had kissed, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

“You want to go play hologames?” Hux asked.

“Yes.”  Ben agreed.

* * *

It was a few hours later when Ben finally got around to asking Hux about the game.  They’d goofed around in Hux’s room.  Hux had tapped into the holonet and absolutely murdered some online players at Quadrant.  They’d tossed the Corellia ball around.  Eventually the kitchen droids had braved the storm to bring everyone sandwiches for dinner. He and Hux had gotten theirs and retreated back to Hux’s room, where Hux had dug out his stash of snack food his mom sent him to supplement the cafeteria food. 

The twins had stopped by a while ago and apologized for inviting Dendor to play. Hux had waved them off-“It’s not your fault he’s got the tact of a Bantha.”  After they left Hux plopped down next to Ben on the bed, he leaned back on his hands and sighed.

“Did you lie during the game?” Ben asked.

Hux scoffed. “Of course I did.  I wasn’t going to tell those kids the answers to some of those questions.  Didn’t you?”

“What did you lie about?” Ben asked.

Hux’s green eyes narrowed.  “Why does it matter?” he asked, sitting up slowly.

“I just want to know.” Ben pressed.

Hux frowned. “Well I don’t want to tell you.”

“Why _not_?”  Ben said, he was nearly shouting.

“Because it’s none of your business!” Hux replied, just as loud.  He crossed his arms like he was _~hiding something~_

Ben's patience frayed completely. “You _never_ talk about yourself!” he yelled.  “What are you hiding?!”

“I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone else.” Hux snapped.

Ben’s stomach clenched.  He knew Hux was right- he’d told Ben about Starkiller after all.

 _~That’s hardly personal though is it?~_ Snoke hissed. Ben didn’t know how long he’d been there.  _~He never tells you anything about_ himself _does he?~_

“What do you want me to do?” Hux asked.  “Let you poke around in my head so you know absolutely everything I’ve ever thought?”

“ _Yes_.” Ben wasn’t sure if he or Snoke said that first.

Hux froze.  He gaped at Ben, his eyes wide and almost scared.   “I-“

 _~He won’t tell you anything.~_ Snoke whispered.  _~I wonder why.~_ Hux’s mind was frustratingly silent.

“Ben…”

He didn’t want to hear it. “I’m sick of your excuses!”  Ben shouted.

He stormed away, out of Hux’s room and down the now deserted hall.  He was nearly to his own door when he heard Hux coming after him.

“Ben!”

He wheeled on Hux.  “ _What?_ ” he snarled. 

Hux didn’t step back, because he never ever did- but for the first time in…ever he looked like he wanted to. “Fine,” he said softly.

Ben paused.  His brows furrowed. “Fine?”  He didn’t mean-

“You can look through my head,” Hux said- something in his tone reminded Ben of the way Hux acted around Dendor and Harrand, people he hadn’t dropped the ‘Good Imperial Boy’ act for.

Ben wasn’t sure what to say.  He hadn’t really expected Hux to agree.  Snoke was silent now, though Ben could feel his presence still.

“Good.” Ben said finally.  This was what he wanted.  This was good.

Hux bit his lip.  “Tomorrow evening?”

It might be a diversion tactic- but Ben thought about it.  They didn’t really have time tonight- Hux was right, tomorrow evening was the best time.

“Fine.”  Ben said.  He wheeled and headed towards his room, leaving Hux behind him.

“Goodnight Ben.”  Hux said softly, uncertainly.

Ben stopped in his doorway.  He was still mad at Hux, but…

“’Night Hux,” he muttered before slipping into his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All the games I list in this chapter are or were canon- except Slides and Lifts. That's just Space Chutes and Ladders. Quadrant's some kind of strategy game involving moving ships and weapons around to destroy all your opponent's forces, so of course that one's Hux's favorite.
> 
> Biscuit Baron is also a real thing. I may have sent a string of caps-locked texts to my sister shouting about SPACE MCDONALDS when I learned that.
> 
> The I've Never Scene and the fight after were some of the last things I wrote for this fic. For a while I was actually afraid I'd wind up with a complete fic except for a section that just said *I'VE NEVER GAME/FIGHT GOES HERE* in the middle. I'm actually pretty happy with it, considering how long it took me to get down. The actual last thing I wrote is next chapter- you can probably guess what it is.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some of you might have noticed the fic lost a chapter- it didn't really, I just cut the original chapter 13 up and stuck it on this chapter and the next. It's a good change I promise.
> 
> Content Warning: There's off-screen domestic violence this chapter. And some implied murder of a character we've never met before. Isn't Hux's childhood fun?

“You don’t have to do this,” Ben said suddenly.  He hadn’t meant to say anything at all but Hux had been tense all day, and now that they’re actually doing this- tramping out into the damp fields so that they could break the rules in privacy- he could feel Hux’s anxiety twisting all through the Force around them. 

Hux glared at him.  “You’re the one who wanted to do this in the first place,” he snapped, and pointedly kept walking.

“I did,” Ben admitted.  “I do.”  Because he really did.  He wanted to know everything about Hux. “But you’re-”

Hux stopped.  “I said I’d do this.  I meant it.  I’m not going to change my mind.”

 _But you’re terrified._ Ben thought.  It’s true, Hux was scared- about what exactly Ben didn’t know but he was stiff and awkward from the effort of holding himself still.

“We’re far enough away aren’t we?” Hux asked as they entered a small bald patch where a large flat rock laying almost level with the ground kept the grass from invading.

Ben nodded and Hux dropped down onto the rock immediately.  Ben sat too.  The grass concealed them completely and the rock was much drier than the ground.  They both settled down with their legs crossed, knees brushing.  Physical contact made it worse, Ben felt Hux’s anxiety curling in his own stomach and caught the uppermost thoughts in Hux’s head.  _You promised to do this.  You_ have _to. Maybe he won’t hate you._

Ben shook his head to clear those thoughts away.

“Ready?” he asked. 

Hux shut his eyes and breathed in slow familiar rhythm.  _He’s doing the breathing exercises I taught him._   Ben realized. 

“Yes.”

Ben reached out and gently took Hux’s head in his hands.

The initial push was easy enough, it wasn’t any different from their usual thought sharing.  Ben stayed on Hux’s surface thoughts for a bit, feeling Hux’s anxiety and tension.  He waited a bit to see if Hux would relax- but he didn’t seem to be getting any calmer so Ben let himself sink deeper.

He wasn’t looking for memories,that would take too long.  He wanted thoughts, or better yet feelings.  If he could get to those he could feel out which ones Hux had for him- if he had any for anyone else. 

But memories were slippery things, and one flitted in Ben’s way as he passed most of them by.

_Father- Hux’s father- was striding down a long hall at the First Order Academy.  Hux was trying his best to keep pace, but had to nearly run to match his father’s speed.  Hux was thirteen years old, but looked so much younger.  Nearly a foot shorter than he would be at fifteen and so so small.  Without the height younger Hux just looked thin, underfed._

_“You’ll be in the Advanced Math class starting tomorrow.” Hux’s father was saying._

_“Yes sir.”_

_Hux’s father stopped abruptly, and watched with obvious displeasure as Hux skittered to a stop before straightening up into military posture.  “You will of course comport yourself appropriately and you had_ better _maintain you grades.”_

_“Yes sir,” Hux echoed. He was digging his nails into his palms where they were tucked behind his back, out of his father’s sight._

_The elder Hux sighed.  “I suppose I should be grateful you turned out to be good at something, considering you’ll never have any real physical prowess.”_

_Hux ducked his head enough to bite him lip without it being obvious, and stayed quiet._

_“_ Chin up _, Armitage.” His father snapped, “I’ve told you a thousand times.”  Hux immediately stopped biting his lip and jerked his face up toward his father.  “Useless boy.”_

The memory slipped away then.  Ben was glad it had.  Hux’s father was… he’d said Hux’s name wrong.  ‘Tidge’ as the last syllable instead of ‘taj’ like Hux and his mother said.  It might be a difference in accents- but it had bothered Hux, Ben had felt that.

Ben put the thought away, he could ask later, and dug down deeper into Hux’s mind.

That’s when he noticed it.  There was something that seemed to glow gold to Ben’s senses, Hux had it tucked away but Ben followed the reflections of it, eventually finding a glowing ball of feelings- a tangled up ball of emotions Hux had tucked away.  And it was about _him_.

Ben reached out toward the tangle, and ran straight into a barely contained strand of anxiety.

_Hux knew he was going to ruin this as he ruined so many things.  He would do or say something too strange and Ben would find out what kind of person he really was and want nothing to do with him.  Ben was too good and normal for him.  He was broken, he knew.  A fucked up mess of a person- Ben knew it too, but not how much, not how terrible he was._

Ben followed the anxiety down to the brilliant core of these feelings.

The bright coil of Hux’s deep affection broke around him like a wave.

_If Ben knew he would never love Hux back._

Oh.

Well he was an absolute idiot.

Ben pulled gently away from Hux’s feelings- they seemed to cling to him as he retreated back up toward the surface of Hux’s mind.

Another memory drifted across Ben’s path, he couldn’t avoid it.

_Hux sat at his tiny desk.  He was at his father’s home on Narrytt. It was late, but Hux was not sleeping.  He couldn’t._

_His father and Maratelle were arguing. The walls of the apartment were thin enough that Hux could hear them shouting but not exactly what they were saying._

_Hux didn’t dare turn on music or make any noise to drown out the sound.  Thin walls worked both ways, and if his father heard it he might be angry._

_Maratelle’s voice pitched up- and then suddenly there was a loud thud and she fell silent.  His father was still yelling._

_Hux pulled up his school project folders and found the one for his newest project. Starkiller- probably a dramatic name but he liked it, and if he could work out how to contain the solar energy efficiently it would be worthy of-_

And then Snoke was there, so suddenly Ben was again unsure if he’d ever really been alone.  The thought was even more unsettling this time- _Ben_ shouldn’t have been poking around in Hux’s head. _Snoke_ had no right to be here.

Snoke was very interested in this memory- too interested.  Ben felt him tug at Hux’s memory, looking for others about the same thing-

Ben pulled back, not just from the memory but all the way out of Hux’s head.  It was too abrupt, and the Force snapped back painfully, though Ben managed to bear the brunt of the backlash.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, dropping his hands.

Hux rubbed his temples.  “What hap-”

“I’m so sorry,” Ben said. He had a headache too.  Hopefully Hux’s wasn’t too bad.  “I had no business being in your head like that.”

Hux looked up at him.  “I told you you could,” he said.

“I shouldn’t have even asked you to do this,” Ben protested. “It wasn’t- I’m sorry.”

Snoke’s still there, his annoyance ringing through Ben’s thoughts.  Hux looked shaken and ill and Ben hated himself and _Snoke_.  Snoke’s the reason why he did this.  He was the one who had pushed Ben to go poking around in Hux’s head- by feeding off worries Ben now knew were completely baseless. 

Ben remembered that bright twisted feeling he’d felt in Hux’s head.  Hux _loved_ him.  But the feeling was all tied up with his own ingrained anxieties and a nearly paralyzing fear of somehow ruining their relationship.

And now Ben might have fucked everything up.

Snoke started to say something- but Ben was angry, so angry.  He wanted Snoke gone.

It _hurt_ when he pushed Snoke out of his head this time.  Badly enough that he doubled over dry heaving.

“Oh shit. Ben, you ok?”   Hux asked.

Ben nodded, but Hux didn’t look convinced at all.

Hux stood and hauled Ben up too. He could stand, barely.  Hux wrapped an arm around his waist to keep him up.“Come on.”

* * *

Hux dragged Ben across campus.  He bypassed the medcenter and headed instead to the cottage behind the main building where Luke Skywalker lived in.  He counted it as another worrying point that Ben didn’t protest this at all. 

Skywalker must have sensed them coming, he met them on the porch and helped Hux maneuver Ben inside.  “What happened?” he asked.

“We were practicing mindreading,” Hux lied, it was close enough to the truth.  “I don’t know what happened, he pulled away really abruptly, and it hurt.  But he’s…”

Ben was in far worse shape than Hux, which made no sense.  They’d been in _his_ head, if something went wrong shouldn’t _he_ have the crippling headache?

Skywalker sighed and they deposited Ben in a chair at the kitchen table.  That’s where they are, Hux realized.  He’d never been inside the cottage before.  The door opened straight into a pretty little pale blue kitchen with white appliances.  Hux could see a small living room off to the side- the furniture was mostly tan.

“Sit.” Skywalker told Hux. “How’s your head?”

Hux sat.  “I have a headache, but I’m alright.”  He also felt a little sleep drunk, truth be told, but that was all nothing compared to Ben. “I’m alright.”

Luke nodded.  He went and rifled through one of his cupboards briefly.  He tossed Hux a small drawstring bag.  “Open that and breathe deeply.”

Hux did as Skywalker asked.  The bag was full of dried leaves and wood chips, and smelled like it.

Meanwhile Luke had pulled up a chair next to Ben.  He turned his nephew to face him and took Ben’s head in his hands.  Hux sat there and smelled his leaves while Skywalker frowned at Ben.  He felt the Force moving between them, and then Ben sighed with relief.

“How’d you get in such a mess?” Luke asked quietly.

Ben winced and shrugged.  “Hux is ok, though,” he croaked, like that was an answer.

Luke sighed, “We talked about this Ben,” he said, and then turned to Hux. “Feeling better?”

Hux realized his headache was completely gone. “Yes.”

Luke took the bag from Hux and passed it over to Ben.  Ben leaned over the bag breathing deeply. 

Skywalker focused on Hux again, turning his chair to face him.  “May I?” he asked, holding out a hand toward Hux’s face.

Hux nodded.

Luke didn’t actually touch him, but Hux felt the feather light brush of Luke’s presence against his thoughts.  There, but not deep enough to read anything. 

Like this Hux could sense the ebb and flow of the Force through Luke.  His attention caught on Ben, who’s energy felt slightly wrong still- but with every breath he look it flowed more evenly. _~ You both messed up your internal Force balance.~_ Luke told him.   _~Ben’s was much worse though.~_

Skywalker pulled away, taking Hux’s heightened Force sense with him.  “You seem alright now,” Luke said.  “Feeling better Ben?”

Ben nodded.

“What’s in the bag?” Hux asked.

Skywalker smiled.  “In the center courtyard of the Jedi Temple on Coruscant there was a Great Tree that thrummed with the Force.  When the Emperor took over after the purge he cut down the tree and made the temple his palace.  But two cuttings from the tree survived.  I recovered then shortly after the Fall of the Empire.  One is planted on Yavin, the other is over by the library.  I’ve found the dried leaves and bark from the tree are a good way to even out internal Force imbalances.”

“I thought that tree was waaay older,” Ben said.  Hux relaxed minutely, glad Ben was well enough to actually speak again. “It’s giant.”

“It grew very fast, as did the one on Yavin.  You’ve seen that one Ben, the one in the Dameron’s yard?”  For some reason that made Ben blush.  Luke continued like he hadn’t noticed. “They’re both about the same age you are.”

* * *

They escaped the cottage soon after.  Uncle Luke scolded them- him mostly- on the dangers of poking around in people’s heads too much, and admonished them to take it easy for a few days.  They nodded solemnly and headed back toward the dorms.  Once they were out of Uncle Luke’s sight Ben sidestepped and wrapped an arm around Hux’s shoulder.  Hux leaned against him.  He didn’t speak but Ben could feel the sense of relief coming from him. 

They went to Hux’s room.  Hux sat heavily on his bed- and tugged on Ben’s arm until Ben sat next to him, their shoulders brushing.  Hux leaned against his shoulder.  Ben had no idea what to do.  He finally, tentatively, reached up and ran his hand through Hux’s hair.

Hux sighed.  And Ben’s stomach churned.  He remembered the edges of that bright twisted up feeling he’d felt in Hux.

“Hux,” Ben heard himself say.  “Do you like …boys?”  He winced internally, that hadn’t been quite what he wanted to ask.

Hux pulled away and Ben nearly apologized, but Hux only turned to face him, crossing his legs.  Ben shifted too, mirroring Hux’s pose so they sat knees almost touching on Hux’s bed.

“I don’t know,” Hux said.  “Yes? I guess… I guess I never really thought about it.  I- you have to understand how the Order works.  It was just, expected.  That I would marry some woman and father children, whether I wanted them or not.  The Order needs children.”  He said _that_ like it was a slogan of some kind.

“That’s …sad.  And pretty creepy.” Ben said.

Hux huffed softly.  It’s not quite a laugh but Ben counted it a victory anyway. 

“So I just… never considered it.  Because the marriage and kids were going to happen anyway, whether I wanted it to or not, but- I-“

Hux met his eyes.  He took a deep breath. “I like you,” he said.  He reached out and took one of Ben’s hands.  “I like you a lot.”

Ben felt like his head was full of static.  He squeezed Hux’s hand back and swallowed.  “I-I like you too.”

Hux smiled shyly.  “I- that’s good.”

Ben smiled too- grinned really- and reached out to grab Hux’s other hand and threading their fingers together.  He could feel the Force flowing around and through them. It pulsed warm and soothing through Hux’s hands and into Ben, curling up in his chest.  Hux met his eyes, and Ben knew he could feel it too.  Ben reached out mentally for Hux.  Hux’s mind met his, full of warm happy thoughts and an underlying current of deep affection that Ben realized had probably always been there, he just hadn’t noticed.  Ben tried to send those feeling right back to Hux.

Hux was tired.  Ben felt it through their link.  Very tired.  Not surprising really, it had been a long day.  Ben was pretty tired himself.  “You should rest,” he said.

Hux frowned like he wanted to argue- but then he yawned hugely.  Ben chuckled as Hux let go of his hands to cover his mouth.

“Alright,”  Hux said sheepishly.  “…Will you stay with me?”

Ben’s mouth went dry. “Um…”

Hux groaned and whacked his arm.  “Not like that!  Just - stay here.  With me. To sleep.”

Ben grinned. “You want me to sleep with you?”

Hux Force-threw one of his sandals at Ben.

Ben didn’t bother to deflect it.  Hux hadn’t throw it hard.  He laughed instead as it bounced off his arm.  “Using your powers for evil already!  Lay down,”  he added.  “I’ll stay.”

* * *

Hux woke up in the middle of the night with his head pressed to Ben’s shoulder.  He was on his side with his arms folded across his chest.  One of Ben’s arms was thrown around his waist.  Ben’s hand was clenched in the fabric of his shirt. 

Ben was whispering. Very very quietly. _“It’s not like that.  You’re one to talk.  I don’t-”_

“Ben?”  He asked, still more asleep than awake.  “Whasit?’ 

Ben’s eyes were unfocused, and his mouth was turned down in discomfort. “It’s nothing.”

He was lying.  “It’s Snoke,” Hux said.  He recognized Ben’s distant look.

Ben nodded reluctantly, wincing as he did.  It made Hux angry just looking at that expression on Ben’s face.

Hux butted his head gently against Ben’s cheek.  ~ _Well tell him to leave.  It’s the middle of the night and you’re tired.~_ He was just barely brushing Ben’s mind- just enough to send his thoughts to him. 

Ben sighed. ~ _Go back to sleep.~_

 _~No.  If you’re awake I’m awake.~_ Hux thought stubbornly.  It sat poorly with him that Snoke was bothering Ben now, when Ben was tired and needed sleep.

He felt Ben’s amusement and faintly, something else’s annoyance.  Hux must have slipped deeper into Ben’s head than he’d intended if he could feel Snoke’s presence. 

_~It’s fine.~_ Ben told him.  He meant it.  Hux wondered if they were both sliding deeper than they meant because of what had happened that evening.  Ben heard the thought and agreed that might be why.  They’d need to be more careful, at least for a while.

Hux was aware of the other presence in Ben’s mind but only vaguely.  It was like Ben was a twisting hall, and Snoke was just around a corner, out of sight but near enough Hux could sense echoes of him.  Snoke had never spoken directly to Hux before.  Only Ben.  Curiosity got the better of him and Hux felt his way toward the place in Ben’s mind where Snoke was. 

Hux brushed again Snoke’s presence. He sensed nothing, nothing from Snoke anyway.  Ben seemed-

An ice-cold bolt of anger-laced power hit Hux and threw him out of Ben’s mind all together.  Ben cried out and Hux was knocked flat on his back, gasping.  If he hadn’t been on the side of the bed up against the wall he thought he might have actually been knocked off the bed altogether.  Ben sat up and appeared to be snarling under his breath.  Hux couldn’t breathe, his lungs felt frozen. He wheezed out short breaths and tried to rub the feeling back into his chest.

“Hux?” Ben leaned over him looking worried.  He laid his hands on Hux’s chest.  They were so warm.  The feeling crept back in to his lungs.

“Are you alright?”  Hux coughed.

Ben snorted.  “I’m fine. Are _you_ alright?  I only got a secondhand sense of that but it felt bad.”

“I’m alright,” Hux said.    “I guess I shouldn’t have done that.”

Ben scowled.  “ _He_ shouldn’t have done that,” he growled.  “You didn’t do anything wrong Hux.  I’m sorry that happened.  Really you didn’t.   If he didn’t want to talk to you he could have just _not_ …  I kicked him out.” Ben added apologetically.

The last of the tension eased out of Hux’s chest.  “I’m fine.  It didn’t really hurt.  It was just… unpleasant.”  It had felt like his chest was frozen solid for a few seconds.

Ben looked guilty now, so Hux grabbed him and pulled him down into a hug. 

“Why do you talk to him at all?” Hux asked.

Ben pulled away.  He rolled over, away from Hux.  “I don’t have any other friends.”

“I’m your friend right?”   Hux asked.  “Or where you lying about being my friend?”  

Ben started.  “I- no.  We…You’re my friend.” Ben mumbled. “But just you.”

Hux scoffed.  “Rey’s your friend.”

“She’s my sister.”

“It still counts,”  Hux insisted.  He sat up.  “Your family doesn’t have to be your friends.  Harrand’s said you were friends.”

“Harrand’s not my friend!” Ben snapped.  He sat up too, pouting angrily at Hux.  “Not anymore."

“The twins are your friends-”

“The twins don’t like me.  They like you.”

“They like you too!  They wouldn’t put up with you if they didn’t!”  Hux insisted.  “If you ever tried you’d have other friends.  You _do_ have other friends, you’re just pretending you don’t.”

Ben shook his head. “They can all sense that I’m different.  They’re afraid of me.  You’re the only one who isn’t.”

“Who told you that?” Hux asked.  “Did you read all their minds and find that out?”

“No.”  Ben admitted, there’s a waver in his voice.  Like he was trying to convince himself of what he’s saying.  “Not all of them.  But Snoke said they…”

 “Ben,”   Hux murmured.  “Look at me.”

Ben did.  His big dark eyes were sad.  Hux took his hand.

“Why does he want you to be alone?” 

Ben flinched and Hux squeezed his hand.  “Just, I’m not telling you what to do.  I can’t _make_ you do anything.  I _wouldn’t_ make you do anything.  But it seems like everything Snoke says to you is just stuff to drive you away from other people.”

Ben didn’t say anything.  He looked hunted and tired.  Hux was tired too.  He felt like he’d been tired forever.  He hugged Ben.  Ben clung back, hiding his face in Hux’s hair.  Ben’s breaths were harsh and stuttery against Hux’s chest.  Hux stroked Ben’s hair.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Hux said.  He laid down and tugged Ben down with him.  “This can wait until morning.”

“Ok,” Ben said curling up with Hux again. “I- ok.”

* * *

Ben woke up to a faceful of red hair.  Hux must have rolled over in the night, and Ben was now pressed up against Hux’s back.  His hands are wrapped around Hux’s middle. 

“Good morning.” Hux murmured, he threaded their fingers together.  “How are you feeling?”

Ben shrugged. “My head hurts a little still,” he admitted.

Hux rolled over to face him.  Those sharp green eyes examined him intently.  Hux’s presence nudged gently against his mind, trying to read Ben’s feelings.  Ben sent him back silent reassurances.

“What’s wrong?” Hux said.  “Besides the headache, I _know_ there’s something else.”

“It’s stupid.”  He really shouldn’t even still care.

“Tell me anyway.”

“Have you ever…” Ben made a vague gesture at the two of them lying on Hux’s bed, turned toward each other with their knees just brushing. “…with someone else?”

Hux regarded him thoughtfully- and then all at once his face cleared and he was almost smiling when he asked. “Is that what you really wanted to know yesterday?  You could have just asked.  I would have teased you unmercifully but I would have told you eventually.”

Ben felt deeply embarrassed.  It was obvious now that he’d over-reacted to a bunch of things.  “I’m sorry. Snoke-”

Hux scoffed and shoved Ben onto his back.  Before Ben could react beyond a startled ‘oof’ Hux pressed himself against Ben’s side, and rested his chin on Ben’s shoulder.

“Has it occurred to you,” Hux murmured in his ear.  “That you know a lot more about me than Snoke does?”

Ben looked at Hux- ready to spout more apologies because there can never ever be enough.  But Hux looked so happy. Content.  The apologies died on his lips.  Hux’s right hand crept up to play with Ben’s hair.  Ben sighed, some tension easing away under Hux’s fingers.

Hux was looking at his hand as if it had personally betrayed him.  Ben couldn’t help but laugh.

It wasn’t until Ben felt Hux’s surge of joy that he realized they’d drifted into each other’s heads again.  He almost pulled away-but then Hux was speaking to him in his mind, passing images along with the words.

 _~I knew a boy my first year at the Academy.~_ Ben saw him.  Sandy blond curls and dark eyes.  He had sun-tanned skin and was taller than Hux.  This Hux was the impossibly petite version, like in the other memories Ben had seen. 

_~We had math together and were too smart for the class_.~  Ben watched the pair of them trade whispers and looks in the back of the crowded classroom.

 _~His name was Sheev. Poor bastard.  His parents were_ those _type of Imperials.~_   Ben had no idea what Hux meant but he caught the edge of a feeling- contempt at something overly dramatic.

 _~He kissed me once.  In the courtyard during lunch.~_   Ben saw that too.  They were standing in the shade of a building talking quietly.  Then Sheev took Hux’s hand and tugged him close enough to plant a soft closed mouth kiss on Hux’s lips.

Ben was immediately consumed by jealousy. Which he was also totally projecting, because Hux’s amusement washed over him. 

_~My father saw us- or someone told him- because we both got called in for a lecture about ‘doing our duty to the Order despite our predilections.’~_

Ben didn’t get to see the lecture, but Hux did show him afterwards.  They were leaving his father’s office and Hux felt sick to his stomach, but then Sheev stepped close enough that the backs of their hands brushed, and he winked when Hux looked up at him.

 _~What happened then?~_ Ben asked.

 _~He died.~_ Hux said.

_~What??~_

_~We had survival training the next week.  He didn’t make it.  I don’t know what happened I wasn’t in his group.~_ Hux said.

_~Do you think your dad-~_

_~No. No, my father had a reputation from his time at the Imperial Academy- but there weren’t enough of us at the Order Academy.  The Order needs all the children it can get right now.  Cadets died-mostly in survival or combat training- but not from sabotage or anything like that. But I wouldn’t be surprised if his teammates were involved in his death.  Add that to the list of reasons I wanted to punch Cabroa.~_

Ben pulled his thoughts away enough to think over what Hux had told him in the privacy of his own head.  He was still jealous, but it seemed silly to begrudge a dead boy one kiss just because he’d gotten it before Ben did…

Hux was watching him, face and mind silent.

“I’m sorry.” Ben said, not quite sure what he was apologizing for.

Hux shrugged. “It’s fine.  It was a long time ago.”

They both fell silent again.

Ben groaned.  He couldn’t keep doing this.  He needed to know one way or the other.  He took a deep breath and rolled over, pushing Hux onto his back and landing on top of him.

“Ben-”

Ben kissed him.

Hux hummed and kissed him back.  But not for long, soon Hux pushed Ben up and back forcing him to scramble up until he was straddling Hux’s knees.  Hux followed him up, but before Ben could apologize or maybe just run away Hux took Ben head in both hands and kissed him again.

Ben didn’t hesitate to kiss back.  After a few soft kisses he managed to coax Hux’s mouth open and- and neither of them have any idea what they’re doing.  Their teeth clicked together painfully and when Ben pushed forward again he missed his mark entirely and wound up just licking at Hux’s bottom lip for a moment but he didn’t care and Hux was grinning when they connect properly that time so he must not care either. 

Someone knocked on the door.

Hux and Ben groan in unison and then Hux was pulling away and shoving Ben off his legs.

“Noooooooooooooooo.” Ben moaned, dragging the word out as long as he could.  He flopped down onto the bed, defeated.

Hux shushed him, but he was still red-faced and grinning when he answered the door.

“Rey?” Hux sounded bewildered. “What-”

“Hux do you know where Ben is?” Rey asked.  Ben can see her bouncing on her feet a little.  “I wanna have breakfast with him buuuut…”

Rey leaned against the doorframe as she spoke, allowing her to see behind Hux.  Ben locked eyes with his baby sister, and watched something positively unholy light in her eyes.

“I’m telling Mama.”  Rey announced.

Hux, the bastard, started laughing.

Ben stumbled out of bed, looking for his shoes.  “No you’re not!” he snapped.

“I am!” Rey grinned.  “Imma tell Uncle Luke too!” she said excitedly.

Ben pulled on a shoe and scoffed. “What’re you going to tell them? We weren’t-”

“You were having SEX!” Rey shouted.

Ben tripped over his own feet.  “What?! No we- Rey you don’t even know what sex is!”

Hux was laughing so hard he sat down right there by the door. 

“I do! It’s when you kiss laying down!” Rey said.  “I’m _telling_.”

She darted away down the hall.  Hux made a half-hearted grab at her but missed.

Ben swore under his breath and chased after her-leaving his other shoe behind.

* * *

When he got himself under control and could breathe again Hux got up, changed his shirt and put on his shoes.  He picked up Ben’s shoe and went to find the Solos.

He found them in the common room.  Ben was crouching down next to Rey.  He had an arm around her middle to keep her from running off.

“-so we weren’t having sex.  That’s not what sex is,” Ben said. "And I'm not going to tell you what it is either, ask Mom."

“Oh-kaaaayyyy,” Rey sighed.  “But you were in his room on his bed!”

“I was,” Ben said.  “I went to see him and that was the only place to sit.  You go see people you like right?”

“I was coming to see _you_ ,” Rey said.  “But you’re my favorite!  …Is Hux your favorite?”

Hux chuckled.

Ben and Rey looked up at him.  Rey waved, and Ben blushed furiously.

“Are we ready for breakfast?” Hux asked.

Rey nodded.  She turned back to Ben and leaned in to whisper _very_ loudly in his ear. “You can have more than one favorite you know.  I won’t be upset.”

Ben groaned.  He stood up and then scooped Rey up.  He slung her over his shoulder while she giggled hysterically the whole time. 

“Come on,” Ben said.  “It's getting late.  We should get to the cafeteria before they stop serving breakfast.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE SHIP HAS LANDED. I REPEAT THE SHIP HAS LANDED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. Fun Fact: In the rough draft the smooch was a few chapters later- but Ben is impatient so here we are.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Important question: I've been looking over the chapters I've already broken up, and I think I could break them up into longer chapters, though this would bring the total number of chapters down. So, eight more chapters most around 2500 words, or fewer chapters with word counts closer to 4000?

The shuttle that was supposed to be taking him home for break was late.  So he and Ben were sitting under the tree waiting for his ship to come in.  Hux had pulled up the Nightsinger Chronicles on his datapad, and now Ben was backseat gaming.

“Let me play!” he whined.

“No. You’ll get my character killed,” Hux said. “Besides it’s _my_ datapad.”

Ben groaned and laid his head on Hux’s shoulder. “You have the most boring playstyle imaginable Hux. Boooooooooored.”

Hux shoved him off one-handed. “I suppose you just charge in waving a sword around?”

“Yes.”

“See,” Hux said.  “That sounds boring to me.”

Ben groaned.

“If I’m so boring you can go do something else,” Hux told him.  Ben pouted and shook his head.  Hux ignored him and focused on his game.

Not five minutes later Ben shifted and rested his chin on Hux’s shoulder, pressing close enough that his nose dug into Hux’s cheek.

Hux tried to flinch away from the sudden contact- but Ben wrapped an arm around his waist and held him close.

“Ben what are you doing?” He couldn’t turn his head so he had to glare at Ben from the corner of his eye.

“Something else.” Ben said, and then he pressed a soft open-mouthed kiss to the corner of Hux’s jaw.

He twisted his head to return Ben’s kiss. 

Hux’s character died rather gruesomely, but he hardly cared.

“ _You_ got your character killed.” Ben murmured when they pulled apart.

“Shut up,” Hux said. 

“Make me,” Ben said.

“Alright.”  Hux set his datapad down and pulled Ben close.

* * *

Ben and Rey had been home for two days.  They hadn’t seen Mom at all, but Dad and Uncle Chewie were around. 

At breakfast that morning Dad made an announcement.  “Chewie and I’ll be gone for a few days,” he said.  “You two be good for your mom.”

Ben nodded idly and took another bite of eggs. 

Rey, still less used to Dad up and leaving, asked. “Where are you going?”

Dad smiled at her and started ticking places off on his fingers. “We need to swing by Corellia, then Endor and then we have a meeting on Vessa before heading back to Kash-”

Ben jerked up straight and swallowed his mouthful of eggs without chewing.  “Where on Vessa?” he croaked around the lump in his throat.

“Esterna,” Dad said.  “Ben you ok?”

Ben nodded and hurriedly drained his juice to clear his throat.  “That’s only, like, an hour away from Yarrum. Can you take me with you?” he asked.

“What’s in Yarrum?” Dad asked.

“That’s where Hux lives.”

 _“We could stop by after Endor and pick him up,”_ Chewie suggested.

“I guess,” Dad said uncertainly.  He turned to Ben.  “We’ll only be on Vessa a few hours, you think that’s worth the trip?”

Ben nodded.

“Go call your friend and see if he can meet you in Esterna kid, we’d be there in… four days” Dad said.  “If he can we’ll ask your Mom.”

Ben abandoned his plate and ran to his room to call Hux.

“Hi Ben, wha-”

“Huxhuxhuxhuxhux!”

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Yeessss?”

“If I was in Esterna in four days could you be there to?”  Ben asked.

“You’re serious?” Hux asked.

“Yeah!  My dad has to go there for- I don’t know, something.  It’s only for a few hours but we could hang out in town?” 

“Hang on,” Hux said.  And then he set his datapad _down_.

Ben waited impatiently, staring up at Hux’s ceiling for what felt like forever until Hux came back.

“Yes,” Hux said.

* * *

Convincing Mom hadn't been that hard,  Ben had commed her and only had to beg for a few minutes before Mom had sighed and told him to let her talk to Dad.

The comm ended five minutes later, and Dad gave him a thumbs up.

That night Ben called Hux.

Hux snickered when the holo feed started.  “Aren’t you a little old to need a fuzzy blanket?” 

Ben rolled his eyes and lifted up the corner of the pink and yellow flower-covered blanket draped over him.

Rey frowned in her sleep and whined slightly before rolling over away from the glow of the holo.

Ben dropped the blanket again.  “Dad’s off planet, and Mom’s been getting home really late,”  he explained without looking at Hux.  “Rey doesn’t like sleeping alone when it’s just us home.”

He expected Hux to snark at him some more, but when he looked up Hux was smiling at him. 

“That’s adorable,” Hux said.

Ben could feel himself blushing.

“I’ll have to save that information for blackmail purposes,” Hux added.

“Hux!”

Hux laughed at him again.  “What’s your mum working on?” he asked.

Ben sighed.  “First Order stuff actually,” he admitted.

The smile fell off Hux’s face.  “What First Order stuff?” he asked.

This was not what Ben had wanted to talk to Hux about, but he knew better than to try to change the subject now.  “I only know what I’ve overheard,” he said.  “Apparently there’s been a lot more First Order activity around the borderlands.  It looks like they’re scouting planets- though no one seems to know what for.  And there’s some new Supreme Leader or something?”

Hux made a face. “What?”

“Yeah, they’ve intercepted a couple of transmissions that mention him- but they have no idea who he is or where he came from.”

“I wonder if someone on the governing council seized power?”  Hux mused. 

Ben shrugged, “No idea.  But Mom’s all ‘I’ve got a bad feeling about this.’ So she’s been out of the house a lot.”

“‘Supreme Leader’ is a stupid title,”  Hux said firmly.  “It makes them sound like some sort of special menu item.”

Ben muffled his laughter with his hand.  Hux was smiling again.  “Are you still coming to visit?” he asked.

Ben nodded.  “Dad’ll be home the day after tomorrow.  He’s going to bring me- I’ll let you know exactly when then.”  He yawned.

“Good.”  Hux said.  “I should let you sleep,” he added. “It’s late over there.”

“I called you.” Ben reminded him.  It was morning on Vessa, Ben could see the sunlight streaming through the window behind Hux.

“Exactly,” Hux said.  “You’re irresponsible.  I’ll see you soon.”

“Right,” Ben said.  “Have a good day Hux.”

“Goodnight Ben.”

* * *

As soon as Hux arrived in Esterna he left the domestic port and headed for the interstellar one.  As he approached the giant building a rather serious issue immediately because apparent.

He messaged Ben.

Hux: Are you here yet?  I’ve no idea where you docked.

He didn’t get a reply. 

Steeling himself Hux plunged into the mass of rushing travelers and spacers.  The port had at least five floors and several wings.  Right, the bays were divided by ship class and size- he knew what size the Millenium Falcon was, that at least narrowed it down to the east wing.  Once he was in the right general area he wandered around a little, looking for any obvious signs of Ben.  He even tried to feel for him in the Force- but there were just too many people for him to pick up anything useful.  The effort actually made his head spin and his vision blur, forcing him to stop and rest against a wall.

When he could see again there was a Quarren leaning against the wall next to him, staring at him intently.  “Alright there?” the xeno asked.

“…Fine,” Hux said.  He skittered away from the Quarren, weaving between buildings and ducking into crowds until he was sure the alien wasn’t following him.

“’I’ll meet you at the port.’” Hux muttered under his breath as he skirted some kind of official kiosk.  “Where in the port Ben Solo you idiot?  A docking bay number would have been helpful.”

Should he ask an employee? He didn’t think they’d just give out docking bay information.

A Wookiee stepped into his path so abruptly Hux almost ran into him.   The Wookiee grunted something incomprehensible at him.

“Um,” Hux didn’t know what the Wookiee want- wait, was- “…Are you Chewbacca?”

The Wookiee nodded.

“Oh good. Do you know where Ben is?”

Chewbacca nodded again- and then picked Hux up, cradling him in his arms like he was a small child.

“I can walk,” Hux said stiffly.

Chewbacca growled something else, bounced Hux a little like he was being a fussy baby, and set off across the port.

* * *

“So you have no idea where he is?” Dad asked.

Ben shrugged.  “I’ll comm him, it’ll be fine.  He’s probably right outside anyway.”

But before he could get his datapad out Chewie was back from the Portmaster’s - carry Hux in his arms.

“Hux?” Ben jogged towards them. Hux didn’t look hurt and Chewie wasn’t upset.

Hux did look like he was going to die of embarrassment though.

“Ben,” Hux said.  Then he looked up at Chewie.  “Will you put me down now?”

Chewie crooned at Hux, then set him down.  Hux looked out of sorts- and nearly fell over when Chewie patted him on the head.

Ben steadied Hux with a hand on his elbow.  “Thanks for finding him Chewie,” he said.

“Yes,” Hux said in a deadpan voice. “ _Thanks_.”

 _“I like him.”_ Chewie said. _“He’s polite and small enough to lift easily.”_

Ben laughed, “You’re lucky he can’t understand you.”

Hux’s eyes narrowed immediately.  “Understand what?” he asked.

“Nothing!” Ben said.  “He said he likes you.”  Ben threw an arm across Hux’s shoulder.  “Let’s go-”

“Hold it!” Dad called.   He came up beside them. “Don’t run off yet kid.”

Ben groaned. 

Dad rolled his eyes, and then turned to Hux. “Han Solo,” he said, offering Hux a hand.

Hux shook his dad’s hand firmly.  “Armitage Hux.” _Sir_ , Hux almost added.  Ben could feel it on the tip of Hux’s tongue for a moment before he decided not to say it.

“Ben’s told me a lot about you,” Dad said.

Hux’s eyes immediately cut to him. “Like what?” he asked suspiciously.

Dad laughed.  He clapped Hux on the shoulder- Ben felt Hux’s concealed startlement.  “Our meeting isn’t for a few hours yet.  Let’s get lunch.”

Ben groaned again.

* * *

Han Solo may not be a Jedi.  He couldn’t read a mind if you laid it open for him- but someone didn’t last long in his line of work without being pretty damn good at reading body language.  The Hux kid was controlled- Imperial restraint and a closed-up nature Han thought was probably natural.  He was unfailingly polite and had that … false way of acting that most politicians did.   The fake attitude would be more convincing if Ben didn’t keep shooting the kid disbelieving and slightly jealous looks.

Leia had railed about this boy and his attitude, but Han didn’t see even a hint of what she was talking about until halfway through lunch when Ben started dismantling his sandwich.  Han was talking to Chewie, so the kid must have thought it was safe enough to drop the mask a little, because he gave Ben a look and asked. “Really? Sandwiches are too advanced for you?”

Ben grinned like- oh. Leia hadn’t mentioned that.  “Oh shut up,” he said fondly.  “Go back to your _soup_.  Who even eats soup for lunch?”

“I’ll not take abuse from someone who can’t eat a sandwich.”

Ben snorted. “Whatever you say Your Imperial Bitchiness.”

They sniped back and forth a little more before Hux noticed him watching and got quiet again.

As soon as they’re done with lunch Ben hauled Hux away.  Han shouted after the boys to meet them back at the docks in four hours.  Ben waved, and then just before they were out of sight he slipped an arm around the redhead’s waist.

Han sighed. “Leia’s not going to like that.”

 _“What?”_ Chewie asked.

Han smirked. “‘Your Imperial Bitchiness’ isn’t quite ‘Your Worship’ but it isn’t too far off.”

Chewie hummed. _“But Hux is an only child.  Who’s he going to kiss to make Ben jealous?”_

Han winced and Chewie started laughing at him.  “Very funny fuzzball.”

* * *

After they escaped his dad he and Hux wandered through the market browsing through various little shops and stalls.  It’s fun, even though they aren’t really doing much of anything.

And then, in a little toy store tucked in between a nightclub and an adult entertainment store- “How is this store even still in business?” Hux had asked when they noticed it.- Ben found the best thing he had ever seen.

“Hux,” Ben called.  “Hux look.”

Hux appeared at his elbow. “What?”

Ben held up the sticker pack he’d found.  The large round stickers each had a letter on them, along with an action and a little cartoony being- from a species starting with the same letter- performing the action.    He could only see Esk through Herf without opening the pack, but that was all he needed.

“Adorable.”  Hux said flatly. 

“Hux _look_.” Ben insisted, pointing at the ‘herf’ sticker.  Herf is for hugging, the sticker said, and on it a little Human was hugging a bright blue Hutt.  “The human has _red hair_.  You need them.”

“I most certainly do not,” Hux protested.

“They’re the perfect size for your bag!”

Hux looked scandalized. “I will never ever let any of those even touch my bag.”

The beginnings of a plan were forming in Ben’s mind.  “I’m going to buy them,” he said.

Hux was immediately suspicious. “Why?”

“Rey’ll like them,” he lied easily.

Hux didn’t reply, but he rolled his eyes and huffed.

Not long after they left the toy store it started raining.  Hard.

Hux stopped dead and looked at the sky in shock. “This never happens!” he said.

“What are you talking about?”  Ben’s coat didn’t have a hood, though Hux’s did.  But Hux was just standing there, staring up at the sky in disbelief and getting soaked.  Ben flipped Hux’s hood up and then grabbed his hand and hauled him away to find cover.  The closest dry spot was against the side of a junkshop, huddled under the overhanging eaves.

“I’ve never seen it rain like this here!” Hux said, almost shouting to be heard over the rain.

“Hux it’s been cloudy all day,” Ben said.  He pulled Hux closer so they could talk without yelling.  “I don’t even know what color the sky is here.”

“It’s always cloudy,” Hux told him.  “But it never rains this hard!  And the sky’s a minty green color.”

“It must have been saving all the rain for me,” Ben said.

“Should we try to wait it out?” Hux asked.

“I’d like to,” Ben replied.  “I don’t have a hood like you- not that you know how yours works.”

Hux stuck his tongue out at Ben.  Then before Ben could retaliate Hux wrapped an arm around his neck and pulled Ben down for a kiss.

Ben lost track of time, and where he was, and his master plan.  Really everything except Hux’s hand in his hair, and their mouths pressed together. 

Ben tried to get a hand under Hux’s shirt- but was foiled by Hux’s coat, which would not open up.  Hux nipped at his bottom lip and then deftly slipped a hand under Ben’s jacket to press a freezing cold and slightly damp hand against Ben’s side.

“Your hands are freezing,” Ben said when they pulled back, both of them slightly out of breath.  He pulled Hux’s hands off of him and held them together between their bodies, chafing them with his own.

“I’m fine,” Hux murmured, but he made no move to get his hands back.  “I told my mum about you,” he said.

Ben squeezed Hux’s hands.  “What did you say?” he asked.

“I said you were my best friend.”  Hux was blushing but held his eyes. “And I said I really really liked you.”

Ben had to swallow twice before he could say anything.  “I really really like you too,” he said. 

Hux started grinning.  Ben let go of Hux’s hands and pulled him into a slightly awkward one-armed hug. 

“You wanna get ice cream?” Hux asked.

“It is actually raining.” Ben pointed out.  Though the rain had slowed dramatically while they were preoccupied.  It was only drizzling now.

“You say that like ice cream isn’t just as delicious in inclement weather.”

Hux was smirking at him again and Ben couldn’t resist leaning forward to kiss him again.  Hux let out a soft huffing laugh against his lips before kissing him back.  He pulled back much too soon for Ben’s tastes.

“So you don’t want ice cream?” he asked.

“No, I do.” Ben said, suddenly recalling his master plan.  Ice cream would be a good distraction. “Let’s go get some.”

* * *

They saw Hux onto the shuttle back home before they boarded the Falcon.  Ben wanted to kiss him again- but Chewie and his dad were right there.   Watching.  So instead he grabbed Hux’s hand and squeezed, pressing his thoughts straight into Hux’s mind.

Hux cocked an eyebrow.  ~ _You think they’d mind?_ ~

_~I don’t know.  I’d rather not find out now.~_

Hux hummed thoughtfully, and then smirked.  Ben’s stomach dropped, but before he could figure out what he was plotting Hux stepped forward and leaned in just enough to plant a tiny feather light kiss on the tip of Ben’s nose.  From behind it would have just looked like Hux had leaned in to tell him something quietly.   Hux stepped back and just looked at him.  Ben could feel him whole face going red.

“I’ll see you soon,” Hux said.

“Y-yeah,” Ben managed.  “See ya.”

Hux pulled away and boarded the shuttle.  Ben watched it depart.  He wanted to be on that shuttle with Hux.  Or better yet have Hux stay with him here.

Han clapped him on the shoulder.  “Come on kid,” he said.  Ben let his Dad tug him off in the direction of the Falcon.

He wasn’t quite sulking but he was very quiet on their walk back to the ship.  Dad shot him some looks but didn’t ask any questions, or say anything else at all to Ben while they took off.

“Sooo.” His dad drawled once they clear the atmosphere.  He looked back at Ben slumped in the rear seat behind Chewie.  “That Hux kid.”

Ben frowned, “Yeah?  What about him?”

“You two an item?”

“Dad!” Ben yelped.  He was blushing furiously.  He could feel it creeping up his face.

Han was smirking at him.  “Good for you.  He’s cute.”

Ben groaned and briefly considered the merits of banging his head repeatedly against a console.  Chewie was laughing.  He thought he’d die of embarrassment, but he also couldn’t help but smile.  It was a relief that Dad didn’t care about the boy thing.

He guessed it didn’t really make sense he would.  Uncle Lando waltzed around with his fair share of boyfriends _and_ girlfriends and he and Dad were best friends.  He thought maybe they’d even been involved once, just from some of the feelings in the Force around them, but he was hardly going to ask either of them for confirmation.  When they went to hyperspace Ben retreated to his bunk to puzzle out where he’d got the idea his Dad would care if he liked other boys.  After their vacation to Yavin, when he’d gotten that huge embarrassing crush on Poe Dameron, Snoke had made an off-hand statement about people not liking him because of his preferences.  He’d brushed the comment off but then there’d been the incident with Harrand, and Snoke had laid it on thick after that.

But Dad didn’t care, and he knew Mom didn’t care- not about the _boy_ part.  Mom most certainly did care about the _Hux_ part, but they could work on that.  Ben grinned up at the ceiling of his bunk, and then yawned.  Maybe it was the relief, or the fact that according to Chandrila time it was really really early in the morning, but Ben was suddenly exhausted.  He rolled over and tried to get some sleep before they got home.

* * *

Hux: You ass.  
Hux: I am not keeping this Hugs sticker on my bag.  
Ben:  that’s alright, you can change it to one of the other ones. They’re in your bag.  
Hux: When did you do this?? I didn’t notice anything!  
Ben: I am the master of stealth!  
Hux: It was while we were making out wasn’t it?  After the ice cream.  
Ben: Maaaaybe  
Hux: You were distracting me.  
Ben: or I could have just wanted to make out with you.  
Hux: Or both.  
Ben: Yeah knowing me probably both.   
Hux: Besh is for bathing.  
Hux: It’s got a Bothan in a bathtub on it.  
Hux: Luckily it’s a bubblebath.  
Ben: Hahaha  
Ben: Any other good ones?  
Hux: Wookiees washing.  
Hux: lots of partial nudity on these things.  
Ben: Wookiees don’t count. They’re always naked.  
Hux: A horrifying prospect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names of the cities on Vessa are an oblique reference to one of my favorite books, because I am Huge Nerd.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, longer chapters won! There's a new total chapter number again. We didn't lose that many chapters though, because the last three chapters were already pretty set in their lengths.

He was sulking again.  He knew Hux would probably tease him when he got here but Ben couldn’t help it.  He curled up on his side in bed facing the wall.

The door opened behind him.

“Hmm,” Hux said.  “You couldn’t even wait in your own room?”

“No,” Ben grumbled.  He pulled Hux’s blanket over his head.

Hux sighed.  But Ben didn’t sense any actual anger from him. He’d come to Hux’s room on instinct when he landed, only to find Hux wasn’t there yet.  He’d decided to wait inside even though he hadn’t know how Hux would feel about that.

Ben heard Hux go to his desk and set things down.  Hux sat behind him on the bed.  He pulled the blanket off Ben’s head.  Ben rolled onto his back and pouted up at Hux.

Hux huffed. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“Right.”  Hux rolled his eyes.  “Because breaking into your boyfriend’s room and hiding is something you do when nothing’s wrong.  What happened?” Hux asked.

 _Boyfriend._   Ben’s thoughts got stuck on that word for a while. _Boyfriendboyfriendboyfriend._

“Ben?”

Ben groaned but sat up, “I don’t know, nothing really.  Mom just gave me the ‘responisibility’ lecture for some reason.  It always makes me feel like crap.  I’m not even sure why this time.”

“How’s the ‘responsibility’ lecture go?” Hux asked.

“Oh you know, blah blah blah, think your actions through, blah blah, reflects on our entire family, blah blah blah, be a good role model for Rey, and then it ends with a ‘you’ve made a serious commitment to the Jedi Order Ben, and you need to behave accordingly’.  All while she frowns at you like you’ve never done anything right in your life,” Ben sighed.  He actually felt a little better now that he’d told Hux.

Hux raised an eyebrow. “Didn’t your parents send you here when you were like, Rey’s age?  Did they even ask you if you wanted to go?”

“Yes,”  Ben said.  “And no they didn’t.  I _didn’t_ want to go actually… I wanted to stay with them.  But Mom said I _needed_ to go, and Dad… sided with her so I went.”

“So the Jedi Order needs children?”

Ben shook his head immediately. “It’s not like that.”

Hux leaned against his shoulder.  “I know.  …I’m sorry.” Ben rested his head against Hux’s.  Snoke had first spoken to him shortly after he left home.  At the time he’d been so desperate for someone who at least pretended to be on his side he hadn’t questioned it.  In light of some of the conversations he’s had with Hux recently it seemed… not coincidental.

“I’d still say _you_ didn’t make any commitments to the Jedi Order.  Your mum and dad did.”  Hux said.

Ben sighed. “Yeah but I can’t just stop-”

“Why not?”

“I-what?”  Ben stuttered.

“You don’t have to be a Jedi.” Hux said.

Ben just stared at him.

Hux tilted his head to one side and stared right back.  “I told you before, I’m just here to learn how to handle myself.  I’m not going to hang around meditating and teaching children my whole life, is that what your mum wants you to do?”

Ben swallowed hard, “I think so, or she wants me to suddenly develop an interest in politics and follow in her footsteps.”

Hux rolled his eyes.  “I think she’d have better luck talking Rey into that.  What do you want to do?”

“I-” Ben stopped. He had no idea. “What else is there?”

Hux glared at him like he was a complete idiot. “ _What else is there?”_ he snapped.

Hux stood and grabbed Ben’s arm.  “Come on,” Hux said, pulling Ben out of the room.

“Where are we going?” Ben asked.  Hux didn’t answer, but once they left the dorms it was pretty obvious that Hux was dragging him to the library.

Ben followed along as Hux pulled him through the shelves.  The Twi’lek twins were huddled together in one of the sitting rooms bent over a datapad.

“What are you two up to?” Hux asked.

“Looking up cool stuff,” Tava said.

“Tell Ben what you’re going to do once your training is done,” Hux said.

“Why?” Pava asked.

“His mum wants him to go into politics but he’d be terrible at that so he needs other ideas.”

The twins nodded.  “We want to be archaeologist specializing in Force-related artifacts and buildings,” Tava said.

That seemed weirdly specific to Ben.  “Is there a lot of that stuff around?” he asked.

“Look,” Tava said, holding out her datapad.  _Their_ datapad, he guessed, as far as he could tell the twins shared the same neon green pad.

Ben took the pad, it showed a news article about the ruins of an old Jedi temple on one of the moons of Ryloth.

“There’s Jedi and Sith ruins all over the place,”  Pava explained excitedly.  “Imagine all the knowledge that could just be sitting there, waiting for us to find it.”

Tava was nodding enthusiastically.  “Not to mention other Force using societies besides the Sith and Jedi.  And maybe even things from Grey Jedi.”

“Grey Jedi?” Hux asked.

“It’s a weird name I know,” Tava said.  “They’re Jedi that left the Order for whatever reason, but maintained at least some of the Jedi’s principles.”

“The most famous one in recent times is probably Ahsoka Tano- she was Anakin Skywalker’s padawan during the Clone Wars,” Pava said.

“What happened to her?” Ben asked.  He’d never heard of her before.

“She was involved in early Rebel Alliance activity,” Tava said.  “She’s assumed dead, currently.  It’s super hard to get early Rebellion records, but she apparently went missing on some kind of mission somewhere.  Apparently she got in _a duel with Darth Vader_ , and then was separated from the rest of the party.”

“But who knows!”  Pava grinned.  “Maybe she isn’t dead, maybe there are still other Jedi who survived the purge hidden away on distant planets!  There is so much we could find!”

The twins grinned at each other and then at Ben and Hux.

“That sounds really interesting,” Ben admitted.

“If you can’t think of anything else to do you and Hux could always come along,” Pava said.  Tava nodded.

They were serious, but still Ben asked. “Really?”

“Yeah,” Tava said.  “You’re good at Force stuff.  Actually pretty decent company.”

“We can get you to lift heavy things,” Pava added.  “Not because we couldn’t ourselves, it’d just be fun to boss you around.”

Ben laughed.  “I’ll think about it.”

“I don’t know about everyone,” Tava said.  “But I know Jysa’s planning on being a trader like her parents.”

“Harrand keeps talking about going into medicine,” Pava added.  “And I know Olipia wants to stay here and run the library.”

“Follow your heart Ben,” Tava said.  She only held the serious expression for a split second before grinning.  “Or you could always just go around showing off your lightsaber skills for money.”

“That’s not a bad idea either,”  Ben said.

They left soon after, Hux promising to meet the girls later for dinner.  As they walked back to the dorms Ben took Hux’s hand. 

“So, _boyfriend_ ,” Ben said.

Hux shot him a look.  “Yes?”  He squeezed Ben’s hand.

“You said you had plans. What are they?” Ben asked.

“I’ve designed things besides Starkiller you know,” Hux said.  Ben nodded, Hux had shown him some of his other designs.  He was going to get _someone_ to make him that one speeder if it killed him.  “A lot actually.  When I first came here I took the aptitude tests and found I was done with my required schooling- but the more my mum and I looked into things the more it looks like I’m already qualified for an Advanced Engineering degree- it’s just a matter of convincing someone to give me one at this point.  And we're making some decent progress on that.”

“Wow,” Ben said.  “That’s … really cool.”  And a little … embarrassing. Hux was fifteen, less than a year older that Ben was, and he was qualified to be an engineer already.  While Ben didn’t even know what he was doing with his life.

Hux smiled.  “I know. Anyway, I don’t know what exactly I want to do but I want to actually build my designs.  I can’t do that if I’m here.  Once I get my degree I can get an engineering job somewhere, find out what I want to do.  I kind of-”

Hux bit his lip.  “My Mum’s sort of adopted our neighbors across the hall.  They’re a family of Chadra-Fan, the parents and three really tiny kids.  I was talking to them a little on our last break.  Their homeworld is in the Outer Rim and has terrible hurricanes that occasionally wipe out just, everything.  There are planets with similar weather conditions in the Republic- but all of them have buildings meant to withstand those storms.  Someone should fix that, I think _I_ can fix that.”

Ben grinned.  “Oh totally,” he laughed.  “You’re going to make the galaxy a better place just so you can ask politicians what they’ve done recently aren’t you?”

“Maybe,” Hux admitted.  “It’s not _just_ that.  I really think I can help.  And I want to.  What about you Solo?  What do you want?”

“I don’t know,” Ben said. “But I’ve got a lot to think about now.”

“You should talk to your uncle,” Hux said.

Ben winced. “Maybe later.”

* * *

“What’re you doing?”

Hux started and almost dropped his datapad onto his own face.  He sat up.

Rey was standing right next to him by the arm of the sofa.  She’s in her pajamas.

“What’re you doing?” Rey repeated.

He’d been reading in the common room after dinner-lounging flat on his back on one of the sofas- but it was dark now.

“What time is it?” he asked.

Rey shrugged. “‘S late.  The lights out bell rang forever ago.”  Hux checked the time on his datapad.  Rey was right.  The lights out bell had rung nearly three hours ago.

“I didn’t notice it.” Hux admitted.  And apparently no one had noticed him either, until Rey- “Wait Rey, why are _you_ here?”

Rey shrugged and sniffed. “I was going to see Ben.”  Her face was blotchy and her eyes were wet, Hux realized.  Like she’d been crying.

“Rey what happened?  Are you alright?”

Rey’s answering smile was all wobbly.  “I’m ok.  I just had a bad dream.”

Hux knew he was supposed to do something.  But unfortunately he had no idea what.  He couldn’t remember his mother ever handling this with him- and he knew how his father had dealt with it was definitely out of the question.

“…Do you want to talk about it?” Hux asked awkwardly.  That didn’t seem right, but perhaps it was also not wrong.

Rey nodded and without further prompting climbed up onto Hux’s lap.  Hux quickly set his datapad aside and tried to pretend he’d been expecting this.  Rey settled back against his chest and took one of Hux’s hands with both of hers.

“I was at home,” Rey told him.  “But no one was there.”  She described going through her whole house looking for anyone- but she was entirely alone.  Finally she’d looked outside- and realized there was no one out there either.  The entire city was dead silent and still.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Rey said.  “So I tried to feel for someone with the Force and I couldn’t feel _anyone_.  Except then I could but they were weird.  They were… cold. And I didn’t know where they were exactly but they were coming to _get_ me.  I _know_ they were.”

Hux realized he was hugging Rey quite tightly.  She didn’t seem to mind though.  “What happened next?” he prompted.

“I went to Ben’s room so I could hide,” Rey said.  “But when I opened the door it was cold inside and black- like it was filled with smoke.  And then an arm came out of the smoke and tried to grab me.” Rey shivered.  “And then I woke up.”

“That sounds scary,” Hux said.

Rey nodded.  “It was.”  She twisted around to hug Hux’s neck.

Hux drew on his fuzzy memories of his childhood time with his mother and laid back down, patting Rey’s back in a way he hoped was soothing.

Rey was almost too warm, and rubbed her wet face against Hux’s neck.  Hux kept up the patting and tried to stifle a yawn.  He’d calm Rey down, take her back to her bed and then go to bed himself.

The last thing he clearly remembered was Rey playing with the tips of his hair with her little fingers.

* * *

“Good morning Sleepyheads!”

Hux and Rey groaned in unison.  Hux opened his eyes and stared up at Harrand.  Against his chest Rey whined a little and rolled over, still asleep.

Harrand was grinning far too much for Hux’s taste.  Hux glared at the blond boy. “You didn’t see anything,” he said.

“I sure didn’t Red,” Harrand agreed.  “I definitely didn’t see Ben and the twins in here already when I came in.”

Hux groaned again.  Rey squinced up her face and finally opened her eyes, pouting up at Hux.  She seemed confused.

“The twins were taking pictures,”  Harrand added.

Hux rubbed his eyes.

“Oh,” Rey said.  “Is it morning?”

“Yes.”  Hux said, ignoring Harrand for now. “Are you alright?”

Rey nodded.  She hopped up and tugged on Hux’s arm.  “Let’s go get breakfast!”

Hux’s plan had been to hide in his room until he died- but he supposed he could eat instead.

“Alright.”

* * *

“I mean it Ben if those pictures ever end up on the Holonet I’ll end you,” Hux said.  It had been a week since he and the twins found Hux and Rey sleeping in the common room and Hux still hadn’t let it go.  Probably because he’d convinced the twins to delete their copies, but not before they had forwarded the images to Ben.  

Ben had sent them copies right back later, but Hux didn't need to know that.

Ben shrugged.  “I’m not deleting them,” he said.  “But I promise not to show them to too many people.”

“Ben!” a voice called from behind them.

He and Hux stopped and looked back towards the school.  Harrand’s running towards them.

“Ben!” he shouted again when he saw they’d stopped.  He waved his arms in the air.

Ben sighed. “What does he want?”

Hux shrugged. “I guess you’ll find out.”  He started walking again.

“Hey!”  Ben protested. 

Hux just grinned.  ‘He’s not calling my name.”

“Brat!” he shouted at Hux’s back.  Hux, the jerk, waved goodbye.

Ben rolled his eyes and turned to wait for Harrand.

“Hey!” Harrand said when he caught up with Ben, he’s huffing and trying to catch his breath and still managed to smile nervously at Ben.

‘If being a Jedi falls through he’ll have a great fall back career as a tooth model.’  Hux had said once, and Ben struggled not to laugh as the description came to mind again.

“What do you want Harrand?”

“So,” Harrand said.  And then he stopped.  He looked at Ben, then away.  He bit his lip and looked down at his feet. “Sooo.” He repeated before staring at Ben again.

“You have to finish your sentence before I can say anything,” Ben said.

“Right, right.” Harrand said, looking sheepish now.  “So, um, I was just noticing that you and Red are spending a lot of time together…”

Harrand was looking at something behind him, Ben glanced back- and was pleased to see Hux waiting under The Tree for him.

“And that’s fine!” Harrand said quickly.  “But then I was thinking that you and I used to spend lots of time together and then I was thinking about why we don’t anymore…”

Ben was going to leave. Now. He didn’t-

“I’m sorry,” Harrand said.

Ben stared. “When I told you I had a crush on a guy I met on vacation you called me weird and then started avoiding me.”

Harrand cringed. “I know.”

“You didn’t speak to me for two months.”

“I’m _so sorry_.”

“ _You-”_ It came out too angry so Ben stopped.  He took a deep breath.  He’d thought he was over this.  Harrand was a jerk and possibly the worst friend ever he reminded himself, but he wasn’t worth getting this upset over.  “You were my only friend and you _abandoned_ me.”

Harrand looked like Ben had punched him- it made Ben feel a little better about _not_ punching him.  “I’m sorry.  It was a stupid reaction in the first place and then I was too embarrassed to apologize earlier and I was just all around stupid and cruel.  And I’m sorry.”

Ben knew what he was supposed to say but…  “I’m not that mad, not really, anymore, but I don’t know if I can forgive you.”

“That’s fair,” Harrand said.  “I was the biggest jerk.  Really I just want for things to be better between us…  Even if you’re still upset do you think you could let me try to be… probably not friends but on good terms?”

Ben looked at Harrand and thought about it.  “…Fine,” he said.  “But you owe me so so much.”

Harrand grinned. "Thanks Ben."

* * *

The next day the twins joined them for lunch.

“I still don’t get what a Force wound is,” Tava admitted once they’d all got their food and settled in.  “I know Master Luke explained it last time we had Group but it was weird.”

“I don’t understand either,” Hux said.  “I guess you can just tell where important events happened?”

Ben shook his head.  “It’s not like that- it’s… you know how people have their own Force presence? Some objects or places have them too.  Dagobah is just full of the Force.”

“You’ve been to Dagobah?” the twins said in unison.

Ben nodded. “Force-wounds are places were something big happened yeah, but you don’t just like, sense _that_.  It’s- it’s like those places… fill up with one type of Force – usually the Dark side.  There’s this, cave thing on Dagobah.  I don’t know what exactly happened, a Darkside Force user lived there or died there or something.”

“Excellent example,” Hux muttered.

Ben whacked his shoulder and kept talking. “But you can feel it.  I’ve never been in, but even from far away you can tell there’s just so much dark there. And Yoda’s hut is the opposite.  It’s just a little abandoned shack- but you feel good just being there- it’s full of light.”

“Huh.” The twins said, again together.

“Do you know of any other ones?” Hux asked, despite his earlier snarky comment he’s leaning towards Ben slightly, his expression avid.

“Uncle Luke told me there are ones where the Death Stars where destroyed.  He made me promise to avoid those ones- apparently they're bad.  Especially the one where the Emperor died.  And Alderaan- although, the Alderaan one is weird.”

“There’s one where Alderaan was destroyed?”  Hux asked.

Ben nodded. “It’s-” he sighed and dropped his hands into his lap.  “There’s Force energy pooled there but it’s not really light or dark- not that I could tell.  I’ve only been there once and I was five.  But it was just… sad.  The whole area just feels so sad.”

Hux reached out under the table and took one of Ben’s hands.

“I actually started crying,” he recalled. “And I didn’t know why and I couldn’t stop- not until we left.”

He didn’t include the rest of what had happened.  Dad had been freaked out and worried.  Mom had been sad too- but also glad in a weird and obvious way that had upset Dad even more.  They’d had a fight- Ben could hear it even from his spot curled up in Chewie’s arms in the cockpit as they went to lightspeed, leaving the debris of Alderaan behind.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm being at least semi- Bloodline compliant in this story. I've never actually read Bloodline though so I'm probably messing up a ton of other things. Ben doesn't know his grandfather was Darth Vader, he thinks his grandfather was Anakin Skywalker, and that the two are completely different people. 
> 
> I shoved a bunch of my opinions on the Jedi and the Force into Luke's mouth in this chapter and you can't stop me! *maniacal laugh*

Uncle Luke lived in a little cottage up the hill north of the school.  It wasn’t in any way off-limits- in fact Uncle Luke often had his individual meetings here- but Ben still felt like he was intruding as he approached.

Of course that could have been Snoke.  He would just not shut up.  The entire walk to his uncle’s house Snoke had kept up a litany of reasons he shouldn’t be doing this.  His uncle would be disappointed, as would his mother.  They would force him to stay here forever.

Ben grit his teeth and ignored Snoke.  He frowned down at the paving stones leading up to his uncle’s house.  Hadn’t Snoke already said Ben’s uncle and mother were disappointed in him?  He really doubted they’d try to keep him here.  How would they even do that?

“Now that’s a serious face,” Uncle Luke said.  Ben looked up, Uncle Luke was on his porch watching Ben approach.  Snoke’s presence vanished completely.  “What’s on your mind Ben?”

“Can we talk?” he asked.

Uncle Luke nodded and gestured for him to come inside.  Ben hunched his shoulders and stepped into the cottage.

The front door of Uncle Luke’s cottage took you straight into the combination kitchen and dining room.  The door to the right led to the bedroom and bathroom, the one straight ahead led to the study- but Uncle Luke waved him toward the door on the left, which led to the den.

The den was a small room with no furniture except an excessive number of pillows.  The west wall was all windows, looking out over the rolling hills and down to the ocean.

Ben settle down in the sea of pillows took a deep breath.  “I’ve been thinking about the future,” he said.

“What about it?”  Uncle Luke asked, settling down a few feet away.

“I just,” Ben bit his lip.  “I don’t know what I want to do.  And I don’t.  I don’t think I’m a very good Jedi.”

“Did you know,” Uncle Luke said slowly, like he was choosing his words carefully.  He didn't sound angry at all, or disappointed.  “That there was a prophesy about Darth Vader?  It was said he would bring balance to the Force.”

Ben shook his head.  He’d never heard that.  He’d known Darth Vader was a Jedi, he’d trained with Ben’s grandfather once, but not much else.  People didn’t tend to think about him as anything other than the scourge of the Old Empire.

“The old Jedi Order believed he would destroy the Sith.” Uncle Luke said.

“That’s… not how balance works,” Ben said.

Uncle Luke smiled.  “No, it really isn’t.  But it makes me think of the state of the Force when he died.  There were no more Sith and no real Jedi.  Just me, a barely Jedi who had already proven to be remarkably bad at the ‘no attachments’ rule.”  He reached out and ruffled Ben’s hair.

“Hux and some of the other kids were talking about Grey Jedi,” Ben said.

“By the standards of the old Jedi Order we’re all Grey Jedi,” his uncle said.  “I felt ultimately the Jedi Code’s stance on love and attachment did more harm than good.  Better to teach you to be mindful of your feelings and careful with your actions than try to keep you from having them at all.”

“But you wanted to talk about your future,” Uncle Luke said.  “I know what Armitage’s plans are, we had a rather candid conversation about it when he first came.”

Ben smiled.   _‘I’m just here so I can learn not to accidentally blow stuff up.’_  He wondered if Hux had said the same things to Uncle Luke he’d said to Ben.

“What do you want to do when you finish your training Ben?”  Uncle Luke asked.

Ben sighed.  “I don’t know.  I think Mom-"

“Ben, I know your mom.  I know she usually has plans for exactly how everything should go.  But this time, here and now at this school is yours not hers.  You should be getting what you want out of this, not what she wants.”

“Are you going to tell her that?”

“I will.  If you want me to.” Uncle Luke said.

“I- Let me think about it,” Ben said.  But it felt good to know his uncle was willing to help.  “I want to have a plan for myself before I talk to Mom.”

Uncle Luke nodded.  “If you want to stay here with me, continue your exploration of the Force and help me run the school you can, but you absolutely don’t have to.  I know most of you won’t be- though I think Dendor and Olipia have expressed interest in staying.

“I’ve learned a lot about the old Jedi Order since I began my training, and I think ultimately the most good the Jedi did for the galaxy came from the Jedi Service Corps- the people deemed not strong enough in the Force to become Knights or Masters.  They went out and helped thousands of worlds, billions of people.  My goal with this school was not to make all of you into Knights, but to give all of you the grounding in the Force you’ll need to make the Galaxy a better place.  Whether you do that here or out in the world is your choice.”

Ben bit his lip and looked away, out the wall of windows.  “Ok,” he said.

Uncle Luke nudged his shoulder.  “I don’t think I’ve told you this before, and I should have.  I am so proud of you Ben.  And that will always be true no matter where you go in life,” Uncle Luke smiled.

Ben couldn’t help but smile back.

“That said,” his uncle added. “I would appreciate it if you didn’t distract other students during Group.”

Ben cringed, “Sorry.”

He knew better really, it was just that he _really liked_ talking to Hux.  He wondered if he should try to explain to his uncle… but that would be embarrassing.

“Ben,” Uncle Luke said softly.  Ben looked up and his Uncle’s face was so gentle, so understanding and…nostalgic, Ben didn’t know if he wanted to relax or be even more embarrassed.  “Have I ever told you about my friend Biggs Darklighter?”

Ben shook his head.  He’d never heard the name before.

“He was my best friend growing up on Tatooine.  We got into a lot of messes, crashed a bunch of speeders, and fixed even more.  We were going to go to the Imperial Academy together- and then defect as soon as we could and join the Rebellion.  _He_ actually did that, I got left behind… It felt like I’d lost a limb when he went off-planet without me.”

“What happened to him?”

“He died during the Battle of Yavin.  We’d just met again.  Your parents and I turned up on the base only hours before the battle.  And there was my best friend.  The two of us together again.”  Uncle Luke smiled sadly.  “It felt like fate.  Like it was all planned out for us.  But then he didn’t come back.”

There was something in his uncle’s smile, the way his voice still ached when he mentioned their separation, something familiar.  “Did you love him?” Ben asked.

“I think I did- although I didn’t realize it until later- after he was gone,” his uncle said.  “I don’t even know if he would have reciprocated.  But now I never will.”

“Are you advising me not to make the same mistake?”  Ben asked.

Uncle Luke winked at him.  “Something like that.”

“Thanks Uncle Luke,” Ben said.  “I… should probably go, I’m meeting some people for dinner.”

“Of course.” Uncle Luke waved him off.

“Ben!” Uncle Luke called as Ben made his way down the winding path to the main campus.

Ben stopped and turned back.  “Yeah?”

“Just so we’re clear, if I ever catch you two doing anything… inappropriate I’ll have to inform your parents.”

Ben groaned. “Can’t you just kill me instead?”

Uncle Luke laughed.

* * *

He found Hux and the twins sitting in the common room tossing Hux’s Corellia ball around with the Force.

“How’d it go?” Hux asked.

“Good?” Ben said. “Weirdly emotional but good,” he added, being honest.

Hux raised an eyebrow- but Ben shook his head.  He didn’t want to rehash everything with Hux.  Not now.

The Corellia ball hit Ben square in the temple.  “Hey!”

The twins pointed at each other.  “She did it,” they said.

Ben Force-shoved the ball back at the girls as hard as he could.  They shrieked and ducked.  The ball ricocheted off the wall behind them. 

Hux snagged the speeding ball out of the air with his bare hand.  “Let’s not break anything shall we?”

Ben huffed.  He flopped down on the couch beside Hux.  “I’m not the one throwing things at people.”

“You literally just threw something at them,” Hux pointed out.

Ben pouted, and leaned on Hux. 

The twins were grinning at them.  “What?” Ben asked.

“Nothiiiiing,” they chorused.

“We’re just glad you two sorted yourselves out,” Pava said.  “So when’s the wedding?”

Hux threw the ball at her.

* * *

“So glad you could join us,” Ben said as soon as Hux eased himself out of his physical body.

“Oh shut up,” Hux said.  He was getting progressively better at meditating.  The amount of time between when he closed his eyes and when he found himself floating above his own body was steadily shrinking.  “You weren’t waiting that long.”

Ben grinned, “I really wasn’t.”

The implicit praise made Hux warm- which was silly.  Ben hadn’t actually said anything. 

“So what are we going to do tonight Mr. Expert?” Hux asked.

“I thought we’d see if you can visit your mom,” Ben said.

“I can’t walk that far yet,” Hux said immediately.  Their last joint session they’d gone and explored this solar system- but that was, for now, the limit of Hux’s range.

“I know,” Ben held out his hands and Hux took them without thinking. “Okay, so close your eyes.  We’re gonna feel out further-it’s- basically we’re gonna meditate while we’re meditating.”

“ _Really?_ ”

“Yes really. Just do it.”

Hux shut his eyes and tried to relax his… soul he guessed, since his physical body was already relaxed.

“Find your mom,” Ben told him. “You already know what she feels like, you know her.  Reach out around you and see if you can find her.”

Hux tried.  It was strange, like he was floating in a vast ocean and he could feel every ripple from every breeze or thrown stone or wild animal all at once.  The sensation of movement was everywhere- save where Ben held his hands steady.

Hux thought about the looping cords of energy he’d seen before- with those in mind one of the perpetual ripples began to feel familiar. He followed it. 

He wasn’t walking or swimming, it was more like, now that he knew where he wanted to go, he was just floating there.  The feeling of Ben’s hands had thinned to just a sense of connection- it floated with him and Hux knew Ben coming along on his search.

The source of the familiar ripples was his mum.  He couldn’t see her, not with his eyes, but he knew she was sleeping, and that she was physically well.  She was happy, mostly, he sensed.  She missed him.

He missed her too.

There was no thought in the action.  He missed his Mum, and the feeling just radiated down to her.  His mum’s Force presence eased a little- an almost invisible tension fading further.

 _~Be careful~_ Ben sent to him.  _~People- even ones that aren’t Force sensitive- can sometimes feel it when you do that.~_

Hux sent back an acknowledgement and let his mum’s quiet ease relax him too- until it occurred to him that he was watching his mother sleep.  Embarrassed, Hux pulled away from her- going back towards where he’d left the feeling of Ben’s hands on his.

Ben was laughing at him.  Hux could feel the ripples of his amusement.  It felt _fond_ , at least, not mocking.

Ben’s hands were a steady and grounding now- so he opened his metaphysical eyes and looked at Ben-or rather his Force projection.

“Layered meditation is weird,” he said.

Ben nodded, “Yeah.  That’s as deep as it goes though, so at least there isn’t layer after layer after layer.”

Hux hummed. “Alright, how much did you help me?”

Ben squeezed his wrists. “Not much.  I just anchored you really.  You can’t get lost when you do that but if you aren’t mindful it’s easy to stay longer than you mean to. If you try again without me try to ground yourself in the physical world first before you go- stare at a candle or hold something in your hands.  That should help.”

“Thanks,” Hux said.  Ben’s hands tightened suddenly. “Ben?”

Ben frowned, “I’ve got company.”  He growled, dropping Hux’s hands.

Snoke had not left Ben alone.  He kept popping up- eavesdropping on Ben or whispering more nonsense- and when Ben noticed him he would shove the other being’s mind away.  Ben’s Force projection faded a little as he focused on pushing Snoke away.  That was normal enough- still Hux took a half step toward Ben though he had no idea how to help. 

Ben gasped in pain and vanished.

“Fuck,” Hux whispered.  He had a very bad feeling about this.

He rushed back to his physical body as quickly as he can.  His knees buckled when he pushed himself off the bed.  He got the feeling he was forcing his body to move before his mind has re-connected completely but Hux didn’t dwell on it.  He scrambled back to his feet with his heart in his throat.  He had to get to Ben.

Ben’s door was locked, because of course nothing was ever easy. 

He’d locked a door once- that had probably been him right?- he could unlock this one.  His hands were shaking as he tried to focus.  He knew how doors like this worked he just had to find the lock mechanism.  He couldn’t calm himself enough to focus, and every passing second just made it harder.  Ben needed him and he was stuck out in the hall, useless-

The door opened. 

“I’m fine.” Ben said.  Except he was leaning heavily against the doorway and his nose was bleeding.  Hux pressed forward, taking Ben’s face in his hands. 

“You’re bleeding,” Hux pointed out.  He maneuvered Ben back into his room and out of the doorway.  The door slid shut behind him.

“I know,” Ben grinned.  It was downright ghoulish with the blood dripping down his face.

“That’s not a good thing!” Hux snapped.  He looked around the room for something to clean Ben up with.  There was a pile of probably clean clothes by Ben’s desk, Hux pulled a washcloth from the pile to him with the Force and began wiping the blood off Ben’s face.  His nose appeared to have stopped bleeding at least.

“He’s gone,” Ben said.

“What?”

“Snoke,” Ben explained.  “I think he’s really gone this time.  I’ve pushed him away before, but I think this time it’s for good."

“…Are you sure?” Hux asked, he stopped cleaning Ben’s face and took Ben’s head in his hands.

Ben leaned forward, pressing their foreheads together.  Rather than explain aloud Ben tugged at Hux’s mind until their thoughts slid together and Hux felt it.

Ben had had no idea how deeply Snoke had sunk in until he’d tried to push him away the first time he and Hux had mingled minds.  He’d had a splitting headache after that- even after Uncle Luke ‘fixed’ him his head had ached, but he had been suddenly aware of just how much of his head he was sharing.

Snoke’s presence had felt different after that- fainter.

It had grown fainter still as Ben had increasingly ignored him, and this last time something had snapped.  Ben felt alone in his head.

Ben pressed the feeling of relief into Hux's mind.  Hux was plenty relieved himself, but still he deepened their connection, running his senses over the surface of Ben’s mind.  He looked for anything obviously _not Ben_ , but there was nothing.

He hadn’t been trying to spy so the memory he stumbled across must have been in the forefront of Ben’s mind.

_“You two need to be careful,” Uncle Luke told Ben.  “Spending too much time in each other’s heads can be dangerous.  Especially for someone with limited experience.”_

Hux scoffed.  _~I’m not so fragile as that~_

Ben’s amusement rippled around him- along with just the faintest undercurrent of worry.

 _~Aren’t you? ~_ he said, before pulling his mind away.

It took Hux a moment to orient himself- they had moved somehow while he was in Ben’s head.  He was now sitting on Ben’s desk.  Ben was pressed close, standing between Hux’s spread legs with his hands on Hux’s hips.  Their foreheads were still pressed together.

 _~Your knees buckled~_ Ben told him.  _~When you went deeper. ~_

 _~So I need more practice, ~_ Hux replied.  His hands were already clutching Ben’s shoulders so it was easy to nudge Ben’s chin up and kiss him.

Their minds are still mingled enough for Hux to sense how all Ben’s thoughts dropped off when their lips met.  It made Hux want to laugh.  His amusement must have bled over- or maybe it was the relief but both of them were laughing when they broke apart.

Hux dragged his fingers through Ben’s hair.  "Don’t go letting anyone else set up house in your head alright?”

Ben’s pulled Hux as close as he could without actually picking him up, and kissed him again.

 _~Only you, ~_ Ben promised.

* * *

“Force Visions are one of the rarest gifts granted by the Force,”  Uncle Luke explained.  “And even if you do have them they can be difficult to decipher.”

Ben was sitting against the back wall, Hux and the twins on his right.  He was actually paying attention today- a fact that would surely shock the twins.  It wasn’t his fault Uncle Luke so rarely talked about anything interesting at Group.

But _this_ was interesting.  Ben had never had a Force Vision- but they were fascinating.  Ben knew the Force was powerful- but it still was mind-boggling that the Force could give people glimpses of the future.

“Not only are the visions just possible futures, but your own emotional state can influence what you see.  In the old Jedi Order the master meditated and studied for years to learn how to interpret their visions.” Uncle Luke said.

Hux shifted, drawing a knee up to his chest.

“I myself have had mixed results with visions,” Uncle Luke admitted, flexing the fingers of his prosthetic hand. “But that’s a story for another day.  Has anyone here ever had a vision?”

Hux raised his hand.

Ben stared, along with everyone else in the room.  Hux blanched when he realized he was the only person with his hand up and slowly, awkwardly dropped his hand.

“I’d like to speak to you after class Taj.” Uncle Luke said.

Hux nodded.  He was blushing pretty bad.  Uncle Luke started talking again- this time about when it was common to have visions.

 _~You never told me you’d seen anything. ~_ Ben prodded.

 _~I didn’t know it was uncommon. ~_ Hux explained.  ~ _And it only happened once. ~_

_~What did you see? ~_

_~Stay after with me. ~_ Hux said.  

Group ended shortly after that and the rest of the students leave.  Hux had to shoo the twins away, but eventually they go-pouting the whole time.  Soon it’s just him and Hux alone with Uncle Luke.  Ben’s uncle gave him a look, but Hux quickly explained he’d asked Ben to stay.

“Alright.” Uncle Luke agreed reluctantly.  “You said you’d had visions?”

“Just one,” Hux said.

“Can you tell me what you saw?”

“I saw a lot of things,” Hux explained.  “They just, mostly don’t make sense.”

“I was older, in a First Order uniform.” Hux gripped his left arm as he spoke.  “There was a lot of red light, and TIE fighters.  I was on a planet I didn’t recognize, with snow and large forests.  I saw a man all in black laying in the snow, bleeding.  I couldn’t see his face, but I knew him.  He was important, somehow.  Then I was in a large room with a different man.  He was old, very old and he had terrible scars on his face.”  Hux tapped the left side of his face. “He…”  Hux’s stared down at his left arm again.  “I think he killed me,” he said.

Ben grabbed Hux’s hand and squeezed.  Hux smiled weakly at him.

“Do you have any thoughts on what you saw?  Any guesses what it was?” Uncle Luke asked.  “Often the feelings attached to a vision can be just as important as what you actually see.”

“It’s strange,” Hux said, he stared down at their hands, brow furrowed. “Obviously I have no idea what planet that was, or who the man in black is, but I feel like… that was what would have happened.  If I hadn’t left with my mother.”

That idea hit Ben like a punch to the gut.  If Hux had stayed with his Dad Ben would have never known him.  Ben had to give himself a mental shake- the potential loneliness of that future was already past- Hux was here.

Uncle Luke was nodding.  “It sounds like that might be the case.  Have you had any other visions since then?”

Hux shook his head.

“I wouldn’t dwell on that one.  It does seem like you missed that possible future.” Uncle Luke said.  “If you have any more I’d like you to share them with me.  They can be notoriously difficult to decipher.”

Hux agreed, and Uncle Luke dismissed them.  In the hall outside the atrium Hux stopped. 

“What-” Hux interrupted Ben by pecking him on the lips.  He tried to prolong the kiss, but Hux was already pulling back.

“Because I know you’ll want to know,” he said, and pressed a hand to Ben’s cheek. 

He saw the dark frozen forest, the _general’s_ rank on his sleeve, the man in black in the snow, and the man with the caved in face.

“Thank you,” Ben said. 

They walked in silence for a bit. Right before they left the building Hux shot him a look.  “Are you jealous of my mystery man?”

“No.” Ben lied.

Hux laughed at him and took his hand. 

* * *

Hux set down his datapad and sat up.  He focused on the vague sense of unease he’d started feeling a while ago.  It was getting worse.

It was coming from a specific person, Hux realized.  Though he couldn’t say who.  Whoever they were they were worried- no, scared.  It wasn’t Ben, he was visiting his uncle at his cottage.  This person was closer.

Hux abandoned his work and went to find them.  He followed the building anxiety across the dorm and out through the side door.  Harrand was standing under the other tree- so called because it was one of the only two trees on campus and it was much less impressive than _The Tree_ -  looking up at Rey who was nearly 15 feet off the ground and looked terrified.

Hux’s initial instinct was to knock Harrand out for scaring Rey- but he realized just in time to save Harrand’s skull that Rey wasn’t afraid of _him_.

“Oh hey Red- er Hux.” Harrand said.  “Maybe you can give us a hand?  Miss Rey is stuck.”

Hux looked up.  “She’s not physically stuck…”

“I think it’s just a lot scarier up there than she thought it would be,” Harrand said.  “I told her she should jump and I’d catch her.”

“Rey _do not_ jump.”  Hux said immediately. 

Rey nodded.  She was clinging to the middle of a branch that was slightly too thin for her- it dipped just a bit.

“You’re going to climb down.” Hux told her.

“I can’t!” Rey wailed. “I’m stuck!”

“You’re alright Rey,” Hux said.  “Harrand and I are right here.  We’ll catch you if you fall.  Can you scoot back to the trunk?”

Rey slowly wiggled her way backwards until she was sitting against the trunk.

“Alright Rey!  Good job!” Hux called.  “Now there’s another big branch right below and to your right.  Can you get to it?”

Hux coaxed Rey slowly down the tree while Harrand dutifully stood underneath her so he could catch her if she slipped.

“Rey,” Hux said softly once she was only five feet off the ground. “Can you get down now?”

“No- oh!” Rey finally looked around and realized where she was.  She hopped out of the tree by herself, then immediately hugged Hux.

“Thank you!” she squeaked.

She hugged Harrand next, and thanked him too, and then she disappeared into the dorms.

“Hey,” Harrand said. “That was really great of you.”

Hux shrugged.  “I was hardly going to leave her in the tree.”

“Yeah, but the way you talked her down was …sweet,” Harrand said.  “I hadn’t really picked you as being good with kids.”

Hux thought back over his handling of the situation. He could see what Harrand meant he guessed.   “Well I supposed I wouldn’t have either,” he admitted.

* * *

Ben chewed on his lip and knocked again.  It was eleven, Hux should be awake- unless he’d pulled another all-nighter playing around with his engineering projects. 

The door opened.  Hux leaned against the jam in his very patriotic pajamas, bleary eyed.  Ben had to force himself not to laugh- a huge chunk of hair at Hux’s right temple was sticking straight up.  He must have slept on it funny.

“Whassit?” Hux said in the most adorable sleepy mutter Ben had ever heard.

“Good morning,” Ben said. “Long night?”

Hux groaned.

“I was wondering if you wanted to go to the range today?” Ben asked.

Hux squinted at him. “What?” he said.

Ben laughed.  He nudged Hux back from the door. “Get dressed, then we’ll go get you caf.  And then I have something to show you.”

“Ok,” Hux said.  He yawned and rubbed at his eyes.

“Don’t go back to sleep!” Ben told him as the door shut.

Fifteen minutes later Ben was starting to worry Hux had actually gone back to sleep.  But then the door opened again and Hux trudged out.  He’d fixed his hair, but still looked mostly asleep.

Ben herded Hux to the cafeteria for caf and food and then led the much more awake Hux across campus towards the shooting range.

“Why are we going shooting?” Hux asked.

“I want to make sure you haven’t gotten rusty.” Ben teased.

Hux scoffed. “You know I practice at least once a week right?”  Actually Ben hadn’t known that. “I’m not rusty.”

Ben shrugged. “We’ll see.”

When they reach the range Hux picked out a blaster rifle and initiated a standard target shooting program.  He kept throwing Ben looks, but Ben just stood in the next lane over and waited.

Finally Hux sighted the target and fired.  The bolt veered off course and only nicked the edge of the target.

 “You missed.” Ben grinned.

“No I didn’t.” Hux said, immediately suspicious.  Ben couldn’t help but grin at his narrow-eyed look.

“Do it again?” Ben asked.

Hux fired off another shot almost immediately but Ben was ready for that. This time he deflected the bolt enough to hit the target the next lane over.

“Ben,” Hux said astonished. “You’re-“

“Again.”

He really focused this time, he’d only done this once before, for a fraction of a second- but Hux’s impressed face spurred him on.

Hux fired a third time.

It was hard.  Ben _had_ to throw both his hands up and even then he barely managed it.  But the bolt stopped dead in the air less than a foot from the target.

Hux swore under his breath. 

He only managed to hold it for a few seconds, but Hux turned to him as he lost his grip and…

He’d never had anyone look at him like that.  Like he was the best thing they had ever seen.  He simultaneously wanted to puff out his chest and die of embarrassment.

“That was amazing.” Hux said.

Ben felt the blush spread across his face. “I’m still working on it.  I can’t hold it very long-“

“Still,” Hux said. He set the rifle aside and advanced on Ben.  “That’s very impressive.” He stopped just inches away.  Ben almost thought he was getting a hug- but Hux doesn’t hug.  Hux grabbed his wrist and squeezed gently.  Ben was actually going to die, he thought, from all the blood rushing to various places.

He cleared his throat.  “Well,” he said.  “I figured I should have some line of defense for when you shoot me in the head from 1000 yards away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun Fact: Biggs Darklighter looks a lot like my dad.
> 
> My internet has been cutting in and out and it's annoying. Hopefully it'll sort itself out.
> 
> I'm really excited about posting the next chapter. I might do it early.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My internet didn't want me to post this chapter- but here it is!

_He is laying on a thin mattress in a bare room.  His entire body aches.  An alarm blares._

_His father is dragging him down the halls of the Academy by his arm.  The halls are bizarrely empty and his father grips his arm hard enough to bruise.  They stop outside a room he doesn’t recognize and then his father shoves him in._

_He is alone in a dark empty room with the man with the caved-in face.  Between one breath and the next the man is there looming over him._

_Long skeletal fingers dig into his hair, yanking his head back and forcing him to meet the man’s icy blue eyes._

_The man’s Force presence rips into him like a vibrosaw.  Agony beyond words hits him as the man excises entire sections of memory with cold precision.  The man cuts out all of Starkiller- the schematics and all the work he’s done since he left the Order.  The man hunts this information out thoroughly and then tears it from his mind, but the man is not done yet._

_He hacks apart any happy memory he finds.  Hux and his mother huddled in the corner of that first shuttle doing word puzzles on Hux’s datapad.  His father patting his shoulder when he aced some school assignment.   They are wretched from him leaving a gaping aching void.  He and his mother on their first trip to the market in the New Republic, excitedly buying food that is not considered a luxury here.  His excitement as he looks down at the preliminary sketches of Starkiller.  His mother showing him how to make bread.  His vague memories of weak sunlight on the droplet covered windows of the compound on Arkanis._

_Hux can taste blood in his mouth._

_The twins laughing at some stupid joke he’d made.  Luke Skywalker complimenting his form in lightsaber training. Rey’s skinny arms around his neck.  Ben._

_The man seems to take special glee in extracting all traces of Ben._

_Hux collapses, banging his head on the dark marble floor.  The man with the caved-in face looms over him.  One booted foot steps down hard on Hux’s neck._

_Hux looks up into those dead eyes as the breath is squeezed out of him and sees the reflection of some vast unnatural red light shining in the man’s eyes.  His wasted face is set with rage and frustration._

_The boot presses harder._

“HUX!”  

He shoved away the hands grasping at him and sat up gasping.  Hux brought his own hands up to his throat expecting there to be, somehow, still a boot crushing him.  His hands met smooth skin.

“Hux.”

This time Hux registered the voice.  He looked up.  Ben. In his room-they’d been up late talking and Ben had stayed. 

Ben.  Ben kneeling on his bed watching him with wide frightened eyes.  Ben who was the best thing that’s even happened to him.  He remembered.  _Ben_.

“What happened?”  Ben asked.  “You were screaming like- I couldn’t wake you up… Are you ok?”

Hux shook his head and held out his arms.  Ben didn’t need any more prompting.  He hauled Hux up into his lap and gripped him tightly. Hux relaxed against him, his arms draped over Ben’s shoulders.  Ben’s hands cradled his head. Like he never intended to let go.

No Hux was not ok.  The man with the caved-in face was going to kill him.

* * *

They didn’t tell anyone.

Well, Hux told Ben, obviously.  But beyond that they decided not to share Hux’s newest vision.  It was strange, less together than his first one.  He’d been adult at the start, then he’d been his current age, but he’d been at the Academy, where he would never be again…

Ben hadn’t even been sure it was a vision- Hux had been sleeping when it happened, he’d never heard of a vision happening like that.  Hux didn’t want to think about it.  It wouldn’t happen, he told himself.   The last one hadn’t.

But the uneasy feeling lingered as the time wound down to the end of the year break.  In just a few days he’d have an entire month and a half to spend with his Mum.  Hux was looking forward to it.  He was sure he’d miss Ben, but that was what comms were for.

Now though Hux was dying from the heat.  No one was studying, it was too hot.  Ben was off somewhere with Rey doing something.  Hux didn’t even know, it was four in the afternoon but Hux didn’t care, he was covered in a solid inch of sweat and dead skin and he was going to take a shower.

Once he got back to his room Hux changed into a pair of shorts, but didn’t bother with a shirt as the day was still warm.  He turned on the room fan and collapsed on his bed, seriously considering never leaving his room again.  Not until he could go home to Vessa, where it was currently late winter.

Hux sighed and snagged the soft foam Corellia ball off the shelf above his bed.    He squeezed the ball a few times then set it on his chest.  He took a few deep breaths- the ball wobbled a little but stayed put- and focused, making sure his hands stayed on the sheets.  He felt out the ball with the Force.  He was getting notably faster at this, though his control of the objects he manipulated was still shaky- especially if he was distracted. 

Once he’s got the ball he lifted it up- floating it about three feet above him.  Hux opened his eyes- the ball wobbled a little but stayed put.  Slowly Hux moved the ball in circles, trying to keep it as steady as possible without guiding the ball with his hands.

Ben was coming.  Hux could feel it like the build-up of pressure in the air before a storm. He focused on the ball, determined to keep it floating even when Ben started banging on the door.

Except Ben didn’t bang on the door- there was a strange clicking sound and the door opened on its own- Ben barged in, shouting  “HUX!” at the top of his lungs and then stopped dead. 

The foam ball hit Hux in the face. “Ben what are you doing?”  He sat up.  “Did you _break_ my door?”

Ben was bright red and didn’t seem to know where to look.  “No,” he muttered. “I just unlocked it.”

“Haven’t you ever heard of knocking?” Hux asked.

“I need to show you something,” Ben said.  “Not here.”

“Really?!”

“Hux _please_ ,” Ben said. 

Hux sighed and got up, pulling on a clean, short sleeved shirt.  He was not putting on pants, it was too hot. He slipped his shoes on and looked at Ben expectantly.

“Come on.”  Ben mumbled.  He grabbed Hux’s wrist and pulled him towards the door.

“Where are we going?” Hux asked.

“Out to the fields.” Ben told him.

“How long?” Hux tried to hang back.  If they’re going outside he should-

Ben ignored him and just pulled him along.  As soon as they cleared his door Rey was right there.  She must have been waiting for them.

“Letsgoletsgoletsgo- We’re gonna be late!” she said.

“We won’t be late,” Ben reassured her.  Rey grabbed Hux’s other hand in both of hers and pulled.

Hux relented and let the Solos drag him towards the side door. “Late for what?” he asked.

Rey goggled at him.

“It’s a surprise,” Ben said immediately.

Hux would be more nervous about that, but he was pretty sure Rey wouldn’t let anything horrible happen to him.  Not intentionally.

They nearly collided with the twins as they left the building.

“Oh good!” Pava said. “We weren’t sure anyone’d told him.”

“They haven’t,” Hux told her. “I’m pretty sure I’m being kidnapped.”

“Ben!” both twins said.

“If we stop to talk we’ll miss it!” Ben snapped.

They hurried out to the fields, which were full of people for the first time Hux has ever seen.  In fact the entire school was out in the fields already, in small groups.  Even Skywalker was nearby with a flock of the younger students. As they joined the others Hux became aware of a strange rolling hum.

“Good spot Rey, find us a good spot.” Ben said.

Rey let go of Hux and darted off through the grass she could barely see over.  She flitted around for a moment before stopping dead about 20 feet away and waved them over.

The humming was coming from a huge patch of the grass that was… puffy and dark grey instead of gold.

The spot Rey had picked was only about five yards from the buzzing patch. 

The patch was covered in strange dark grey-

“Are those… bugs?” Hux asked.

“I think they’re technically fish?” Pava said.

“Fishbugs,” Tava added helpfully.

“They’re slipleps!” Rey told him.

“They’re nocturnal,” Ben said softly. “They spend most of their lives in the water, but they lay their eggs on land.”

Hux examined the slipleps.  They look like …squidbeetles?  Squid almost- with no tentacles and a sucker mouth instead.  They also had hard-looking chitiny scales along their back.  Each creature had a single pinkish fin that travelled all around the circumference of the creatures’ bodies, like a skirt.  They were about the size of Hux’s hand, and he had no idea how they got from the ocean to here.  They didn’t appear to have legs.

“So why are we watching them?” Hux asked. 

“Just watch,” Ben said.  He still had a loose grip on Hux’s wrist, and his thumb slid across the heel of Hux’s hand. 

So they stood there and waited.

Should he take Ben’s hand properly?

As the sun started to sink the buzzing pitched up dramatically until it became a strange undulating keening sound.

Hux wanted to ask what was happening, but everyone else had gone quiet.  Abruptly the slipleps fell silent too, and Ben squeezed his wrist.

Almost as one the hard panels along the backs of the slipleps popped open and the little creatures unfurled two large billowy wings.  Or maybe fins, Hux didn’t know, but each set of wings was a unique blend of pink, purple and orange- like the sunset behind them.

“Oh.” Hux whispered. Ben slid his hand down and Hux laced their fingers together without thought.

Then the slipleps took flight.  Hux half expected to be hit by the strange creatures, but the slipleps swirled around them in a humming tornado of dusk colored wings before flying off toward the ocean.

“Come on,” Ben said, tugging at Hux’s hand.  And then the whole school was off running after the slipleps. 

They all stop when they reached the cliffs, and watched the slipleps spiral down into the sea and sink below the water.

“Oh,” Hux repeated.  He couldn’t seem to find any other words.  Ben was grinning when Hux looked at him.

He grinned even wider when he caught Hux looking.  Ben tugged him close and kissed him right there in front of the entire school.

Most everyone was still watching the slipleps of course, but as Hux kissed back he heard the twins gasp from somewhere behind him.  He could feel other eyes too.  Let them look.

* * *

The next morning Ben went to find Hux after he didn’t show up for breakfast.  He found him sitting on the floor of his room tending to a truly impressive sunburn.

“This is why I asked how long we’d be out.” Hux was almost pouting at him as he smeared more soothing gel on the back of his neck.

“We were only in the sun for an hour!” Ben protested.  “it was _setting_!”

Hux’s neck, chest, ears, part of his legs and most of his face were burned bright red.  “That’s all it takes,” he explained. 

Ben flopped down next to him, feeling dejected. “It’s never happened before.”

“I go through a ridiculous amount of sunblock,” Hux admitted. “But I’d just washed it all off yesterday.”

Ben felt terribly guilty.  “You could have said.” He pouted, trying to at least share the blame.  Ben reached out and took the bottle of gel from Hux, squeezing some out onto his fingers.

Hux sighed. He’s not angry, Ben realized.  Annoyed and uncomfortable with the burns but not angry. “I know,” he agreed.  “But you looked so eager.”

Ben reached out and began carefully coating the angry red tip of Hux’s left ear with the gel.  Hux froze under his hand for just a moment- before resuming smearing gel on his chest.  He was watching Ben from the corner of his eye.  Ben’s fingers trailed up and then down around the shell of the ear.

“ _Ben._ ” Hux said pointedly. He reached for the bottle Ben’s still holding.

“Oh! Sorry.” Ben quickly handed the gel over. “Sorry.”

“You said that already,” Hux said.  He moved on to coating his legs.  Hux was in shorts again today, and there’s a band of burnt skin on his thighs just where his shorts hang. “Why’d you come to see me?”

Ben didn’t answer right away, distracted by Hux rubbing the gel on his legs.  Eventually Hux threw him a look and asked. “Are you awake?”

“I, yeah, I-“ _Great start Ben_.  “I was just…” _Staring at your legs.  You have great legs.  I love your legs.  I love you._

That last thought might have bled over a little, Hux went very still before shooting Ben an almost frightened expression.

“Don’t.” Ben said aloud, and it took a moment for his brain to catch up with his mouth. “Don’t worry about it.  It’s fine.”

If anything Hux looked more stricken.

Ben cast about for absolutely anything else to talk about.  “You wanna head to the shooting range?  Or should you stay inside? Um…”

“It’s fine Ben,” Hux said.  “I’m fine.  I just need to avoid the sun slightly more than usual for a while…. I supposed the shooting range is covered.”

“It is.”  Ben very carefully reached out and linked hands with Hux.  Hux let him, and squeezed his fingers.  Ben relaxed.  They were ok.

* * *

Ben woke up in Hux’s bed.  Again.

They must have fallen asleep while talking last night, and now here they were- sprawled out on top of the sheets in yesterday’s clothes.

It wasn’t the first time, or the second… or the third.  Hux was a terrible influence, he never had such an unhealthy relationship with sleep before.

Hux groaned and rolled over…running into Ben.  “Oh,” he said, his eyes still closed.

“G’morning Hux.”

“Good morning Ben.”  Hux opened his eyes, and Ben was briefly distracted by Hux’s pale lashes.

Ben wanted to kiss him- so he did.  First on the forehead and then on the lips that tipped up to meet his. 

Hux hummed into the kiss. “Your mouth tastes disgusting,” he said when they pull apart.

Ben snorted. “Yours was super gross too, beautiful.”

Hux blushed and buried his face in the pillow.

Hux’s datapad- left over on his desk- starts chiming in an overloud and obnoxious way.  Hux’s groan was mostly muffled by the pillow, but then he climbed over Ben and _got_ up.  He went and sat on his desk, and turned off the alarm.

“Why’d you leeeaave?” Ben complained.

Hux smiled. “Sadly I don’t have time to cuddle.  I’m leaving in an hour and I need to take a shower.”

Ben had known Hux was leaving today but- “This early?”

Hux nodded. “This way I’ll get home really late at night instead of crazy early in the morning.”

Ben sighed, but sat up.  “I guess that’s a good reason.  I won’t be able to talk to you much the first week, Rey and I are staying here for a bit so you’ll have to call the school if you want to talk.”

“Why are you staying?” Hux asked, he set his datapad down and turned to face Ben.

“Mom and Dad are busy- apparently too busy to pick up their own kids- so we’re staying here with Uncle Luke until he finishes closing down the school and then he’ll take us home.” He almost managed to sound not upset.

“That sucks.” 

Ben shrugged, but he’s glad Hux said it.  “A little.  But it’s not too bad.  The baby slipleps should be hatching soon, so that’ll keep me and Rey busy.”

“Why?” Hux asked.

“When they first hatch they’re shit at flying and have no sense of direction.  So Rey and I’ll spend a few days shooing them towards the ocean.  You’re technically not supposed to help them- because Nature or something.  But you try telling Rey we have to just let the birds eat them.” 

Hux huffed. “I don’t think I will.”

* * *

Ben: Ha! I have a datapad!  
Ben: now we can talk all we want!  
Ben: Hux  
Ben: Huuux  
Ben: Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhkkkssssssss  
Ben: wait  
Ben: its like really late on Vessa isnt it?  
Hux: Yes  
Ben: ohshit  
Ben: Im sorry  
Hux: technically s really early  
Ben: oh dang youre too tired to use punctuation.  
Hux: the fux are you talking about grammar for?  
Ben: Fux  
Ben: was that a typo?  
Ben: Best Typo  
Hux: Stop.  
Hux: Talking.  
Ben: Hux you wrote fucks with an x!!!!  
Hux: Ill yell at you tomorrow  
Ben: Hux that was the best thing Ive ever seen.  
Ben: Hux Fux  
Ben: Hux’s Fux  
Ben: Amazing.  
Ben: How many fux do you have Hux?  
Ben: Probably none.  
Ben: No fux for Hux  
Hux: I hate you so much  
Ben: I hate you too. <3

* * *

Ben jolted awake- not from a dream but from a sudden intense feeling of fear.  It blipped out as suddenly as it began but it left Ben with a stomach-churning feeling of dread.  He sat up so quickly his head spun.  His first instinct was to send Hux a comm- so he dug up his datapad from the mess of his desk and did. 

It went to his message system.

That’s totally reasonable.  He tried to tell himself- it was … early evening on Vessa. Hux’s probably busy.  Ben shut his eyes and reached out through the Force.  Vessa was far for him to reach without meditating, but he could usually at least sense Hux a little from here.

There was nothing.

Ben knew he wasn’t being objective- not being calm but he couldn’t seem to calm himself.  Maybe he just needed to be closer? He ran out of his room, heading for the balcony off the den.

In the den Rey was sitting on the floor eating dry cereal and watching some kind of cartoon holo featuring rainbow colored huttlets.  Ben nearly ran her over in his haste, swerving around her at the last second.

“Ben!” she shouted as he blew by, but he didn’t stop or apologize.

Out on the balcony the sun was still creeping up over the mountains, but the stars were already gone, dissolved into the soft lavender sky.  It didn’t matter.   Ben knew where Hux was- you could see the star from here at night.

He focused again.  Ignoring everything, the hum of the city, Rey’s voice behind him, the presence of his uncle and mother somewhere in the apartment.  He let it all fade away and looked for the gentle fluttery feeling Hux left in the Force. 

It wasn’t there.

“Ben? Ben look at me.  What’s wrong?” 

It’s Uncle Luke, kneeling beside him.  When had he knelt?  His knees ache sharply, as do the heels of his hands.

“He isn’t there.” Ben heard himself say.

“Ben? Who isn’t there?” Uncle Luke gently tugged his face down, making him look away from that horribly _empty_ spot of sky. 

It’s easier to speak now, looking at Uncle Luke’s worried face and kind eyes. “Hux.  He isn’t where he should be.  Something happened.  Something _bad_. I- I can feel it.”

He could sense Uncle Luke reaching out with the Force. He saw the second he confirmed Hux’s absence in the sudden frown that crossed his face.  “You’re right. Come on.”  He stood and pulled Ben up after him.  “We need to find out what happened.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I fully intended to post this chapter yesterday, but then my power went out! So instead I sat around in the dark and read the first 100 pages of the Phasma novel by flashlight before giving up and going to be two hours early.
> 
> Content Warning:  
> Someone vomits this chapter, if that bugs you. Um, also the Past Child Abuse becomes current child abuse for a while. Time to update the tags.

 Ben stared at the holo of Hux's mom and listened numbly.

Hux was gone.  _Taken_.  The local police force on Vessa have confirmed it.

She showed them security footage from a local junk shop. While walking back from the market that afternoon Hux had been jumped.  The footage showed him being dragged off camera by a massive person in a hood.

Hux had sensed them coming- but too late.  He’d started to turn toward them just a split second before they were on him.  After Hux was dragged off another hooded person was seen briefly pawing through the bags Hux dropped.  He didn’t take anything and was soon gone too.

The recording was their only lead.  They didn’t even know if Hux was still on Vessa.

Ben couldn’t feel him there though.  He could try scouring the galaxy for him but with not even an idea where Hux was it would take a while- far too long.  If only there was a more reliable way to track him-

“Did he have his datapad with him?” Ben asked- interrupting the solemn platitudes his mom was saying.  Hux _always_ had his datapad with him.

“No,”  Hux’s mom said.  “He left it here.”

Ben was crushingly disappointed.  He left the room entirely- retreating to his room and dropping onto his bed, burying his face in his pillow.

Of course the one time they needed Hux to have his datapad with him he didn’t have it.

Ben remembered the figure searching through Hux’s bags and his stomach dropped.  Maybe it was a good thing Hux’s datapad wasn’t with him.  Considering what Hux kept on it.  He felt sick.  If the people who took Hux were looking for his datapad then they were definitely First Order.  They’re the only people who would know about Starkiller.

Ben sat up and shut his eyes.  Trying to focus enough to search out Hux now that he had at least a branch of the galaxy in mind.

_He was swallowed up in a confusing rush of searing heat and bitter burning cold.  The dual feeling split neatly in two and then he got a glimpse of blocky industrial buildings against a red sky locked in eternal twilight.  Bare durasteel floors and walls and an Imperial style cap with the First Order logo on in.  He’s see a hat like that before.  Hux still has his from his time at-_

“Ben.”

He startled back to reality with the name of the planet he’d just seen on his lips.  _Narrytt._   Hux had told him about it, a miserable perpetually gloomy planet that housed the Order’s Officer Academy.  _That_ was where Hux was being taken.  He _knew_ it.

“Why did you ask about his datapad?” his mom asked.  She was in the doorway.

“Mom I know-”

“Why did you ask about his datapad?” she cut him off.  She stepped inside and the door slid shut behind her.

“Narrytt!”

Mom frowned. “What?”

“He’s on Narrytt!”  Ben said. “I _saw_ it.”

Leia hesitated.  “Ben…” her tone was soft but Ben could already read the denial in her face.  She came to sit beside him on his bed before continuing. “Even if you’re right…Narrytt is deep in First Order space.  We can’t just go get him.”

“Why _not_?” Ben asked.

Mom gave him a ‘you should know better’ look.  “The First Order is a separate, potentially hostile government.  We can’t just go barging in to their space-“

“That’s bullshit!” Ben shouted. “They’re the ones kidnapping people!”

Mom sighed and laid a hand on his shoulder.  But Ben can feel the violence under his skin, the urge to shove her away, bend her fingers back- he pulled away and stormed across the room putting space between them.  He folded his arms, digging his nails into his own arms.  The lights flickered.

“You need to calm down.” Mom said tersely.  As if that has ever helped.  Hux would know what to do, he thought wildly.  Hux knew how to bleed the rage away.  But Hux _isn’t here_.

The light in his refresher exploded.

“Ben!” Mom stood now, her hands balled into fists.   “Everyone is doing everything they can to help your friend.  You-”

“Liar,” Ben hissed.  As always his mother’s tension- fear- ate at him.  Made him angry.  She was his _mother_. She was supposed to be one of the people who _weren’t_ scared of him.  “We’re sitting around listening to the police be confused, how is that helping?  You hate him!  You wouldn’t even be doing this much if I hadn’t sensed something had happened to him!”

“Ben Solo that is enough-”

“I just told you where he is and you said we couldn’t go get him!” Ben knew he was shouting but he didn’t want to stop.  The mirror in the refresher cracked. “How is that ‘doing everything you can?!’”

“You’re too worked up to talk to right now,” Mom said.  Her tone was flat, her voice calm.  Ben could feel the roil of emotions inside her though- including a nearly overwhelming wave of helplessness followed immediately by determination.  “You are going to stay in here and calm down.  Once you’re ready to behave we’ll talk about this.”  She turned and left.  A red light on the doorpanel indicated the security lock had been placed on his door.  Only his mother and father knew the codes to disable the lock, and he couldn’t break it without them knowing.

He was trapped in here.  While every second Hux got farther away.

 _Alright Ben_ , he said to himself. _Focus.  You know where he’ll be soon. Narrytt’s all the way across the galaxy._   He had plenty of time to catch up to Hux’s kidnappers.  They couldn’t keep him in his room forever, he’ll get out eventually.  He’d better had a plan for when the time comes.

* * *

It’s almost six hours later when he had put together enough of a plan to go on.  It was dark now, had been for hours, and the house is quiet.  Ben slipped out of his room- his mom had unlocked it a few hours earlier when she came to tell him dinner was ready.  He hadn’t felt like eating.  He still didn’t, his stomach was a big knot of anxiety and outside his door he paused to take a few deep breaths.  He went to check on Rey first.  She and Chewie were curled up in her little bed together snoring in harmony.  Good.  Most of the lights are off, but the kitchen was lit up and as Ben crept through the living room he can hear his parents in there, doing their ‘quiet so the kids don’t hear’ variety of arguing.

Uncle Luke was asleep and didn’t stir when Ben crept into the guest room.  The lightsaber was right there on top of the dresser- easily accessible but outside Rey’s reach and line of sight.  Ben almost tried to grab it with the Force, but that was more likely to grab Uncle Luke’s attention.  Instead he took a deep breath and held it as he hurried across the room, scooped the saber up and darted back out of the room.  He didn’t breathe again until the door slid shut behind him.  Ben clutched the saber to his chest and tried not to think too loudly as he snuck past the kitchen were his parents were still talking.

No one stopped him.  Uncle Luke didn’t sudden rouse and come after him.  His parents were distracted- he heard his Dad saying “ _kidnapping isn’t a diplomatic incident?”_ as he passed. He slipped out the front door and took the lift up to the personal vehicle ports.

He’d thought about taking the Falcon- but that was a lot of ship for one person and it was docked across town anyway.

Mom’s personal shuttle would have to work.  It was a tiny little ship.  Meant for one and designed for intra-system travel, not deep space ventures, but it was lightspeed capable.  Rey called it ‘Mama’s Fish Ship.’  It did look a bit like a fish- a slightly flattened ovoid body with a cone shaped engine bank at the back.  It even had a mostly-for-style dorsal stabilizer.

Ben used the override code to unlock the ship and slid into the pilot’s seat.  He knew where Hux was, and if no one else will help him then he’ll go get Hux himself.

* * *

Hux’s eyelids weighed a hundred pounds each and would not open.  His head felt stuffed with wool.  When he finally forced his eyes open it was far too bright.  He tried to turn away from the light but he couldn’t move far.  He’s strapped to a bed, his hands fastened securely to the metal railings on the bedframe.  That was… strange.

It’s wrong.  A small voice whispered.  This was very very wrong.

“Fuck,” an unfamiliar voice said.  “He’s waking up.”

Hux set about doing just that- it was like trying to crawl out of a Sarlaac.  He got hit with a wall of panic that was not his own.  Someone else’s anxiety ate at him, he focused as best he could on clearing the fog from his head.

“Well knock him out again!”  Another voice snapped.

“I can’t just keep putting him under!  It’ll give him brain damage! They specifically said they needed his brain intact!”

“I know what they said! We’re almost there- one more dose won’t kill him.  And if he wakes up enough to use the Force we’ll be the dead ones!”

Someone grabbed his right elbow, bracing his arm against the bed.  He felt a sharp sting in his inner elbow.

“We’d be there already if you didn’t fly like a blind Wookiee!” the first voice said.

 _All the Wookiees I know are really good pilots actually_ , he thought before the drugs grabbed him and pulled him back under.

* * *

It wasn’t pretty going to sublight.

Ben couldn’t risk exiting hyperspace too early.  The Fish Ship didn’t have cloaking technology and had only minimal attack power.  If he came out of lightspeed too soon the defensive sensors around the planet would notice him and then he’d get picked off by First Order forces before he could land.

He’d have to come out of lightspeed as close to the planet as possible- preferably already in atmosphere.

He could do this.  Hux needed him.

The Fish Ship handled like he was actually flying a fish when he cut the hyperdrive and frantically tried to pull up before being smeared all over the rocky surface of Narrytt.

He just barely made it, leveling out just in time to skid out of control across a wide thankfully flat expanse of snow and ice. A particularly large ice crystal sent him skidding off in a different direction entirely and he couldn’t do much more than hold on and try not to throw up.  Finally the Fish Ship came to a stop in a particularly large snow bank.   About half of the warning sirens were still blaring but Ben ignored then to take stock of his surroundings.  He’d landed on the night side of the planet- but the sky off to his right was notably lighter, so he wasn’t too far from the border.  And Hux was there.  He could sense him.  Most of the sirens had shut off now, so Ben powered up the Fish Ship and got going.

Finding the First Order’s settlement on Narrytt was easy enough, it was the only thing within sight bleeding life energy into the Force.  The First Order Officer’s Academy was on the edge of the small cramped settlement.  Ben avoided the town proper, instead he snuck around the edges of the school compound until he found the landing pads- and back behind them a small wood of sickly trees.

The Fish Ship was absolutely tiny though, so Ben managed to bring it down within a few hundred yards of the tree line.

Then it was just a frantic dash across some blacktop to the closest building.  Ben slipped into the first unlocked door he found.

It’s a locker room.  Ben made a face as the combined odor of industrial cleansers and body sweat hit him.  Gross.

There were a few boys in the showers- Ben gave them a wide berth and started looking through the banks of lockers, popping the cheap manual locks with the Force.  After a half dozen lockers he found a uniform that looked the right size.

Ben changed quickly, stuffing his clothes in a nearby towel hamper.  He headed out as quickly as he could.  He needed to find Hux.

* * *

It took a long time for Hux to wake up again.

He drifted slowly towards consciousness- becoming aware of the world in fits and starts.

He heard the murmur of voices first- far away but familiar. They faded away before he could make out what they were saying.

It was some time later he realized he was lying on a bed.  The headache arrived not long after and Hux groaned and tried to escape the pounding in his head.  All he succeeded in doing was dragging his face across the rough pillowcase that made him think _infirmary_.  He rolled onto his side and tried to think past his aching head.  His brain helpfully catalogued that he was under a blanket and that he was not wearing shoes.  Nothing else was forthcoming.  Not why he was in the infirmary.  Not why his head ached so.  Although those two facts might be related.  His mouth was bone-dry and tasted terrible.  _Dehydrated?_ Maybe.  He should drink something.  He tried to catalogue any other injuries.  After his head the most pressing complaint he had was that his right arm throbbed, the pain dull but radiating out from his inner elbow… where the injection site was.

Hux forced himself to sit up and open his eyes.  He’d been kidnapped.  He recalled now, being jumped outside the market and later strapped to a bed on a ship with a needle in his arm.

Sitting up was a bad idea- opening his eyes was an even worse one.  He nearly vomited immediately.  His head swam and ached fiercely and what he saw didn’t help.

He was not in the infirmary.  He was on a cot from the infirmary, but he was in his father’s study- the one just off his office at the Academy.

Hux saw the empty bin with just enough time to grab it before he puked.  All that came up was stomach acid and bile.  He must have been unconscious for some time- he’d eaten not long before going to the market… Narrytt was at least three days from Vessa.  No wonder he felt so terrible.

He wretched a second time but nothing more came up.  Hux set the bin down and scooted it away so the sight and smell of it wouldn’t set him off again.

There was a glass of water and a nutrient bar on a side table by his cot.  Hux stared at them, trying to figure out what they mean.  Why were they there?  For him?  Poisoned?  He frowned, recalling what his kidnappers had said during the brief time he’d been awake.

If they ‘needed his brain’ it probably wasn’t poisonous.

His mouth tasted awful.

Decision made, Hux drained half the glass savoring the feel of the water sliding down his throat.  His stomach churned unhappily and after checking that he was still alone Hux snagged the nutrient bar and nearly inhaled the first few bites.

He remembered these bars tasting bad- but this one was just bland, almost tasteless.  Was it a different type of bar?  Or was his mouth just used to very different tastes now?

Halfway through the bar he paused to take another sip of water.  The dizziness was gone and the headache had receded to only a vague ache in one temple.

He didn’t have any clothes on.

He was sitting on a cot in his father’s study in his boxers.

Hux dropped the bar and clamped a hand over his mouth to hold in the hysterical laughter he felt welling in the back of his throat.  Or maybe that was more vomit.

 _Stop freaking out._   He told himself sternly.

When this didn’t calm his racing heart or the feeling of _something_ in his throat Hux tried the breath counting techniques Ben had shown him.  He counted his breathes in and out from a jittery one to a steady five count.  It no longer felt like he was going to spew anything if he dropped his hand, so he did.

Alright.  Resources. Assets.  He took a bite of nutrient bar.  He had that, for now, and the glass of water.  All his clothing was gone- all he had was his underwear.  They were his underwear at least.  He spared a moment to be upset that his shirt was gone.  He’d liked that shirt.  _Ben_ liked that shirt.

The door to the ‘fresher was open.  Hux examined it while he ate the rest of his nutrient bar.  He drained his water too and then took the glass with him as he stood and crept toward the ‘fresher.

There was a cadet uniform on the toilet.  Hux stared at it like it was a venomous snake.  There was nothing else in the refresher except a tin of pomade and a comb on the sink.

…There were no windows in his father’s study.  The only way out was through the Commandant’s office.

His father was in there.  He’s sure of it.  He definitely didn’t want to confront his father in his underwear.  Sighing Hux donned the cadet uniform.  He slicked his hair back with the pomade- it was too long to be regulation but Hux wouldn’t cut it even if he could.

Hux caught his own eyes in the mirror over the sink- he looked very pale and like he was going to throw up again.  But more than that he looked far too much like he used to- like Cadet Armitage Hux of the First Order Academy- top of his class, star of the Advanced Engineering program, son of Commandant Brendol Hux.  He looked like the last year hadn’t happen.

Hux tore his gaze away and stared down at the pomade tin.  He focused, and the jar rose up a few inches off the counter.  It wobbled pathetically, but it made Hux feel immeasurably better.  He took a deep breath and met his eyes in the mirror again.

“You are not afraid,” he told himself.  _Could you Jedi Mind Trick yourself?_   he wondered.  He took the uniform cap off the counter and put it on.

Fully dressed as who he used to be Hux left the bathroom and went to the door leading to his father’s office.

He could do this.  This was just the first step to getting home.

He palmed the door open.

His father was at his desk, working on his computer.  He barely glanced up as the door opened.  The door out to the hall was locked.

“Sit,” he ordered.

Hux moved to the single chair in front of the desk and sat.

Commandant Hux took three more minutes to finish reading the document before him. _Then_ looked up at Hux.

His father studied him intently.  Hux didn’t pry, but he could nearly hear his father cataloguing how Hux had changed.  His hair was longer of course, but he was also taller and his freckles more obvious- the additional sun brought them out.

Hux stared back- his father was a bit thinner and greyer but largely unchanged.  He waited for his father to speak.  He would not speak first.  His father seemed to be waiting for the same thing.

Hux has had much practice in patience.  He waited.

“I have some questions,” his father said.

Hux nodded but said nothing.

His father opened up a holofile and a copy of his initial plans for Starkiller appeared in the air between them.  “Do you recognize this?”

“Yes.”

His father’s eyes narrowed at the lack of a _sir_ in Hux’s response.  “What is it?”

“It’s one of my Advanced Engineering projects,” Hux said.

His father leaned forward.  “Have you made any additional progress on this… Starkiller design?”

Hux hesitated, unsure what answer would serve him best.  “Yes,” he admitted.

“Good,” his father said.  “You will provide this information in exchange-”

“No.”

His father blinked in surprise.  “Excuse me?”

“I said no,”  Hux repeated. “I will not be telling anyone anything about Starkiller.”

His father was slowly going red in the face.  “You are not in a position to be making demands boy,” he hissed.

“That wasn’t a demand that was a fact,” Hux said calmly.  He was proud he managed to sound so together.  He wanted to cry or punch someone- probably his father- or both.

He didn’t want to be here.  He wanted to go home and see his mother again.  He wanted to be in their kitchen, not here seated in this clinical office arguing with his distant father.  Had he even cared that Hux was gone?  Or at all?

His father was staring at him like he’d seen a particular annoying ghost.

It was not a conscious decision on Hux’s part to reach out for answers from the man across from him.  It might have been a reflex built up from prolonged exposure to Ben and their habit of speaking straight in each other’s head.  Or maybe he just wanted so much to understand, to know _why_ and so the Force dumped him headfirst into his father’s thoughts.

_“I am not arguing with you, I’m just telling you the truth.” Astra said serenely.  She was smiling at him and radiating that sense of calm that had initially drawn him to her._

_“Oh are you?”  Brendol asked, but he was not really concerned with what they were talking about- it was forgotten in favor of admiring her beauty as the sun lit up her golden hair._

_-the memory shifted immediately to Armitage at about age three.  He was sitting on the window seat of their tiny family quarters on the Imperial ship they’d fled in. That seat had doubled as the boy’s bed for the next three years.  Armitage was looking out the window at a passing gas giant.  He looked strange and sickly in the reflected green glow of the planet- but his face was the same absolutely serene expression his mother had._

_There was no love.  Hux wasn’t really surprised, though there was one final stab of disappointment as his father’s memories confirm what he’s always known.  Brendol Hux looked at his son and saw a liability. An asset, potentially.  A thing that might be useful to him but one he would have left behind if not for his orders._

_Hux felt his father’s deep envy of him and his mother’s apparent calm.  Brendol had never seen Astra upset.  Except-_

_The bundle of blankets tucked under one arm wiggled._

_“Mama?”  Armitage sounded more confused than upset.  For now at least._

_Astra was a different story._

_She was already crying as she tried to get around him and to the boy. “Give him back!  You can’t take him! You can’t!”_

_He didn’t have time for this. He shoved the small woman away-hard.  Astra slammed into the wall and dropped, stunned._

_Brendol Hux locked the door behind him.  He heard banging on the door but ignored it._

_“Mama?!” Armitage had wiggled his head out of the blankets.  He was looking around, and he was frowning.  Brendol shook the child._

_“Quiet.” He snapped. “Your mother is gone-”_

Hux was ripped from his father’s mind when the Commandant slapped him.

His cheek burned.

“You should have left me with her,” Hux said.

“You would have been killed when the Rebels took the planet!” his father snapped.

“I was a _toddler_.  We both know that isn’t true.” Hux said. “Why did you even take me at all?”

“The Empire needs children,” his father said.

“The Empire is _dead_.”

“The _Order_ needs children,” His father insisted.  As if Hux was just a means to an end.

“Then maybe you should have tried fucking your actual wife!” he snarled.

The second slap was much harder than the first.  It knocked Hux off his chair and he barely managed to catch himself before his head smacked on the ground.  He could taste blood in his mouth.

His father stood over him, shaking with rage.  He was angrier than Hux had ever seen him.

“You will not speak to me that way boy.”

Hux wasn’t scared.

It was a strange realization, Hux had been afraid of his father’s disapproval- of the man himself- for most of his life.  But now he just… wasn’t.  He was angry at his father but not scared.  His father never really cared who Hux was in the first place.   Now that he’d escaped the mold his father had tried to force him into it hardly made sense to walk right back into that same trap just because his father was upset.  When had he ever cared that Hux was upset or scared? Or _happy_ for that matter? 

Hux spat out a mouthful for blood- he must have bitten his cheek, it stung something awful.

 _I’ll be however I want to be._ Hux told himself.

Hux looked up and met his father’s eyes.  His father’s face twisted in rage- but someone knocked on the door before he acted on it.

His father stalked past him to open the door and shouted “What?” in the face of the aide waiting outside.

Hux doubted he could focus well enough to hit his father with anything- even if he could lift something heavy enough to do decent damage.  Could he mind trick his father?  _No_ , he thought immediately.  Which meant that it probably wouldn’t work even if he tried.

“Sir, the Supreme Leader has settled in the fourth floor meeting hall.  He said he’s ready to meet the boy.”

“Inform him we’ll be there shortly.” His father snapped before shutting the door in the aide’s face.

The Commandant turned back to him.  His face was flushed but set in a harsh frown.  He strode back over to Hux and hauled him to his feet by his arm.  Hux tried to squirm away but his father had much more mass than he did.  The Commandant twisted Hux’s arms behind him and pushed Hux in front of him out the door.

“We’ll see how long your insolence lasts when you’re before the Supreme Leader.”


	18. Chapter 18

Once Ben left the locker room he followed the vague echoes of Hux’s thoughts through the school.  He tried reaching out for Hux more than once- but all he got back was a tight sense of anxiety. 

Whatever was happening to Hux was stressing him out too much for him to hear Ben.  At least he wasn’t in pain.

It was slow going.  He’d turn down a corridor only to realize after a few meters that Hux was getting farther away, not closer.  It was like playing a giant, incredibly nerve-wracking game of Hot and Cold.

There had been a lot of students at first, all heading in a not-Hux direction as quickly as they could.  He had just caught the tail end of an announcement as he had entered the main building- something about the Mess Hall.  He had ducked into a ‘fresher until the crowd passed and now he was wandering his way towards Hux in empty halls.

There was a flare of anger and a sharp bite of pain from Hux.  Ben abandoned any pretense of stealth or blending in and ran down the halls towards Hux.  He was close, he knew he was.

He ran into a man just as he turned a corner.  Ben cursed under his breath, he didn’t have time for this.

Ben slammed the man back into the wall.  He had a few inches on the man- an aide?- and used it to his advantage.  “Where’s Hux?” he snarled.

The man tried to shove him off.  “The Commandant’s busy you-”

“Not that Hux.” This man was a loud thinker, and Ben saw Hux being dragged away towards the lifts without even trying.  He reached in and ripped out the rest of what he needed before knocking the man out.

The fourth floor.  That’s where they were going.  The lifts were some distance away- but the stairs were right here.  Ben dragged the unconscious man into the stairwell and left him to sprint up the stairs.

There was no one in the long hall on the fourth floor.  The lifts were down this hall and around another corner- Ben knew from the information he pulled out of the aide’s head.  Hux wasn’t here yet- but Ben could sense him coming.  He strode down the hall towards Hux… there was a door on the left about halfway down the hall.  It felt odd, a strange Force energy surrounded it, Ben eyed it as he passed.  It was… familiar.  There’s a sense that something behind that door noticed him in return- but then the lift chimed and Ben rushed to intercept it, forgetting the door for now.

He stopped just at the corner and waited, feeling out with the Force.  Hux was there, being dragged toward him by a large man- but just one.

Ben knocked the man out as he stepped around the corner, using the Force to drop him without even touching him.  And then it was just him and Hux.

“ _Ben._ ” Hux looked at him like he was something impossible and wonderful.  A ship that could make the Kessel run in _10_ parsecs, a kyber crystal that sung just right…

He should say some sort of clever one-liner he thought, but he’d been too worried to think up one already and- and now Hux was hugging him.  Hux. Was initiating hugging.

Ben hugged him back of course- trying to keep his hands from shaking too much.  It didn’t matter though, Hux was shaking too.

“It’s alright.  I found you.”  Ben said, not sure if he was reassuring Hux or himself.  “I found you and now we’re going home.”

Hux pressed his face into Ben’s shoulder and made a noise that might be muffled laughter. 

“I’ll _always_ find you,” Ben said, putting as much conviction as he could into the words. 

Hux looked up at him, eyes wet.  “You mean that don’t you?” he asked.

“Yes.”

Hux smiled and let Ben go to wipe his eyes.  He looked down and nudged the unconscious man with a toe.  The man has red hair, Ben realized, and there’s something familiar in the lines of his jaw and chin.

“What’d you do?” Hux asked curiously- not even a hint of judgement. 

_I love you._   Ben thought, maybe kind of loudly because Hux gave him that scrunchy-nosed look he got when he thought Ben was being too mushy.

“I knocked him out for a while- he should be fine. I think.” Ben said.  He almost didn’t want to ask, in case he was wrong. “…Is that your dad?”

Hux nodded.  “We need to keep moving.”

“Yeah.”  Ben agreed.  He hadn’t paid attention to the man hauling Hux around before he’d knocked him out.  He’d just seen the man’s hands clamped around Hux’s arms. And read the fear in Hux’s body language, and acted.

He was still half hugging Hux, and he couldn’t quite bring himself to let go of Hux completely, so he kept his arms slung around Hux’s waist as they turned away from the lift and back towards the stairs.  For all Hux made the scrunchy-nosed face whenever feelings came up he didn’t pull away from Ben.

As they rounded the corner the doors in the middle of the hall opened.

“Ben?”  Hux asked.  He was beside Ben still- held in the circle of Ben’s arms.  Ben had stopped when the door opened, forcing Hux to stop too. 

A tall humanoid being stepped out of the room.  He was swathed in dark glittery robes that made it look like he was gliding across the room.  He was bald with piecing blue eyes, and one side of his face was horribly disfigured.  It looked like part of his jaw is missing.

Hux went rigid in Ben’s arms.  It’s the man with the caved-in face.  Ben had seen him in the memories Hux had shared with him.

“He makes you weak.” The man with the caved-in face said.  _Snoke_ said, his words echoing horribly familiarly in his mind. In his ears.

“No.”  Ben whispered.  That couldn’t- but it was.  It was him. 

“Snoke,” he said.  He felt the ripples of Hux’s shock.  Snoke.  The man who murdered Hux in his visions was the same one who’d been talking to Ben in his head for years. 

_~No wonder he wants to kill me.~_ Hux thought at Ben.

He did, Ben realized. Snoke wanted to kill Hux.  He could feel Snoke’s rage from here, all of it directed at Hux.  He was still more than halfway down the hall but Snoke could throttle Hux from here- the only reason he had not was because he needed something from Hux first.

 _~My father kept asking me about Starkiller.~_ Hux told him.

Ben backpedaled, dragging Hux with him back down the hall past where Hux’s father was laying on the floor.

“Emergency stairs?” he asked.  He did not want to get stuck in the lift. Someone just had to hit the emergency stop and they’d be trapped.

Hux shook his head. “Back that way at the other end of the hall.” The way he came up.

They had nowhere to go and no time.

“Can you break the window?” Hux asked, stepping around his father- who was now groaning and beginning to wake.  He’d be up soon and Ben wasn’t sure if he should knock him out again.

Ben examined the long windows in the hallway. 

“Try focusing on a corner,” Hux said.  “These are supposed to pop out in case of emergencies.”

Ben picked the top corner nearest him and shoved all the Force energy he could muster into it as hard and as fast as he could.

The top corner of the window popped out- as did the bottom corner- and then the whole pane peeled away.  There’s a distant crash as it hit the ground.

“We’re on the fourth floor.” Ben remembered.  Snoke was getting closer- he didn’t seem to be able to move very quickly, but the sound of the window breaking has spurred him on. 

Hux glanced behind him nervously.  He must have felt it too.  “It’s just like the Force catching something right?  But bigger.”

 _But neither of us have ever done anything this big before._  Ben thought.

He nodded anyway.  They didn’t have a choice.  They climbed up onto the narrow window ledge and for a breathless moment they just looked at each other.

Ben could hear Snoke’s light footsteps behind them.  They jumped.

The ground rushing up at them did wonders for Ben’s concentration, and apparently Hux’s as well because the landing was not that bad.  Ben landed a little rough and felt a twinge in one of his ankles.   He ignored it.  Hux overbalanced and fell forward scraping his palms on the broken glass but besides that he looked fine.

Hux was on his feet before Ben was.  They were in an inner courtyard unfortunately- not outside the complex.  Hux looked around wildly trying to get his bearings.

“Where’s your-”

“In a little wooded area on the other side of a landing pad,” he said.

Hux nodded like he knew where Ben was talking about. He took Ben’s hand and tugged him off to their left.

Once in the building they ran full tilt down the hall until Hux grabbed him by the shirtfront and dragged him sideways into an offshoot and stopped. 

“Hux what-”

“Shh!” Hux hissed.  “The alarms aren’t going off,” he said and bizarrely, started fixing Ben’s collar.  “Which means they’re trying to keep this quiet.  Which means most of the staff and students-”

“Won’t recognize us,”  Ben realized.  “Especially if we look the part.”

Hux nodded and reached up to fix Ben’s hair.  He made a face as soon as he touched it.  “When’s the last time you showered? Your hair is disgusting.”

“Like three days ago I was distracted alright?”  Ben snapped quietly.

Hux rolled his eyes and abandoned Ben’s hair. “It’s way too long- try to hide it under your cap.”

Ben obediently tried to twist most of his hair up in a bun and shoved it under his hat.

Hux was fussing with his own hair- it was slicked back in an unfamiliar style, but Hux’s efforts to make it lie flat spoke of deep familiarity.  Maybe this was how he used to do his hair?  It didn’t suit him.  Hux shoved the cap back on his head and looked him over. 

“Your jacket is too big and your pants are too short,” he sighed. “It’ll have to do.”

“I didn’t get to pick who I stole clothes from Hux.’ Ben said. “We’re lucky I found a uniform even close to my size.”

Hux almost smiled. “Come on,” he said and stepped confidently out into the hall.  “The woods are this way.”

Like before, all the halls look exactly the same and Ben was quickly lost.  Hux obviously knew where he was going though, and there were no signs of pursuit.  Despite this Hux was getting increasingly uneasy with every intersection they hit. 

“It’s too empty,” he whispered to Ben. “We should have met someone by now.”

“How far is it?” Ben asked. He was whispering too, something about the empty halls made it seem unwise to be louder.  A strange sensation drifted over them- like a sudden influx of cold air dropping right on their heads.  They both froze, staring at each other in silence until the cold left.

Hux shivered. “The fastest way out is through the mess hall and then across the lawn to the woods.  The mess hall is close, only two more turns.”

Hux didn’t address the strange feeling they just had and Ben was grateful.  It felt like if they acknowledged it, if they admitted that that was _Snoke_ and he was _looking for them_ it would somehow draw his attention. 

As they started forward again Ben grabbed Hux’s hand.  It was probably against First Order regulations or something but Hux squeezed his hand and did not let go.

They round one last corner and there was a large set of hinged doors with the words ‘Mess Hall’ inscribed above them.  There was also someone standing guard.  Ben couldn’t tell if the person was a teacher, they seemed too young for that, but too old to still be a student.  Another aide then?

“You’re late.” The guard snapped and his harsh gaze settled on their linked hands.  Hux shook Ben off like he’d got the Iridian Plague.  “All students were to report to the mess hall more than 20 minutes ago.”

Teacher then?  Maybe a new one since he didn’t know Hux on sight?

“Sorry sir.” Hux said immediately, “We were- um…” He glanced back at Ben but Ben had no idea what to say either.

“Please spare me the sordid details.” The teacher said.  He pulled out a datapad.

 _Sordid_ \- did he think they were late because they were _having sex_?

“I have to write you both up either way,” he said. “Student numbers?”

Shit.  Ben definitely didn’t have one of those.  Hux probably did but he could hardly use it.

“You don’t have to write us up,” Hux said firmly.  He didn’t wave a hand but it looked like he didn’t need to.  The door monitor’s eyes went slightly glazed.

“I don’t have to write you up,” he repeated. 

“Our squad leaders are going to rip us a new one anyway. Let us go.” Hux said.

The teacher shook his head. “Your squad leaders’ll rip you a new one anyway.”  He shoved one door open for them and waved them in. “Go on.”

As they walked through the doors the cold feeling came back at triple strength.  It was so cold Ben was surprised his breath didn’t fog the air.

_~There you are.~_

Snoke had found them.

In front of him Hux shivered violently.

The door swung shut behind him.  Trapping him and Hux in a mess hall packed with people. Literally hundreds of people.  He couldn’t fight off even a quarter of the people here, and mind tricks only worked on a few people at a time.

“Calm down,” Hux murmured.  He was paler than usual but his face was determined.  “The door’s right there.” He nodded to another pair of doors on their left, perhaps ten meters away.  “We just need to walk over there- calmly. Like that’s what we’re supposed to be doing.”

“Right.”  Ben swallowed.

They started moving then, skirting around the packed tables and trying to keep to the edges of the room.  Ben felt eyes on them but he couldn’t tell from where-or if the gaze was suspicious.

They were only ten feet from the door when a boy at the nearest table- massive and beefy with brown hair, a crooked nose, and small mean eyes-stood up.

“HUX?” he shouted.

Silence rippled out across the room in a wave, until Ben and Hux were the focus of hundreds of eyes.  There were a handful of teachers scattered around the room and Ben could see them moving to try to box them in.

The beefy cadet wasn’t done though.  “It is you you cowardly-”

“Fuck you Cabroa!”  Hux interrupted.  Ben’s never heard him sound so angry.

Just then the doors they entered through opened, and in spilled more adults- these ones with blasters.  One of them fired- missing Ben by inches- and chaos broke out.  About half the students and some of the teachers ducked, a number of the armed men and some of the other students were charging towards them.  Ben reached out and grabbed the nearest table with the Force and pulled it across the room- knocking down anyone too close.

“Run.” Ben said and tugged on Hux’s arm.

The door was locked.  Ben couldn’t figure out this one, it was much more complex than the ones at home.  He pulled out his lightsaber hoping to buy them more time while Hux stepped around him and frantically keyed something into the door panel.

The doors opened.

“They didn’t _change the passcode?_ ” Hux sounded incredulous.  “That’s completely-”

Ben couldn’t help it, he laughed as he grabbed the Hux’s shoulder and shoved him through the doors.  “Running now, good security protocol lecture later.”

Ben took a second to ram his lightsaber through the exterior door panel.  He was hoping for the blast doors to shut, but instead the doors just jammed closed.  It would do.

They ran for the trees. He’d lost his hat somewhere, he realized as his hair flopped in his face.  He shook it back and kept his eyes peeled.  Snoke was still around somewhere, and he had known exactly where they were. Surely he would have sent forces ahead.

Instinct- something screamed at him through the Force made him fling himself into Hux, knocking them both off to the right and almost on their asses as blaster shots tore up the ground where they had just stood.  The bolts were coming from behind them though- Ben glanced over his shoulder to see a group of Stormtroopers that Snoke must have sent to head them off.  He and Hux had gotten out of the mess hall faster than someone had thought they would. 

They stumbled off the asphalt onto a little strip of grass separating the schoolyard from the landing tarmac.  Almost there.  The woods were just on the other side of the landing pads and that’s where the ship was.

They kept going, dodging around an old Lambda style shuttle.  Ben grabbed Hux’s hand.  The Stormtroopers weren’t shooting anymore- maybe they were trying to fence them in.  They wouldn’t make it in time, he and Hux were more than halfway across the tarmac.

“Armitage!”

* * *

“Armitage!”

His father was there.  At the edge of the tarmac.  Face red and hands balled into fists. Hux stopped, some ingrained reaction to his father’s command voice taking hold. Ben stopped with him, lightsaber held defensively.

“Armitage come back here!” 

It was strange to hear his full first name.  Only strangers called him that.  His mother called him “Taj” as did most of the adults he knew and a fair amount of the other students at Luke’s school.

The rest of them, and Ben, called him-

“Hux.”

Ben was looking at him with wide worried eyes.  They couldn’t stay here.

He looked back at his father. 

…This was probably just a diversion anyway.

“No.”  he said, though he doubted his father can hear him. 

Ben squeezed his hand.  They ran.

* * *

“You came here in an escape pod?” Hux asked when he saw the ship.

“Get in the ship Hux!”

“This isn’t a ship it’s a flying trashcan.”  Hux told him as they buckle in.

Ben didn’t bother answering.  He angled the ship up as steeply as he can.  Time for them to get out of here.

There was some ground fire from the Stormtroopers but none of them had heavy weaponry and the ship’s shields were good enough to hold against normal blaster fire.  Ben kept eyeing the scopes for air pursuit- but there was none.

“It’s a school not a military base.” Hux reminded him.  “We won’t have company until we clear the atmosphere.”

True to Hux’s predictions they didn’t have any more company as they escape Narrytt’s atmosphere.  It was all waiting for them in orbit.

“Is that a Star Destroyer?!” Ben yelped.

“No it’s a flying Hutt, of course it’s a –fuck pull up. We’re almost in range of the tractor beam-”

Ben pulled up. He skimmed the ship along the top of the Destroyer, staying as close as possible.  “The Galactic Concordance-”

“As adorable as it is that you think the First Order is following the Galactic Concordance, now is not the time for a lecture on diplomacy _Senator Organa_.”

Ben threw him the dirtiest look he could manage.

“We need to be in hyperspace _now_.” Hux said.

A huge bolt from one of the Star Destroyer’s cannons seared by- rocking the whole ship even though the shot missed.

“The navicomputer still needs a few minutes to calculate our course,”  Ben said.  “How long do think flying around the bridge where they can’t shoot us will buy us?” he asked even as he maneuvered the ship up to do just that.

“Only as long as it takes them to launch the TIE fighters.  Does this garbage can have guns?” 

Ben pointed to the weapons system off to Hux’s right.  As they whipped by the front bay windows he could see the bridge crew staring back.

“…Ben these guns wouldn’t deter a really persistent mynock!” Hux groaned as he read the weapons specs.

“I know!” Ben snapped “I picked the first ship I could get to.  Not one actually designed for this type of thing.”

“…Ben.” Hux said softly.  “Where did you get this ship?”

“It’s my mom’s.  She uses it for quick in-system trips-”

“You flew _your mother’s ship_ into First Order territory?!”

“You’d already been missing for hours, I didn’t have time to find a better ship!”

Hux looked taken aback.  “Ben that’s not-”

Laser fire hit their shields, making the whole ship groan ominously as warning sirens light up the dash.

Hux swore under his breath as the TIE fighters came around for a second pass.  The navicomputer was _still_ calculating.  Hux grabbed the weapon controls and returned fire.

He hit the left panel on one of the fighters- sending it briefly spinning out of control.  But there was no serious damage to the fighter and the pilot righted the fighter before they smash into anything.

“Head toward the engines,” Hux said.

It was a good idea, so Ben did- dropping down to hug the curve of the ship as much as possible- as Hux kept talking.  “The engine turbulence should keep the fighters off for a bit and then they’ll have to turn the entire ship around to get us in range of the tractor beams.”

It would buy them time.  Hopefully enough.

They flew out into the pulsing energy from the engines.  The ship tried to shake itself apart, but Ben held his course.  The TIE fighters pulled back for a bit, although Ben knew they were just waiting for them to be in the clear again.  Nothing was in range for Hux to shoot so he was staring at the navicomputer and chewing on his lip.

They cleared the turbulence.  The TIE fighters swooped down towards them.

The navicomputer let out a cheerful little booping sound to let them know the hyperdrive was ready. 

He jerked the ship up- nearly smashing into a TIE fighter closing in on them- and took them to lightspeed.

Ben watched the stars streak blue around them and tried to catch his breath.

Hux was staring out the windows too, his hands still gripping the weapons array.  His breaths were big and stuttering.  He peeled his hands away from the controls- slowly, like he was having trouble relaxing his hands.  Hux was making a conscious effort to keep his breaths steady when he turned to Ben.

They did it.  They got away.  Ben grinned hugely even as the adrenaline high died and left him feeling shaky and wrung out.

Hux’s face got that best ship/kyber crystal look again.  Ben scrambled for something, anything to say.  Before he could figure out how to break the silence Hux stood up and came over, falling into his lap and flinging his arms around Ben’s neck.

“Thank you.” Hux whispered.

Ben hugged him back. “No problem,” he said, which made Hux laugh.

* * *

Ben woke up and groaned.  His back was sore- he guessed that’s what he got for sleeping in a chair.

Hux shifted against his chest.

Oh.

Ben looked down just in time to see Hux waked up.

“Fuck.” Hux murmured under his breath.  He squirmed a little and then looked up.

Ben’s breath caught in his chest.

“What?” Hux asked.

Ben touched Hux’s cheek gently.  Hux’s pale skin was marred by a massive red mark.  “Who hit you?”  That was going to bruise.  Badly.

Hux ducked his head, “Is it bad?”

“You’ve got a handprint.” Ben could see the finger marks.  “Does it hurt?” It looked like should hurt.

“A little.”  Hux admitted. “My father hit me. A couple of times.”

Ben wished he’d killed Hux’s dad.  He frowned at his lack of vision.  It made Hux smile, despite his sore cheek. 

“I’m probably lucky it isn’t worse.”  Hux admitted.  “I may have told him to try sleeping with his actual wife the next time the Order needed children.”

Ben’s laughter sounded harsh and slightly hysterical. “You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“Fuck Hux.”

“I know.”

“No, Hux that’s amazing.  You’re amazing.” Ben told him and Hux looked away all shy and…

…And Hux was still on his lap.  There was a …growing problem with that.  Ben shifted awkwardly.  He didn’t really want Hux to move, but if he didn’t soon this could get even more awkward.

Hux stilled and Ben knew he’d noticed Ben’s …dilemma- but the look he leveled at Ben was thoughtful and appraising.  Like he was considering-

 Ben halted that train of thought right there- it would only make things worse.  Ben swallowed hard and tried not to think about the ridiculously gorgeous boy who was sitting in his lap eyeing him like-

Hux’s gaze tracked up to Ben’s hair and his face went pained and vaguely disgusted. “You need a shower,” he said.

Ben groaned because now that Hux has reminded him he felt so so gross.

“So do you,” he pointed out, half to return the favor and make Hux feel gross and half in the blind hope that they could-

“You first.” Hux said firmly and hopped off Ben’s lap.

Ben stifled a groan and headed back to the tiny refresher.  He hoped there was actual water, he needed a cold shower.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Snoke:Hello boys  
> Hux: Nope.  
> Ben: Noooope.
> 
> I'm going to try to get the last chapter out tomorrow. And after that, I have some partially written sequels that'll go up eventually.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Content Warning: Hux has that gross dream again, the weirdo.

After that first night Hux didn’t sleep at all.  He would try- but after laying down for only moments he’d be up again.

“Hux.” Ben said on their third day as he watched Hux pace back and forth across the small ship.  “Go to sleep.”

“Not now.”

Ben caught Hux as he stalked by, wrapping both arms around his waist and holding him still.  Hux fidgeted in his grasp and tried to wiggle away so he could keep moving.  “What’s wrong?”

_What’s wrong?_   Hux groaned, but tried to vocalize his anxieties.  He started with the most worrisome issue.  “Snoke’s still out there.  He found us, in a school full of kids our age.  He already knows how to find you.  Where you are all the time.  He can talk to you whenever he wants.  How do we know he can’t hurt you?  What if he gives you a seizure or something?  He’s hardly going to just _leave you alone_.  What are we going to do about him?  What _can_ we do?  This ship is the size of a speeder what if we hit something?  What if we run out of food or fuel before we make it to a safe place?  Or there’s an accident?  I don’t even know where the medical supplies are and I don’t remember any of my First Aid training.  What if the First Order tries to kidnap me again?  Or just steals my datapad?  What if _your mother_ steals my datapad?  Is my mum safe?  They could be lying in wait for us already-”

“Hux-”

“How did they know where I was in the first place?  How much knock out drugs did the kidnappers give me?  What if they like, messed up my kidneys or something?  We are going to get in so much trouble for this.  What if someone important thinks I went willingly?  Will they think I’m a spy or traitor?  I could get kicked out of the Republic for this.  What’ll I do if I get kicked out of the Republic?  What’ll happen to my mum?  You stole a Senator’s ship and a Jedi’s lightsaber!  You _flew into a sovereign government’s territory without clearance.  In a Senator’s ship.  That could start a war_. What if _you_ get kicked out of the Republic and it’s all my fault-”

Ben clamped a hand over his mouth.  Hux screamed in frustration- it was muffled by Ben’s hand- and tried again to get free of Ben.

Ben let him go and Hux whirled around to glare at him.

“We’ll be back to Vessa sometime tomorrow.” Ben said calmly.  “We have plenty of food and water. Most of those other things won’t happen.  We’ll talk to our parents and Uncle Luke.  They’ll know how to help with the rest of them.  There’s literally nothing you can do to change anything until we’re back.  You need to relax and stop thinking about all this stuff.”

“ _I can’t_.”  Hux’s eyes stung.  He was so tired.  He rubbed at them- they’re damp but at least he wasn’t crying.  Not yet.

Ben looked worried- and that’s not what Hux meant to do at all.  He shouldn’t have dumped all that on him.  Especially because most of it’s stupid.

“Let me help you sleep.”  Ben said, holding out a hand.

He remembered his father slumped unconscious on the floor after Ben had just _looked at_ him.

“It’s not going to give me brain damage or anything right?” Hux asked.

Ben shook his head. “It’s totally safe, and you’ll be able to sleep.”

Hux sighed and sat on the bed so he could pull his boots off. “Alright.” he told Ben.

He got into the small bed, pressing himself back against the bulkhead. Ben came over and laid down next to him, but on top of the covers.   Ben stifled a yawn. _When’s the last time Ben slept?_ added itself to Hux’s growing list of worries.

Ben reached out and brushed warm fingers against his temple.  It was nice, like this.  Hux almost wanted to tell Ben to forget the Force tricks and just st-

* * *

He was sitting on the edge of the sea cliff back at school- the little beach closest to the dorm was off on his left.  Hux was also on his left, seated next to him.  Their legs dangled off into empty air.  It was just after sunset, a wide band of sky still painted pale orange while above them stars began to appear.  Hux was leaning against his shoulder and had a hand pressed against Ben’s chest.

“You’re dreaming.”  Ben said. 

Hux huffed, “What gave it away?  Is it the bit where my hand is literally inside your chest?”

Ben looked down at himself and saw that Hux was right.  The front of his chest, along with his shirt and part of his ribs was just… gone.  There was no blood, but his heart and lungs were on display.  Hux’s hand wasn’t _on_ his chest. It was _in_ it, curled gently around Ben’s beating heart.

“Huh.” Ben said, watching Hux’s thumb slide across a ventricle.  “That’s weird.  You’d think that would hurt.”

Hux went still.  “Does it?”

“No.” Ben reassured him quickly.

“Good.”  Hux reached out with his free hands and took Ben’s hand by the wrist.  He laid Ben’s hand on his own chest.

“Hux are you alright?” Ben asked.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” Hux said. He leaned forward before Ben could elaborate, and Ben felt Hux’s chest _give_ and suddenly there he was with Hux’s heart beating against his palm.

Hux looked scared, Ben realized at the same moment he noticed Hux’s heart was fluttering wildly against his palms.  This should be disgusting, Ben thought, even without the blood, but it just- wasn’t.

_Dream logic_ he thought as he ran soothing fingers over Hux’s racing heart.  Hux shivered. 

“Hux…” Ben hesitated, unsure how to word this question.  “Is _this-_ ” he gestured at their mutual heart touching with his free hand “How you feel about… feelings?”

_Emotional intimacy._ His brain supplied now, after he’d already said it the stupid sounding way.

Hux shrugged, and avoided his eyes.  “I guess.”

“So,” Ben said carefully.  “This isn’t... bad ok?  It’s fine.  But your literal heart holding analogies are weird.”

“Allegory.” Hux corrected.  “Honestly, who raised you?”

Ben laughed.  “Hey hey.  _You’re_ the one who wasn’t raised right.”

Hux smiled. “I really wasn’t… …Ben-”

Ben started awake to the sound of an alarm on the flight console.  It was the arrival alarm, they needed to go to sublight.  Hux was awake too.  They were face to face- nearly chest to chest in the narrow bed.  They stared at each other in silence for a moment- Ben wasn’t sure what he was waiting for.  For Hux to do something, say something. Address that weird ass dream he was 99% sure they both just had…  But maybe Hux was waiting for something from him?

Finally Hux looked away, and shifted slightly.  He looked uncomfortable and Ben realized he had an arm thrown across Hux’s waist.  Ben let go of Hux, mumbling a soft ‘sorry’ under his breath.  Hux looked at him like he was going to say something again then- but the alarm was getting more obnoxious by the second and Ben had to get up and go make sure they didn’t overshoot Vessa and wind up on Naboo or something.

Once they were out of hyperspace Hux slid into the co-pilot seat and drew his knees up to his chest. 

“We’ll be back on Vessa in about an hour.” Ben told him.

Hux nodded, but didn’t say anything else.  He’s got his ‘deep contemplation’ face on so Ben didn’t push, even though he’d dearly love to talk about that dream, or Hux’s feelings, or his own feelings, or really anything but this restless silence settling around them both.

Ben was so busy thinking about what they weren’t saying he forgot all about little things like landing clearance.  So when they broke atmosphere on Vessa and the local planetary police force commed them to ask what the hell they thought they were doing Ben stared blankly at the transmitter with no idea how to explain himself.

Hux unfolded himself and leaned forward, pressing the transmit button on the comm panel.

“We are making an emergency landing at coordinates 328, 3827.”  He said calmly and then Ben felt the _push_.  “We have all the necessary approvals and permissions.”   His voice was soft but firm.

The man on the other end of the comm floundered.  “I-you can’t”

“We have all necessary permissions and are proceeding.” Hux repeated. “Is there anything else sir?”

Ben held his breath.

“No sir,” the man said. “Let us know if you’ll need any assistance.”

“We don’t anticipate we will,”  Hux said. “Don’t worry about us.”

“I will not worry about you.”  The man replied flatly.  The comm cut and Hux sighed and dropped back into his seat.

_That was amazing._   Ben’s never seen anyone use the Jedi mind trick on someone not in the room with them.  That they couldn’t even _see_.

Hux looked over at him and raised an eyebrow.  He was staring, he realized.  Ben grinned at Hux and re-focused on landing the ship.

* * *

“Who...” Mum stopped dead at the sight of them.  “ _Oh_." 

“Mum.”

Mum lunged toward him at the same time he moved toward her.  Mum nearly squeezed the breath out of his lungs and Hux hugged her back just as tightly. 

“You’re ok?” Mum asked him again and again while clinging to him.  He leaned over her and tucked his face against her shoulder while promising again and again that he was alright. Eventually she pulled back enough to look at him.  Mum’s eyes lingered on the bruises Hux knew were still obviously handprint shaped. But that’s not what she asked about.

“How?” she asked, voice whisper soft.  Hux smiled and looked over his shoulder.  Ben looked a little uncomfortable, standing there watching him hug his mum.

“Ben came and got me,” Hux said.  It was the briefest explanation, but really that was the most important part.

Mum let go of him and Hux got to watch Ben’s face as his Mum advanced on him-uncertain, almost afraid- and pulled him down into a hug as well.  He looked so surprised at first Hux almost laughed.  Mum whispered something to Ben that Hux cannot hear.  Ben blushed and nodded.  Mum was grinning as she stepped back and pulled Ben over to sit on the couch.  She shooed Hux over to the couch next before disappearing into the kitchen.

Hux sat next to Ben on couch.  Ben still looked dazed and flushed.

“What did she say?” Hux asked.

Ben blushed again. “I- Nothing,” he lied. 

Hux hummed.  “Suuure.”  But he doesn’t really care.  Not right now.  He felt so calm.  Something about being here, home with his Mum and Ben… he knew there were lots of things he should be worried about but he just… wasn’t right now.  Hux yawned. Which was ridiculous.  They had _just_ slept, not even two hours had passed since they’d napped on the ship- but Ben was stifling yawns as well.  Hux felt exhausted, and a light brush at Ben’s mind revealed he felt the same. 

Mum came back with two mugs full of a rich creamy soup.  She handed them off and asked quietly. “Does anyone else know you’re here?”

“No,” Ben admitted.

Mum nodded. “Eat.  I’ll handle it.”

She stepped into the kitchen to use her comm.

Once they finished the drinks Hux tried to nudge Ben into laying down. 

“What-”

Hux cut Ben off. “ Lay down,”  Hux told him. “You’re tired.”

Ben didn’t argue.  To give him more room Hux pulled the cushions off the back of the couch and dropped them on the floor.  He followed, sliding off the couch and onto the cushions to make room for Ben’s legs. He could lay down too he thought, arranging the cushions to his liking.

Mum came back, and then went to get blankets when she saw Ben laying down.  Ben was already drifting off when Mum gave them pillows and blankets.  Hux tried to stay awake- but soon relented and laid down.  One of Ben’s hands reached out over the edge of the couch toward him- Hux took it and held on even as he started to slide into sleep and Ben’s fingers slacken…

* * *

Leia eyed her little planet-hopper.  It looked largely untouched.  There was some cosmetic damage to the bottom and right side of the ship but besides that it looked fine. 

Aside from being set down in the middle of a public park.

The local police force had cordoned it off. 

She sighed and answered the officer. “Yes, that’s mine.”

“And do you have any idea how it got here?” the officer asked.

“Considering that my son snuck out a few days ago and his best friend lives less than a mile from here?”

The officer’s lips quirked, but she did not laugh.  Leia admired her resolve. “Do you want to press any charges ma’am?”

“No.” Leia said immediately. “I’ll be dealing with this privately- will your department be filing any charges?”

“I don’t think so ma’am.  We’ll be towing the shuttle to an impound lot shortly, you can pick it up there tomorrow.”

Leia nodded.  “I’d best go track down my son then.”

Once she turned from the officer she let her calm demeanor drop.  She was nearly sick with anger (and worry) as she stormed to the small apartment the Hux boy and his mother shared, trying to ignore how her hands shook.

There were a pair of tiny Chadra- Fan children playing with a ball in the hallway- but they got one look at her and fled into the apartment across the hall.  She ignored them and the buzzer on their door and raised her hand to knock- but it opened.

Astra Allodia had only a half-inch or so on Leia, but she was using it to her full advantage now-she somehow managed to loom and look down her nose at Leia despite their minute height difference.  “They’re both fine,” she said. “They’re asleep.”

“I don’t care if they’re-”

“Then you can wait out here until they wake.”  She shut the door in Leia’s face.

Leia stared.  She had just _shut the door_ on her.

  Only moments later the door re-opened.  Astra eyed her flatly- and then stepped aside and let Leia in.  Leia entered, quietly.  Astra left her in the entry and went into the kitchen. 

Ben was asleep on the couch, wrapped in a blue blanket.  The Hux boy was asleep on a mound of cushions on the floor beside the couch.  One of Ben’s hands hung off the edge of the couch, his fingers were almost touching Hux. 

“Would you like something to drink?” Astra said from the kitchen.  She seemed remarkably calm about this whole situation.

There’s a whisper-faint tremor in the Force, notable only because it was coming from the kitchen not the living room where the boys sleep.  Not for the first time Leia wondered if the Hux boy had inherit his Force sensitivity from someone after all.

“I’m fine.” Leia said.

Something moved behind her and Leia turned to see Armitage Hux sitting up on his makeshift bed.  His sleep-mussed hair was hanging in his eyes. Sleepy and disheveled like that he actually looked his age.

He saw her then, and Leia could almost hear his guard come up.

“Is Luke coming?” he asked.

“Yes.” Leia replied.

Hux nodded, “Good. We need to talk to him.”

Leia was about to protest that they needed to talk to _her_ too, but Hux looked away from her then- refocusing on the couch- and Ben.

He leaned forward, taking Ben’s hand and murmured softly. “Ben.”

Ben groaned.  Leia watched as Hux smiled like her son had just done something amazing.  _Blast.  Han was right_.

“Your mother’s here,” Hux said.

Ben groaned even louder.  And Leia sighed.

Ben must have heard her- because he froze and then flopped over onto his back to look at her.

Leia raised an eyebrow and Ben rolled back over to look at Hux again.  The pair of them locked eyes and it was obvious that something was passing between them.  Hux nodded and stood, moving past Leia and into the kitchen.

Ben sat up and then after a moment of consideration just climbed over the back of the sofa to stand before her.

Hux’s voice drifted through the tense silence.  “Wow Mum how many people are you trying to feed?”

“I may have stress-baked a little.”

There was laughter and the clanking of pots from the kitchen.  Leia spoke quietly to try to keep the pair in the kitchen from hearing her.

“I don’t even know where to start with you Ben,” she said.  “You could have been killed or gotten lost or been captured.”

Ben frowned. “I’m sure it would have been a minor inconvenience to pay ransom for me.”

“Ben,” Leia said. “This is serious.  You’re privy to things a lot of people would want to know.  You know so much about the Jedi school and the inner workings of the Republic.  I trust you to keep that information safe.  You could have been captured and tortured.”

Leia felt Ben’s anger at that though she had no idea what exactly set him off.  She was right to be upset about this. “It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible for you to run off like that-“

“Just like it was when you and Uncle Luke ran off to Tatooine to save Dad from Jabba the Hutt?”

“That was-”

Ben cut her off again.  “You were a high ranking member of the Rebellion with access to highly classified information.  You could have let someone else go.”

“That was completely different!”

“It’s exactly the same!” Ben shouted.  “Except Hux didn’t have time for you to sit around and plot!”

“ _Ben._ ”

“Why is it alright if Hux gets tortured or ransomed Mom?”

“What?”

“You’re all worried about what could have happened to me, why weren’t you worried about _Hux?_   It all could have happened to _him_ too.”

“His father wouldn’t-”

“This wasn’t a custody disagreement Mom!” Ben snapped. “Hux was _kidnapped_ by a group of _militaristic fanatics._ And you didn’t _care_.”

The Hux boy stepped out of the kitchen behind Ben, a mug in each hand.

“That is not what I said.”  Leia protested, eyeing Hux’s carefully schooled features.   There was no question both Armitage Hux and his mother had heard most of the argument.  The Hux boy put down one of the mugs on the island and started sipping something from the one he still held.  As he turned to set the second mug down Leia got a good look at the large bruise on the boy’s cheek and had to keep herself from wincing.

“Actions speak louder than words.  And you were content to do _nothing_.” Ben hissed.  He was shaking with anger and Leia eyed him warily.  She needed to calm him down before he broke something.

The lights flickered.

Hux laid a hand on Ben’s back, between his shoulder blades. 

Leia watched Ben lean back into that hand.  Ben shut his eyes and took a deep shaky breath.  When he opened his eyes again most of his anger had dissipated.  He was still and notably calmer.

“I’m not sorry.” Ben said firmly.  “I did what had to be done to make sure Hux was alright.  I’d do it again. I- I am sorry I worried everyone.  I’ll admit I didn’t plan this very well.”

Hux scoffed at that and when Ben frowned back at him the redhead scooped up the second mug and offered it to him.

“Hot chocolate,” he said.

Ben turned away from her and took the mug.  Leia wasn’t sure what had just happened.  Ben didn’t just _stop_ like that.  He pushed and pushed and _pushed_ until you made him stop or it all came to a head.

“Mmm…” Ben hummed.  “This is really good!”

Hux smiled.  “Come eat. Mum made ridiculous amounts of food.”  He was ostensibly talking to both of them, but he had eyes only for Ben.

“We’ll talk about this later.” Leia said, letting the matter lie for now.  Ben was still glowering a bit but nodded.

She waved both boys towards the kitchen and followed after them.

* * *

After they ate Hux excused himself to go change out of the cadet uniform he was still wearing.  Leaving Ben alone with his and Hux’s mom. 

Hux’s mom smiled at him and nudged him towards Hux’s room before turning on his mom.  Ben could feel the tension in the air, there was a nearly palpable charge as Hux’s mom said.  “I’d like to speak with you.”

Ben knocked on Hux’s door.

“Come in.”

Ben sidled quickly into the room looking nervously behind him. “Your mom is having a very serious, very quiet conversation with my mom.”  Ben said. 

Hux wasn’t wearing a shirt.  Ben’s mouth fell open and he was totally blushing.  He looked out the one small window instead of at Hux. “So-so I thought I should give them space.”

“Probably smart,” Hux said.  He pulled on a brown long-sleeved shirt.  Ben was still wearing his cadet uniform- though he’d left the jacket in the living room. 

 “I don’t think I have any shirts that will fit you.” Hux said.

Ben looked back over at him.  Hux was eyeing him thoughtfully.  “I’m fine.  I think the uniform stresses Mom out though.” 

Hux nodded.

“Your birthday is soon right?” Ben asked.

“In ten days.” Hux said.  He smiled, “I’ll be older than you again.”

Ben chuckled. “I didn’t get you anything yet,” he admitted.

“All things considered you could probably skip the present this year.” Hux said.  “Birthday in ten days and then a month after that… that’s when I left the Order.”

“We’ll throw you a party,” Ben said. “A Defection Party.” 

Hux laughed. “Are you going to get in trouble?” he asked.

Ben shrugged.  “Probably?  But I’m not sure what they’re going to do?  Ground me maybe? Until school starts again.”

Hux nodded. He was toying with the hem of his shirt and not looking at Ben.

Ben swallowed, he wanted so much to just... “I’ll see you then. If I can’t comm you sooner.”

Hux nodded again and still didn’t look at him.

Ben turned to go.

“Ben.”

When he turned back Hux met his eyes immediately.  He had his chin up and his hands fisted at his sides.  Like he was squaring himself up for a fight. 

“I know I already said this, but thank you.  For coming for me,” he said.

Ben smiled.  “No problem.”

Hux blushed bright red. “Ben,” he said again, and then bit his lip. His hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. “You know I… love you right? Romantically.” Hux added, in case Ben thought all the kissing and cuddling and subtle groping was _platonic_.  Ben would laugh at him, but he was too busy grinning hugely and feeling the tremendous joy Hux’s words had brought.

He had _known_ of course, he’d seen it in Hux’s head, but it was still wonderful to hear.

He moved without thought, closing the distance between him and Hux in two quick steps.  He cradled Hux’s head in his hands and ran his thumbs along Hux’s cheekbones before sliding his hand back into Hux’s bright hair.  He felt Hux’s arms slide around his waist, but Hux still held himself slightly away.

“I love you too.” Ben said.  Hux relaxed against him, all the earlier tension bleeding away. 

They both went in for the kiss at the same time, so they wound up bumping noses in a decidedly un-sexy way- but then they remembered how to fit their noses together and- oh… Ben knew he’d thought this before but he really _could_ do this all day.

Stories always seemed to make a big deal about what people’s mouths taste like, but Ben didn’t care enough to try to _categorize flavors_.  Much more important was the feeling of Hux’s arms tightening around his waist.  The way their chests pressed together.  The softness of Hux’s hair, the exact curve of Hux’s skull under his hands.  The heat of his mouth against Ben’s.  Hux’s lips against his.

“Ahem.”

Uncle Luke was standing in the door of the bedroom.

Hux took a half-step back, but did not let go of Ben.  Ben didn’t let go either.

His uncle smiled at the pair of them, but then grew somber.  “I believe we have a lot to talk about,” he said seriously.

Ben and Hux nodded.

“Where is he?” a voice called from behind Luke. It was his dad- he must have arrived with Luke. “I swear the kid’s trying to give me a heart attack.”

Suddenly Rey was there, shoving past Luke’s legs and making a beeline for Ben.  Hux dropped his grip at the same time Ben did so could Ben scoop his sister up. Rey immediately started crying and clinging to his neck.

“Oh Rey.” Ben murmured, patting her head and rocking a little on the balls of his feet. “It’s ok.  I’m ok.”

Rey’s response was a string of garbled watery sobbing sounds and some very loud and …gooey sounding sniffs. 

Hux looked vaguely disgusted.  He got Rey some facial tissues, but when he tried to hand them to her Rey reached out and snagged him too- so now she had an arm around both their necks.

“Don’t ever ever ever do that again!” she wailed at them both.

Hux was so lost.  He awkwardly tried to wipe Rey’s nose while looking uncomfortable.  It would be hilarious if Rey wasn’t still sobbing.

“We’re sorry Rey.”  Ben told her.  “We’re so sorry.  It’s ok, Reybeybee.  We’re here.  We’re safe.”

Uncle Luke took pity on them and pulled Rey off them.  “Come on,” he told her. “Let’s go get everyone together so the boys only have to tell the whole story once ok?”  He patted her back as they turned and left.  “Hurry up boys,” he added as the door slide shut behind him.

“Right,” Ben said, hesitantly. “Um.”

“We’d better go.” Hux said.

Ben deflated a little.  He really didn’t want to go out there, but there was a lot he needed to tell his parents about.

Hux took Ben’s hand, threading their fingers together.  He tugged Ben down a little so he could kiss his cheek.

“We’ve done scarier things than this,” he pointed out.

Ben relaxed a bit and squeezed his hand.  “Yeah, yeah we have.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!


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